IF ONLY HE KNEW: A Valuable Guide to Knowing, Understanding, and Loving Your Wife - Softcover

Smalley, Gary

Softcover

ISBN 10: 0310328381 ISBN 13: 9780310328384

Verlag: HarperChristian Resources, 2012

Inhaltsangabe

Over 600,000 copies sold!

The perfect guide for husbands who want to love their wives and strengthen their marriages in a way like never before.

So you want your wife to . . .

• Understand you?
• Appreciate you?
• Be more responsive sexually?
• Support you during hard times?
• Admire you?
• Share your interests?
• Listen to what you have to say?

In this revised and updated edition of his classic bestseller, Gary Smalley explains a woman's deepest needs, shows men how to meet those needs, and gives ten simple steps to strengthen any marriage. He helps men to understand not only how to respond to a woman's feelings, but also how to make her feel important.

Using the latest research, humorous and touching illustrations from his own life, as well as case histories and biblical examples, Gary Smalley maps a blueprint to a better marriage that will have a deep and lasting impact on men and their wives.

Companion to For Better or for Best. Spanish edition also available.

Über diesen Titel

Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Gary Smalley was one of the country’s best-known authors and speakers on family relationships. In addition to writing The Blessing and The Two Sides of Love with John Trent, their book The Language of Love (newly revised and updated) won the Angel Award as the best contribution to family life. His national infomercial, Hidden Keys to Loving Relationships, has been viewed by television audiences all over the world.

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If Only He Knew

A valuable guide to knowing, understanding, and loving your wifeBy Gary Smalley Steve Scott

Zondervan

Copyright © 2012 Gary Smalley
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-310-32838-4

Contents

A Note from the Author's Wife................................................9If Only I Knew...............................................................111. HOW TO DRIVE YOUR WIFE AWAY WITHOUT EVEN TRYING...........................132. WHERE HAVE ALL THE FEELINGS GONE?.........................................313. IF YOUR WIFE DOESN'T WIN FIRST PLACE, YOU LOSE!...........................474. YOUR WIFE NEEDS YOUR SHOULDER, NOT YOUR MOUTH.............................635. CLIMBING OUT OF MARRIAGE'S DEEPEST PIT....................................796. WHAT NO WOMAN CAN RESIST..................................................1117. ASK HOW YOU CAN IMPROVE AS A HUSBAND......................................1218. IF YOUR WIFE'S NOT PROTECTED, YOU GET NEGLECTED...........................1319. ARGUMENTS ... THERE'S A BETTER WAY........................................14510. A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE ... IT'S EASIER THAN YOU THINK.....................15911. SO YOU WANT A PERFECT WIFE...............................................17112. WATCH OUT! IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU..........................................187Resources....................................................................191

Chapter One

HOW TO DRIVE YOUR WIFE AWAY WITHOUT EVEN TRYING

* * *

You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way.

1 Peter 3:7

At the other end of the phone a quivering voice said, "You've got to help me. She has a court order against me." George was coming to me for help after his relationship with his wife was already in shreds. "We've been married over twenty years, and she won't even let me back in the house. I can't believe she would treat me this way after all I've done for her. Can you help us get back together?"

Before I answered his question, I wanted to talk to his wife. "There's no way you can talk to Barbara," he said. "She wouldn't talk to you. The moment you say you're representing me in any way, she'll hang up on you."

"I've never been turned down by a wife yet," I assured him, "so we might as well see if this will be the first time. Would you give me her phone number?"

To be honest, as grim as things sounded, I did wonder if she would be the first wife not willing to talk to me about her marital strife. But my doubts were unfounded—she was more than anxious to discuss their problems.

"What would it take for you to be willing to let your husband back into your life? What would have to happen before you would try to rebuild a marriage relationship with him?" Those were the same questions I had asked many wives who claimed they didn't want their husbands back.

Her response was typical. "I can't possibly answer that question. He's the worst husband in the world, so I wouldn't think of taking him back. I can't stand his personality or his offensive habits anymore." The court order would take care of him, she told me. "Just keep him away!"

I gently asked her if she could tell me the things he had done to offend her. When I heard her response, I said, "It sounds like he hasn't been a very sensitive and gentle husband, has he?"

Once again I asked her to stretch her imagination and think about what changes would be necessary before she would take him back.

There was plenty of room for improvement, she told me. First, he was too domineering and critical of her. Second, he tried to control her every move with a possessive grip. Third, he trampled her sense of self-worth with constant ridicule. And fourth, although he always had time for business and other interests, he seldom took time to listen to her. On top of all that, he spied on her and didn't give her any freedom.

"Don't get any ideas, though," she told me at the end of our conversation. "Because no matter what, I won't stop the divorce."

When I relayed these complaints to George, I knew I had touched some sensitive spots. He defended himself and accused her. I let him rant for a while before asking, "Do you want your wife back?"

"Yes, I'd do anything to get her back," he said.

"Good. I'm always willing to work with someone ready to readjust his life. But if you're not totally serious, let me know now. I don't like to play games." Again he committed himself to change, but his commitment didn't last beyond my next statement. "We're going to have to work on your domineering and possessive nature. It shows you don't genuinely love your wife."

He fumed, spouted, defended, and fought so much I began to wonder if he really would commit himself to the necessary changes.

"I've never met a more belligerent, stubborn man in my entire life!" I exclaimed.

Suddenly subdued, he responded, "That's not my nature. I'm usually rather submissive inside. Maybe I'm putting up a front because I'm really not a pushy person. I feel like people run all over me."

"I don't think you and I are talking about the same person," I responded. "If I were your wife, I'm not sure I could bear up emotionally under your domineering personality."

That stopped him long enough for him to give our conversation some serious thought. After talking to his friends and even praying that God would help him understand, he returned to my office able to confess his faults and ready to change.

"If you really want to love your wife, then you need to begin right now, at the divorce trial," I said. Now that we were on the subject, he mentioned that he needed to get a lawyer because she had one.

"No," I cautioned him. "If you want to win her back, you need to forget about a lawyer this time." (I don't always recommend this, but based on their personal background, I felt he would stand a better chance of regaining her love without legal counsel.)

"You're crazy," he said. "They'll take me to the cleaners."

Feeling somewhat defenseless, he reluctantly agreed to forfeit legal counsel.

Two of his friends and I waited in the courthouse for the closed-room session to end. He came running out of the courtroom bellowing. "She wants 20 percent of my retirement ... 20 percent! No way I'm gonna do that!"

Once again I asked him, "Do you want your wife back?"

Again he nodded yes.

"Then give her 25 percent," I told him. I reminded him that now was the time to respect her and treat her sensitively. Later, he emerged from the courtroom a divorced man, but not for long ...

Several months later I ran into him at the grocery store. "My wife and I remarried," he said triumphantly. "I thought you were crazy when you first told me the things I should do for my wife ... there was no way I would ever be able to do them. It took sheer willpower at first. I only did them because you said that God rewards those who seek him and follow his ways. But you know, it's really amazing. After doing them for three months, I actually enjoy them."

He continued to give examples of the new ways he was treating his wife. Like the time she took a business trip and he wrote her a note telling her how much he wished he could be with...

Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: HarperChristian Resources
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2012
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 0310328381
• ISBN 13: 9780310328384
• Einband: Taschenbuch
• Anzahl der Seiten: 192
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: Nicht verfügbar
• Verantwortliche Person: gpsr@libri.de; gpsr@libri.de; ; Friedensallee 273; Hamburg; 22763; Deutschland