Why Hasn't He Proposed?: Go from the First Date to Setting the Date - Softcover

Titus, Matt

Softcover

ISBN 10: 0071614966 ISBN 13: 9780071614962

Verlag: McGraw-Hill Education, 2009

Inhaltsangabe

GET HIM TO SAY, "LET'S GET MARRIED."
No pressure. No nagging. No ultimatums.

So you've found the love of your life. Good for you! But after dating the guy for months, even years, you're starting to wonder: Why hasn't he proposed? This is the book for you. Written by the husband-wife relationship experts from Lifetime's "Matched in Manhattan," this commonsense guide for the wannabe bride tells you if, when, and how you can get your man to pop the question.

Learn how to:

• Determine if he's truly "Mr. Right"-or hopelessly "altarphobic"
• Figure out why he's afraid to get married-and how to calm those fears
• Get him to propose without nagging, crying, or issuing ultimatums
• Start your relationship off on the right track

This guide is shows you the perfect, no-pressure way to take your love to the next level-with "he says, she says" insights, relationship "red flags," long-term secrets for lasting success, and real-life stories from the author's famous dating service. It even includes a relationship timetable that will tell exactly when to take the next step-straight down the aisle to the marriage of your dreams.

Über diesen Titel

Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal are a real couple offering real relationship advice. This husband and wife team hosted Lifetime's “Matched in Manhattan” series and have appeared on ABC, CBS, "The Tyra Banks Show," "The Martha Stewart Show," and more. Matt is the founder of Matt's Little Black Book, a relationship and date coaching service. Tamsen is an Emmy-Award winning TV journalist and lifestyle expert. Together, they offer a wealth of authentic advice to men and women looking for love. Visit them on their websites at www.WhyHasntHe.com and www.MattandTamsen.com.

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Why Hasn't He Proposed?

Go from the First Date to Setting the DateBy MATT TITUS TAMSEN FADAL

The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc.

Copyright © 2009 Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-07-161496-2

Contents

Chapter One

RELATIONSHIP LIMBO

Nicole and Mike have been together for three years. Nicole, 30, and Mike, 29, met in their hometown of Austin, Texas. It was one of those relationships that just naturally fall into place. They met at a party, exchanged phone numbers, went out on a first date, and within a month were officially exclusive. After they had been dating for about a year, Mike got a job offer from a top ad agency in New York City. Still very much in the throes of new love, he wasn't about to leave Nicole behind, so he asked her to make the move with him. Nicole, a photographer, had always dreamed of living in New York City, so a chance to relocate to the Big Apple with a guy with whom she was madly in love wasn't exactly a hard sell. Cohabitation came with the relocation package. New York City's outrageously high cost of living meant that renting separate apartments wasn't an option.

At the time, neither Nicole nor Mike brought up the topic of marriage. For Mike's part, it didn't occur to him to bring it up. Many of the couple's friends and family members, on the other hand, assumed that by asking Nicole to move with him to New York, Mike was laying the groundwork for an eventual proposal. However, at 26, Mike was focused on establishing his career, and even though he was in love with Nicole, getting married was the furthest thing from his mind. Sure, being with Nicole made him happy, at times downright giddy, but he was a guy; it wasn't as if he sat around mulling where their relationship was ultimately headed or what Nicole was thinking.

As for Nicole, deep down she did wonder about what Mike was contemplating, where the relationship was going, and whether the move together would ultimately lead to marriage. (After all, she was a girl.) At that point in the relationship, though, they were just passing thoughts. These musings had yet to take root in her brain and mature into hopes and fears. In those early days of the relationship, her brain was still awash with all the chemicals that are released by new love. She was too busy being elated about having found her soul mate and too excited about living in New York City to worry about whether the move would lead to marriage.

It was a good thing she wasn't hung up on marriage, because if she had been, she would have found herself in a major dilemma. As with many other Southern women, Nicole was full of contradictions regarding men and relationships. She wasn't so old-fashioned that she would abstain from premarital sex or refuse to move in with a boyfriend, but when it came to subjects such as marriage, she felt it was the man's place to bring up the topic, not the woman's.

Two years later, with many New York City adventures behind them, Mike still hadn't brought up the subject of marriage, and Nicole had remained true to her Southern upbringing and never broached the topic. The problem was that by now the fogginess of new love had lifted, and with a clear head, not to mention a ticking biological clock, Nicole was thinking seriously about her future with Mike—more like obsessing about it. After two years of cohabitation, she was still crazy in love with Mike, and there wasn't a doubt in her mind that he was the man she wanted to marry. Mike seemed equally happy. Why shouldn't he be? The chemistry was still there, the sex was as hot as ever, and the good times and laughs were still coming. So, why hadn't Mike proposed? What was his problem? With each passing month, Nicole began to feel more and more that she was in a state of limbo and that there were only two ways out: a proposal from Mike or a breakup.

LIMBO LAND

Nicole is not alone in relationship limbo; hundreds of thousands of other equally fabulous women are right there with her—all wanting to take their relationships forward but stuck by their boyfriends' inaction. Typically, a woman winds up in this state of limbo two to three years into an otherwise healthy relationship. Here are a few signposts that point to the conclusion that your relationship has veered off course and is now parked in limbo land:

* You've created a mental spreadsheet of all the married couples you know, with the exact amount of time it took each couple to get from their meeting day to their wedding day.

* Occasions that used to be fun have now become uncomfortable, such as Valentine's Day, your anniversary, and any wedding that the two of you are invited to attend.

* Many things that he says or does have become clouded over by your feelings of impatience and disappointment in his not having proposed. For instance, if he gets a raise, you think, "Great, now you can afford to buy me a ring, buddy!" Or if he buys you flowers, you think, "Enough with the flowers already; think 'carats!' "

* Because of your frustration, one-on-one time with him has become strained and uncomfortable. As a consequence, you both manage to either avoid being alone together or make sure there are enough diversions to drown out the awkwardness. For instance, the television is always on during dinner at home, friends always accompany you when you eat out, and you can't remember the last time you both just sat outside and shot the breeze during sunset.

If these signs sound all too familiar, have no fear! Tamsen and I are here to guide you out of relationship limbo. But before I go any further, I want you to fully understand that you're not alone. I have the numbers to prove it! Just check out these stats: From 1995 to 2005, the marriage rate in the United States dropped by nearly 20 percent, according to a Rutgers University study. Moreover, in 2007, it was reported that for the first time ever, more American women (51 percent) were unmarried than were married.

Don't misunderstand: I don't think there's anything wrong with a woman's choosing not to marry or to live with a long-term boyfriend in lieu of getting hitched. The distressing element is that many women who are unmarried today are not choosing to be spouseless. Quite the contrary: a large number of them are simply waiting for long-term boyfriends to pop the question. The proof is in my in-box. Every day I receive e-mails from women all over the country who are frustrated by their boyfriends' disinterest in marriage. These women say they are with the men with whom they want to spend the rest of their lives, but the guys just don't seem interested in taking them as lawfully wedded wives.

STATE OF DISUNION

Before we get into listing the reasons he's not proposing, I'd like to talk a little about the current state of marriage. Believe it or not, this ancient institution has seen more changes in the past thirty years than it has in the past five thousand! One of the chief changes is that both men and women are waiting longer to get married. Here are some more numbers for you: the marriage rate has dropped by about 30 percent in the past twenty- five years, and on average, Americans are waiting about five years longer to marry than they did back in 1970. In New York, it's as rare to find someone in his or her twenties who's married as it is to find a cab on a rainy day during rush hour.

One reason people are saying, "I don't right now" instead of "I do" is that they're choosing to head higher up the corporate ladder before they go down the aisle. Both men and women are...

Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: McGraw-Hill Education
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2009
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 0071614966
• ISBN 13: 9780071614962
• Einband: Taschenbuch
• Anzahl der Seiten: 224
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: Nicht verfügbar
• Verantwortliche Person: Nicht verfügbar