No: The Only Negotiating System You Need for Work and Home - Hardcover

Camp, Jim

Hardcover

ISBN 10: 0307345742 ISBN 13: 9780307345745

Verlag: Crown Publishing Group, Division of Random House Inc, 2007

Inhaltsangabe

An introduction to the art of business negotiation explains how to use his innovative method to avoid unwarranted assumptions, hasty action, and unnecessary compromises that lead to poor deals in the workplace and at home. By the author of Start with No. 30,000 first printing.

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Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Jim Camp is an internationally sought after negotiation coach and trainer, developer of the Coach2100™ technology, a proprietary, patient pending negotiation project management and training system, and author of NO: The Only Negotiating Strategy You Need for Work and Home (Crown), the revised and updated version of his previous critically acclaimed business book, Start with No.

As president and founder of The Jim Camp Group, a negotiation training and management firm, Camp has coached individuals, companies, and governments worldwide through hundreds of negotiations that total more than 100 billion dollars per year.

Camp is involved in hundreds of negotiations a year by means of his proprietary technology called Coach2100.com, a fully secure, interactive, virtual environment where Camp-trained coaches evaluate, train, communicate with, and coach clients, and where they manage their negotiations in real time. Camp and his team are currently coaching more than 37 billion dollars in negotiations. This technology enables Camp’s clients to conduct negotiations anywhere in the world, fully supported by Camp-trained coaches, and achieve the kind of dramatic results that no other negotiator has duplicated.

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1

Stop the Roller Coaster, I Want to Get Off

Controlling the Commotion of Emotion

Before you make a decision, your emotions rage all over the place. Then when you make a decision, you set about rationalizing it. When you watch yourself and other people carefully, you can actually see the transition from one emotional state to the next—from the emotional state to the decision state. Every day, every hour, even every minute, under some circumstances, you flip back and forth, back and forth. I want to change my career. I just do, even though I’m doing well right here. My dad says I shouldn’t. I know I probably shouldn’t. But I want to. We’ve all had such experiences. I want to buy this car. I know I shouldn’t. Yeah, I will. Back and forth, on issues big and small. Sometimes this dynamic is plain for all to see. Sometimes it’s almost all underground. Regardless, it is always there.

Successful negotiation of any sort requires that you understand this fact and use it. As I have already emphasized in the introduction, your overriding task as a negotiator—in the office or in the home, with your family, or anywhere at all— is to replace compromise- and fear-based negotiating with decision-based negotiating. You must learn to progress from raw, unexamined emotions, which never produce good agreements, to the careful decisions that eventually do. Most negotiators remain mired in their own emotions. Nor do they ever get past the emotions that are bogging the other side down. You must see the emotions on both sides for what they are and work with them, not against them. When you do, you’re way ahead of the game and way ahead of 99 percent of your fellow men and women. But it’s hard not to get trapped in the emotional realm, especially because of one particular emotion that dominates all others in negotiations: neediness.

Exhibit No. 1: Neediness

Why are the eyes of so many beasts like the big cats, grizzly bears, polar bears, and wolverines set in the front of the head, facing forward? Because these animals are predators always looking ahead for prey. They have no need to look back or even much to the side. They have their eyes on the prize, because this is how they make their living. Now, why are our own eyes also set in the front of the head, facing forward? Because we are predators as well. Watching children in a playground is delightful, but it is also cautionary, as every parent knows, because along with the friendships and the kindnesses we also see some king-of-the-hill, one-upmanship, bullying instincts emerge at an early age. For many, these instincts last a lifetime, as anyone who has spent much time in a nursing home knows. They accompany some of us right to the grave. (You’ve probably seen the ad on TV with the two sets of grandparents sending pictures of their grandchildren back and forth, trying to one-up each other. The scene is played for laughs, but it also says a lot about human nature.)

Our “one-upping,” predatory nature is a harsh truth and not always a welcome one. But it is a vitally necessary point for you to understand. Like it or not, we are predators by nature, and the first instinct of predators is to take advantage of the fear-racked, the distressed, the vulnerable—in one word, the needy. We humans, at least, are also capable of wonderful altruism, but we don’t see much altruism in the world of business and negotiation, despite all the sweet talk of cagey practitioners.

In a negotiation, you may be dealing with some serious predators who are looking for the slightest sign of distress and neediness. “Dog-eat-dog” may not do justice to the aggression you will encounter, and good negotiators pounce on the slightest appearance of weakness. Every time you leave a long-winded message on an answering machine providing all kinds of information, you put yourself at a disadvantage. How? You’re too anxious and therefore seem needy. Each time you answer a question with much more information than is really called for, you are showing neediness and putting yourself at risk. Every time you set a price and then lower it, you are showing need and putting yourself in a weaker position. By cutting your price without being asked to and then explaining why you felt it important to cut the price, you are showing neediness and reinforcing a bad habit.

Many business negotiators are expert in creating neediness by feeding the hopes and expectations of the other side. They paint rosy, exaggerated scenarios for year-making commissions and career-making deals—all for the purpose of building neediness on the part of the other side for this bonanza. Then, when the neediness is well established, they lower the boom with changes, exceptions, and a host of other demands. And why not? They have the upper hand.

These are not profound observations about neediness. They are common sense, when you stop to think about them. The problem is that all too often we do not stop to think about neediness. Many trained negotiators schooled at our finest institutions have never heard a discussion of the subject, let alone considered how to deal with neediness. I know this because I’ve lectured at these institutions. The students understand what I’m talking about immediately—who wouldn’t?—but they have no sense of how neediness plays out over the course of a negotiation. Certainly most people don’t watch out for neediness during the negotiations encountered in their daily lives. But you must. When you slip and allow yourself to appear needy you are in danger and your negotiation is in big trouble.

You do not need this deal

Today, in our wealthy society, most of us have no good reason to need much of anything, but somehow we fool ourselves and program our minds and make statements like “I need this leather jacket.” Or “I need this Maserati.” Or “I need to make this call.” Or “I need to talk to you.” Or “I need this opportunity.” Or “I need this deal.” Or “I need to see her.” We use the word “need” much too casually.

You’re negotiating for a new home? You love this one house so much you need it? It’s perfect—perfect neighborhood, school district, size, color, fixtures, garage, game room, everything? You have to have it? You’ve decided for sure? In the first place, do you really need it? It’s not your family or your career. It is, bottom line, a shelter with four walls (probably more) and a roof. There are others. In the second place, who says the seller is not the one with some real neediness to make this deal? Control your own neediness. If, after all the looking at houses, you decide to pay a $100,000 premium, at least you’ve clearly understood what you’re doing, and why. (Clearly, auctions are expressly designed to build and manipulate dueling buyers’ respective neediness. Beware.)

You do truly need the basics of physical survival—air, water, food, clothing, and shelter—and everyone reading this book already has these. You also need the basics of intellectual and emotional well-being for a well-lived life of love, family, friendship, satisfying work, hobbies, and faith—each reader has his or her own list here. But it’s a short list, and it does not—or should not—include the $500 jacket or the $100,000 car, because there are other jackets and other cars. Nor should the list include this particular job, deal, or agreement, because there are other jobs, deals, and agreements.

You do not need this agreement. Nevertheless, neediness is everywhere. Sometimes it is blatant and easy to spot, but just as often it is subtle and insidious.

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Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: Crown Publishing Group, Division of Random House Inc
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2007
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 0307345742
• ISBN 13: 9780307345745
• Einband: Gebundene Ausgabe
• Auflage: 1
• Anzahl der Seiten: 270
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: Nicht verfügbar
• Verantwortliche Person: Nicht verfügbar