Mars and Venus on a Date: A Guide to Navigating the 5 Stages of Dating to Create a Loving and Lasting Relationship - Softcover

Gray, John

Softcover

ISBN 10: 0061044636 ISBN 13: 9780061044632

Verlag: HarperTorch, 1998

Inhaltsangabe

You Don't Have To Be Single Forever.

John Gray has helped millions of men and women develop better relationships with his phenomenal New York Times bestseller Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. Now he blasts off into the exciting new territory of the singles universe, applying his unique experience to unattached men and women'including the newly separated or divorced'looking for lasting intimacy.

Going beyond the old rules, John Gray doesn't just tell you how to behave; he explains why. With compassion and understanding he takes you through the five stages of dating'attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy, and engagement'provides inspired ideas on finding your soul mate, and offers advice on creating a loving and mutually fulfilling relationship. If you're trying to find a date, debating whether to continue a relationship, or searching for commitment, Mars and Venus On A Date is your essential guide to successfully getting what you want.

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Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

John Gray, Ph.D., is one of the world’s leading relationship experts, and an authority on improving communication styles for couples, companies, and communities. His many books have sold more than fifty million copies in fifty different languages worldwide. John lives with his wife and children in northern California.

John Gray has helped millions of men and women develop better relationships with his phenomenal New York Times bestseller Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. Now he blasts off into the exciting new territory of the singles universe, applying his unique experience to unattached men and women'including the newly separated or divorced'looking for lasting intimacy.

Going beyond the old rules, John Gray doesn't just tell you how to behave; he explains why. With compassion and understanding he takes you through the five stages of dating'attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy, and engagement'provides inspired ideas on finding your soul mate, and offers advice on creating a loving and mutually fulfilling relationship. If you're trying to find a date, debating whether to continue a relationship, or searching for commitment, Mars and Venus On A Date is your essential guide to successfully getting what you want.

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Mars and Venus on a Date

A Guide for Navigating the 5 Stages of Dating to Create a Loving and Lasting RelationshipBy John Gray

HarperCollins Publishers

Copyright © 1998 John Gray
All right reserved.
ISBN: 9780061044632
Chapter One

Mars and Venus on a Date

During my relationship seminars, single women often come up to me and describe in great detail what they thought was a wonderful date. The question that follows is almost always the same. Every one of these women says, "I can't understand why it didn't work out." If everything went so well, each wonders, why didn't he want to pursue the relationship? To most women, men are still a mystery. Their questions often reveal a complete misunderstanding and misinterpretation of men.

Women ask:

• How do I attract the right guy for me?

• Why do men talk so much about themselves?

• Why don't men call back?

• Why don't men commit?

• How do you get a man to open up?

• Why do I have to do everything to make this relationship work?

• Everything is great, but my partner doesn't want to get married and I do. What can I do?

• Why do I keep getting involved with the same kind of guy?

A woman's questions tend to revolve around one issue: How do I secure a loving, lasting relationship? Women want to make sure they can get what they need in a relationship. Men, on the other hand, have different questions. Their questions focus on making sure they are successful in their relationships but also reveal a misunderstanding and misinterpretation of women.

Men ask:

How do I know what a woman wants?
• Why are women so indirect about things?

• Why do we start arguing about the littlest things?

• Why can't a women just say what she means?

• How do I know if she is the one?

• Why does she always want to talk about the relationship?

• Things are fine now, so why rock the boat and get married?

• Why do women ask so many questions?

Although men's and women's questions reflect different orientations toward dating, they do have two things in common: Men and women want their relationships to be loving, and they definitely don't understand each other. We feel powerless at times to get what we want in our relationships.

It might seem hopeless, but it is not. Once men and women learn how they approach dating and relationships differently, then we have the necessary information and insight to begin finding the answers to our questions. Without a deeper understanding of our differences, it is inevitable that we will continue to misinterpret our dating partners and create unnecessary problems.

How We Unknowingly Sabotage Relationships

When we misinterpret each other, it can cause us to sabotage our relationships unknowingly. A woman may mistakenly conclude her date is "just another man incapable of making a commitment" and give up. A man may think his date is another woman whose needs may smother him and take away his freedom. As a result, he loses interest.

No matter how sincere you are, if your partner is misinterpreting your innocent and automatic reactions and responses, your attempts to create a relationship may be unsuccessful. It is not enough merely to be authentic in sharing yourself; to succeed in dating you need to consider how you will be interpreted as well. For this reason there are times when we cannot just "be ourselves." Instead, we must hold back our initial gut reactions and measure our responses in ways that will communicate where we are coming from.

Making sense of the opposite sex frees us to make decisions and choices conducive to getting what we want, but in a way that works. To do this, it is essential that we have a deeper understanding of the different worlds we come from. While I have explored many of these differences in my previous book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, there are many issues specifically relevant to being single that were not covered.

A deeper understanding of single men and women can be immensely helpful in navigating through the five different stages of dating: attraction, uncertainty, commitment, intimacy, and engagement. With this new insight, it will be easier to interpret each other's behavior correctly and act accordingly.

The Five Stages Of Dating

Stage One: Attraction

In stage one of dating, we experience our initial attraction to a potential partner. The challenge in this first stage is to make sure you get the opportunity to express that attraction and get to know a potential partner. With a clear understanding of how men and women approach dating differently, you will be able to put your best foot forward.

Stage Two: Uncertainty

In stage two, we experience a shift from feeling attraction to feeling uncertain that our partner is right for us. The challenge in this stage is to recognize this uncertainty as normal and not be swayed by it. To become uncertain doesn't mean that someone is not right for you. When you are dating someone who seems really special to you, it is quite normal suddenly to wonder whether you wish to continue dating that person. Without an understanding of this stage, it is too easy for a man to drift from one partner to another and for a woman to make the mistake of pursuing a man more than he is pursuing her.

Stage Three: Exclusivity

In stage three we feel a desire to date a person exclusively. We want the opportunity to give and receive love in a special relationship without competition. We want to relax and have more time to share with our partner. All of the energy that went into looking for the right person can now go into creating a mutually loving and romantic relationship. The danger in this stage is that we become too comfortable and stop doing the little things that make our partners feel special.

Stage Four: Intimacy

In stage four we begin to experience real intimacy. We feel relaxed enough to let down our guard and share ourselves more deeply than before. The opportunity of this stage is to experience the best in ourselves and our partner, while the challenge to deal with our less-than-best sides. Without an understanding of how men and women react differently to intimacy, it is easy to conclude mistakenly that we are just too different to proceed.

Stage Five: Engagement

In stage five, with the certainty that we are with the person we want to marry, we become engaged. In this stage we have the opportunity to celebrate our love. This is the time to experience our relationship joyfully, happily, peacefully, and lovingly. This is a time of great excitement and promise. Many couples make the mistake of rushing into getting married. They do not understand that this is a vital time to gather positive experiences of sharing together and resolving disagreements and disappointments before the bigger challenges of being married, moving in together, and having a family. This stage provides a strong foundation for experiencing a lifetime of love and romance.

Throughout Mars and Venus on a Date, we will explore in great detail the five stages of dating and the various questions that come up in each stage. Each chapter will provide you with fundamental insights about how men and women approach dating differently so that you can correctly interpret your partner and then choose to respond in ways that will not be misunderstood. In this way you will make use of every opportunity to create...

Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: HarperTorch
• Erscheinungsdatum: 1998
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 0061044636
• ISBN 13: 9780061044632
• Einband: Taschenbuch
• Anzahl der Seiten: 496
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: Nicht verfügbar
• Verantwortliche Person: Product Safety Manager; enquiries@harpercollins.ie; ; HarperCollins, Macken House, 39/40 Mayor Street Upper; Dublin 1; D01 C9W8; Irland