42 Things to do When You're the Last Man on Earth is NOT - we repeat NOT - a "how to" book. If you happen to find yourself alone on the planet and you are armed only with your wits and this novel you are in serious trouble. Though before you die a horrible death we hope you take time to read the swiftly moving science fiction comedy novel about a security guard who wakes up one morning to discover everyone else on the planet had left. Now he, his super advanced talking sneakers, and a couple of other stragglers must figure out how and why everyone else left while battling evil cows, insane civil servants, and other nasty surprises. This will most likely be the most powerful book you have ever read that features talking sneakers.

42 Things to Do When You Are the Last Man on Earth

By Jackson M. Slade

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2010 Jackson M. Slade
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4520-7468-9

Contents

#1 – Go to work..........................................................................................1#2 – Rob a Bank..........................................................................................10#3 – Kill a Unicyclist...................................................................................18#4 – Pick up a Hitchhiker................................................................................23#5 – Get aggravated by your parents one last time........................................................33#6 – Go Camping..........................................................................................42#7 – Take the advice of a dog............................................................................48#8 – Get attacked by a mutant while spending the night in a private luxury penthouse.....................54#9 – Get slapped across the face.........................................................................63#10 – Meet a Beauty Queen................................................................................64#11 – Eat Pancakes.......................................................................................72#12 – Break into the White House.........................................................................75#13 – Push the Button that reads DEAR GOD DON'T PRESS THIS BUTTON........................................82#14 – Confront a Mad Scientist...........................................................................84#15 – Learn to Hate and Fear Cows........................................................................87#16 – Elect a President..................................................................................92#17 – Try to Escape from Certain Death...................................................................95#18 – Recover a Fallen President.........................................................................101#19 – Have an Election Recount...........................................................................104#20 – Attend an Inaugural Ball...........................................................................109#21 – Drive North........................................................................................117#22 – Survive a Blackout.................................................................................120#23 – Dream a Mid-Summer's Night Dream...................................................................129#24 – Have a Reunion.....................................................................................133#25 – Go to Court........................................................................................138#26 – Evade a Black Hole.................................................................................145#27 – Discover Your Purpose..............................................................................152#28 – Invent a Holiday...................................................................................155#29 – Make Travel Arrangements...........................................................................162#30 – Endure the Wrath of a Jilted Super-Computer........................................................167#31 – Discover the Truth about Edgar.....................................................................171#32 – Leave America......................................................................................176#33 – Take a Leisure Cruise On Board an Amphibious Assault Ship..........................................183#34 – Kiss a President...................................................................................186#35 – Hunt for a Stowaway................................................................................192#36 – Have a Sea Battle..................................................................................195#37 – Visit Nigeria......................................................................................205#38 – Break into a Palace................................................................................213#39 – Learn to Fly a Helicopter..........................................................................216#40 – Escape a Nuclear Blast.............................................................................221#41 – Crash a Helicopter.................................................................................223#42 – Survive............................................................................................225

Chapter One

#1 – Go to work

The world as we know it came to an end on a Tuesday despite the fact that great effort was made to have it end on a Monday. Monday morning in fact, but too many people wanted to see the season finale of America's number one sit-com, That's My Aardvark, so in the last week things were changed and Tuesday morning became the day and time.

Our hero, Larry Storm, spent this time in bed, asleep. To be fair to Larry, asleep in his studio apartment in Massapequa, New York, on Long Island, things were somewhat normal when he went to bed at midnight. Although he was frustrated that all the late night talk shows were repeats, and he didn't get any new email except for another spam message from the Prince of Nigeria asking for his bank account information, and he was irritated that the local eleven o'clock news came on the air with the reporters drinking shots of whisky while covering odd stories such as Things we'll miss when we're gone, Things to turn off before going, Beware of the cows, and of course, their finale in their 18 part series of Why Bayshore Smells. Larry didn't watch any of these stories, he just saw them announce their coverage at the start of the show and watched with little interest until the weather girl staggered into the weather map explaining that tonight's weather was clear and cool and just perfect and as for tomorrow – who cares – at which remark everyone on set and apparently off set took another shot in jubilation. When the commercial for the Feed Everyone Fund Emporium came on Larry turned off the TV. Larry supposed the news show was canceled and this was their way of saying goodbye. He went to bed.

At some point in the middle of the night he awoke from the sound of a distant bang outside in the parking lot. This was followed by what sounded like someone yelling out the phrase, "Kitten Basket". There have been many thing yelled out around Larry in the course of his life but he was fairly sure "Kitten Basket" was not one of them. He attempted to understand why someone needed to shout this out in the middle of the night but he was already asleep again.

Larry woke up bright and early Tuesday morning and was immediately put out. The TV was broken. Or maybe it was the cable. Whatever it was, there was no reception. He ate a breakfast of macaroni and cheese while staring at an ad torn out of a magazine. It was an ad for Trace Tillman Touchdown sneakers. Tillman was his favorite football player of all time and rumor had it the sneaker war had gotten so intense that the T.T. Touchdowns were wildly advanced. Whatever that meant he had no clue but he...