Nurturing The Shy Child: Practical Help For Raising Confident And Socially Skilled Kids And Teens - Hardcover

Markway, Barbara G., Ph.D.; Markway, Gregory P.

Hardcover

ISBN 10: 0312329776 ISBN 13: 9780312329778

Verlag: St Martin's Press, 2005

Inhaltsangabe

A manual for parents of shy children or teens who avoid social situations or experience inordinate levels of stress or self-consciousness when speaking in groups covers such treatment options as exposure therapy, relaxation techniques, breathing exercises, and writing exercises designed to help children overcome social anxiety. By the authors of Painfully Shy. 20,000 first printing.

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Über die Autorinnen und Autoren

Gregory P. Markway was previously an adjunct faculty member at the Washington University School of Medicine.

Barbara G. Markway, Ph.D., is a psychologist and co-author of Painfully Shy and Dying of Embarrassment. A nationally-recognized expert, she has appeared on Good Morning America and has been featured in The New York Times, Prevention, Women's World, Shape, and other prominent national publications. Together with her husband, Greg, she was a part of an award-winning documentary, Afraid of People, which aired throughout the country. Dr. Markway practices in Jefferson City, Missouri where she is the director of The Anxiety & Stress Management Center of Mid-Missouri.

Gregory P. Markway, Ph.D., co-wrote Painfully Shy with his wife, Barbara. He has been featured in national magazines such as Health, Men's Health, and Bottom Line Personal. Dr. Markway, also a psychologist, practices in Jefferson City and was previously an adjunct faculty member at the Washington University School of Medicine. When he's not helping others overcome their anxiety, he enjoys coaching youth baseball and offering sports enhancement services.

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Nurturing the Shy Child

CHAPTER 1

How Shy Is Too Shy?

Understanding Painful Shyness and Social Anxiety in Kids

 

 

 

 

WHEN I first met eight-year-old Austin, I had to greet him under the table in the waiting room.

There he sat with his freckles and red, curly hair, arms locked around his knees, eyes glued to the ground. As his parents tried to coax him out from under the table, I could tell this was a scared little guy. "Hey, Austin. I've got some toys in my office. You can play while I talk with your parents," I said. His blue eyes glanced up as I told him he wouldn't have to say a word if he didn't want to. His parents sighed with relief as Austin scooted out from under the table and followed us back to my office.

In talking with his parents, I asked about Austin's interests. I learned that he loved baseball. He and his dad watched major league games on television together, and they played catch in the backyard almost every evening. This year Austin was finally old enough for "coach pitch" baseball. When the day came for the first practice, Austin fell apart. He clutched his stomach saying it hurt, and he begged his parents not to make him go. "I knew he wasn't sick because he acted fine moments before I said it was time to leave," his mother told me.

The whole season went poorly and everyone became frustrated in the process. Austin cried before every practice and threw a major temper tantrum before each game. Some of the episodes were so severe that his parents carried him off the floor kicking and screaming to put him in the car. He didn't talk with the other boys on the team, and he could barely look the coach in the eye. Although Austin apparently had some talent from all the practicing he had done in the backyard with his father, he froze on the field and couldn't perform.

The problems they had with Austin and baseball that summer were eerily familiar, his parents told me. The previous fall Austin said he wanted to be in Cub Scouts. They signed him up, but when the first meeting rolled around, Austin cried and had a fit, refusing to go. His parents didn't push scouting and let him quit after a few traumatic attempts to get him to attend.

His parents explained that Austin could be quite a chatterbox at home and got along well with his brother and sister. When he was at school, however, it was a different story. During the parent-teacher conferences throughout the year, his teacher repeatedly expressed concern that Austin was "so quiet" and never participated in any group discussions. She also told them he played by himself at recess. He didn't seem to know how to join in with the other children. In addition, Austin frequently complained of stomachaches at school and asked to be sent to the nurse's office.

While many of their friends and relatives told them Austin was "just shy," his parents weren't convinced. I was glad they brought Austin to see me. From many years of working with children like Austin, I knew he wasn't "just shy." He was painfully shy. His shyness was interfering with his life. It kept him from fun things like baseball and Boy Scouts, and it prevented him from being happy at school. Eventually, if left untreated, his severe shyness could lead to other issues, such as academic problems, low self-esteem, and depression.

The technical term for the condition Austin suffers from is social anxiety disorder, or social phobia as it's sometimes called. In the rest of this chapter, you'll learn what social anxiety is, at what point it becomesa disorder, and the common symptoms children with this problem are likely to experience. You'll also have the opportunity to complete a questionnaire to determine if your child may have social anxiety disorder and where his or her particular problems lie. Perhaps the most important information you'll take from this chapter is the realization that you're not alone. As was the case for Austin's parents, it can be a relief to know your child's problem has a name and that help is near.

WHAT IS SOCIAL ANXIETY?

SOCIAL ANXIETY IS a universal experience, one that's necessary for survival. It was easier to see its survival value in previous times, when people had to band together to hunt food, build shelter, and ward off enemies. Social anxiety served the function of keeping people close to the "pack." To veer off from the group was to risk death.

Even now, we've evolved in such a way that we're motivated to remain a part of the group. We want to be accepted. We want to fit in. Thus, some social anxiety is normal and beneficial. After all, people who never care about others' opinions are often not very pleasant to be around and have a completely different set of problems.

But what exactly is social anxiety? It's the experience of apprehension or worry that arises from the possibility, either real or imagined, that one will be evaluated or judged in some manner by others. Sometimes it's easier to explain what social anxiety is by listing some ordinary, everyday examples:

• embarrassment after spilling a drink

• "stage fright" before a big performance

• awkwardness while talking to someone you don't know well

• nervousness during a job interview

• feeling jittery before giving a speech

These are common experiences almost everyone has had at one time or another. Children, too, naturally experience some social anxiety throughout their day-to-day lives. Because most children attend school, many situations that elicit social anxiety are for them particular to their environment:

• being called on by the teacher

• giving a report in class

• reading aloud

• eating in the school cafeteria

• writing on the blackboard

• using school restrooms

Since social anxiety is so universal, how do you know where your child's reactions fall? Are they within the range of normal? Or, like Austin, does social anxiety pose more of a problem? In other words, how can you tell when social anxiety becomes social anxiety disorder--a clinical diagnosis?

RECOGNIZING SOCIAL ANXIETY DISORDER

MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONALS use The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders--Fourth Edition (DSM-IV) to make diagnostic decisions. While it's not a perfect system, diagnoses are important for a number of reasons. Without a name for the problem, research vital to understanding and developing effective treatments for it simply doesn't take place. On a practical level, if you try to receive mental health services for a problem that has no diagnosis, you're not likely to get your insurance to pay.

Let's look at the specific criteria that must be met for a clinical diagnosis of social anxiety disorder. Then we'll discuss some of the nuances involved in diagnosing social anxiety disorder in children. The DSM-IV says an individual with social anxiety disorder

• shows significant and persistent fear of social situations in which embarrassment or rejection may occur

• experiences immediate anxiety-driven, physical reactions to feared social situations

• realizes that his or her fears are greatly exaggerated but feels powerless to do anything about them

• often avoids the dreaded social situation--at any cost

Someone may fear just one or a few social situations--public speaking is a common example--in which case the problem is referred to as a specific or discrete social phobia. In contrast,...

Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: St Martin's Press
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2005
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 0312329776
• ISBN 13: 9780312329778
• Einband: Gebundene Ausgabe
• Auflage: 1
• Anzahl der Seiten: 218
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: Nicht verfügbar
• Verantwortliche Person: Nicht verfügbar