Conversations And Cosmopolitans: Awkward Moments, Mixed Drinks, and How a Mother and Son Finally Shared Who They Really Are - Softcover

Rave, Robert

Softcover

ISBN 10: 0312554230 ISBN 13: 9780312554231

Verlag: Griffin, 2011

Inhaltsangabe

Part Augusten Burroughs, part Robert Leleux, Conversations and Cosmopolitans is a hilarious and touching memoir written by a mother, Jane, and her son, Robert, as they navigate their new relationship together after Robert announces in a hand-written letter that he is gay.

After moving from the Midwest to New York City at the age of twenty-one, Robert Rave finally found the resolve to mail a letter to his parents informing them that he was gay. Once Robert was "out," both he and his mother Jane felt a newfound freedom to be more honest with each other. From the discrimination Jane experienced as a pregnant teenager in a small town, to Robert's "manscaping," almost no topic was off-limits in their conversations. Soon, Robert was creating a "gay glossary" so that Jane could understand the lexicon and Jane was giving Robert the same dating advice that she used to give Robert's older sister ("men are jerks").

CONVERSATIONS AND COSMOPOLITANS is a frank, funny, and heartfelt look at coming out from both a mother's and son's perspective, and an inspiring memoir about building family relationships based on honesty, openness, and acceptance.

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Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

JANE RAVE grew up in a small Midwest town, doing all the things you do in a small town: cheerleading, band, and church activities. She is the mother of three, grandmother of six and has been married for forty-four years. Jane lives in Illinois.
ROBERT RAVE is the author of two novels, Spin and Waxed, and currently lives in Los Angeles.

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Conversations and Cosmopolitans

Awkward Moments, Mixed Drinks, and How a Mother and Son Finally Shared Who They Really AreBy Robert Rave

St. Martin's Griffin

Copyright © 2011 Robert Rave
All right reserved.
ISBN: 9780312554231

CHAPTER ONE
The End
Graduation day for a gay-in-training who’s decided to come out to his conservative Midwestern parents
 
 
Within one month of moving to New York, I sat down at my computer and began drafting what I affectionately refer to as “the message of honesty and love.” I poured my heart and soul into this letter, offering answers to every question my parents might have regarding my sexuality. At twenty-one, I viewed it as a great literary work and fantasized that one day, years after my death, it would be framed, like the letters of Virginia Wolfe.
However, my mother diminishes this great literary feat, referring to it simply as “the gay letter.” That’s my mother: sweet but definitely to the point. I’ve reprinted the letter here with its original typos and grammatical errors, all of which she’s pointed out to me.
Hey guys this is the hardest thing I have had to do in my life. This letter is not something I ever wanted to write or never wanted to have to deal with myself. For the past 21 years I kept thinking that it would pass or that things would change I think I have been fooling myself and I can no longer lie to you because I love you both so much and feel that we are extremely close to each other that it pains me more not to tell you than to keep it to myself. I might as well just lay it on the line: I am gay.
You have to understand that just as I typed that I am actually welling up because I have never officially acknowledged to myself in black and white or let alone to another person. I know this is going to be very, very painful for you to accept your hopes and dreams for me may seem like they have disappeared in many ways. Believe me, they have not. I am the same Robert, Bob, Bobby, Berto that you raised so well. I guess I am writing this letter because I am much better expressing myself through the written word sometimes as opposed to physically saying it. I get all jumbled and nervous. Plus, I wanted to give you time to think about this and react and mourn and go through all the necessary emotions and then come talk to me about it when your ready.
I don’t expect you to understand or necessary accept it right away. It has taken me 21 years to accept. The best thing I could think of to do is to give you some basic question and answers that you are probably already thinking of that you know where I am coming from instead of me just rambling on and on and making much sense.
Are you sure you are gay? Is it just a phase? Is it the way you were raised?
Well I am 100% positive that I am gay. I have tried to date women and be sexual with them but it just never connected or clicked no matter how hard I tried or how many times I tried. I just am not sexually attracted to them. For so many years I just kept lying to myself and telling myself that it would pass and the attraction would come and I just inevitably was forcing something that wasn’t there and after awhile I felt like I was headed for a breakdown because I was feeling so tormented inside by the lies I would have to tell myself and to others. There were so many nights starting about 11 or 12 where I would go to bed praying that when I woke up that I wouldn’t be gay. I did this almost every night until about age 19 when I realized either God has fallen asleep or it wasn’t going to happen. I remember wishing that I would be anything but gay. I remember saying I rather be physically handicapped then gay. As much as I thought that my being gay would pass, the stronger it became the older I got.
Was the way I raised have anything to do with my being gay?
ABSOLUTELY NOT. I have always been my own person and have chose my own interests thanks to the freedom that you both have given to me. But with all the choices and opportunities that you both have given me the choice of my sexuality was not one of them. I wish it was because I never would have chosen this. I would never have chosen to be made fun of, discriminated against, laughed at, and ridiculed. This is something that I have known from a very early age.
Is this why you moved to NYC?
NO. NO. NO. My reasons for moving out to New York are because I want to be in the city that doesn’t sleep and where I can thrive on the energy and life of a city. I want to live in a place where there is something new you can do everyday. I moved to New York to pursue my dreams. It is very frightening and exciting for me to say the least. Not only with me being up in the air about a job but with keeping this secret that I couldn’t do it no longer. I felt that if I didn’t tell you in the next couple of months I would have seriously had a breakdown with all of the stress that has been escalating and that is no exaggeration. To say that I had a lot on my mind would be a grave over-generalization.
Why tell us now?
Good question. I don’t know why this week or this day or this particular year. I just knew that I couldn’t continue to lie to you anymore. I have been extremely open with you about every other aspect of my life. This guilt has torn me apart and I couldn’t stand the sleepless nights anymore.
I didn’t like lying to you about another major aspect of who I am. It hurts me so much to know that this letter is hurting you both. The last thing I want to do is hurt you by all this. I have so much love and respect for both of you that the last thing I want to do is hurt you by this. That is why I couldn’t bear to see the expressions on both of your faces. It would literally crush me. But for the last couple years it no longer was a question of if I told you, it was more of a question of when. For my own mental welfare, it was time to tell you. It is so hard to do but in some ways as I am typing this it feels very cathartic and up lifting that lies about this major aspect of my life can now end.
Does anybody else know?
NO. I knew that you two should be the first since you two are the most important people in my life. As far as me wanting to broadcast it to the world, its not going to happen at least not right now. I have to deal with this too. My immediately family is the only people that I am really concerned about it. I don’t think that aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents really need to know at this point. I mean if they ask I won’t lie nor do I expect you to lie, but somehow I don’t see it coming up. I am not of those gay people you see on TV or in the paper with their pink flags and marching in parades although I do believe gay people deserve the same rights as the rest of the human race.
Anyway, one the reasons I never really considered myself gay was because of the images that I saw on television were not me. I am not one of those images that the media was representing on the news etc. However, as more “normal” gay people came out and lead normal lives it makes me feel a little better that the tide is changing with the perception. But back to the question, none of my friends know with the exception of Laurie whom I had to tell because I really needed someone to talk to desperately. For the rest of my friends, I am sure I will lose 75% of them when they find out. I am in no rush to tell them in fact the friends that I truly care about most of them I will tell them myself, the others if they find out...

Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: Griffin
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2011
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 0312554230
• ISBN 13: 9780312554231
• Einband: Taschenbuch
• Anzahl der Seiten: 304
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: Nicht verfügbar
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