20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed: Discover the Secrets to Understanding the Unique Needs of Your Adopted Child-and Becoming the Best Parent You Can Be - Softcover

Eldridge, Sherrie

Softcover

ISBN 10: 0385341628 ISBN 13: 9780385341622

Verlag: Random House Publishing Group, 2009

Inhaltsangabe

Do I have what it takes to be a successful adoptive parent?
Does my child consider me a successful parent?
Will I ever hear my rebellious teen say, “I love you”?
What tools do I need to succeed?

In her groundbreaking first book, Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew, Sherrie Eldridge gave voice to the very real concerns of adopted children, whose unique perspectives offered unprecedented insight. In this all-new companion volume, Eldridge goes beyond those insights and shifts her focus to parents, offering them much-needed encouragement and hope.

Speaking from her own experience as an adoptee and an expert in the field of adoption, Eldridge shares proven strategies and the moving narratives of nearly one hundred adoptive families, helping parents gain a deeper understanding of what is normal, both for their children and themselves. By first strengthening yourself as a parent, you’ll be able to truly listen to your child, and to connect with him on every level, by opening the channels of communication and keeping them open forever. Then you and your child can grow closer through the practical exercises at the end of every chapter.

Discover how to
• be confident that your role in your child’s life is vital and irreplaceable
• pass on the legacy of healthy self-care by assessing and regulating your stress
• communicate unconditional love to your child
• talk candidly with your child about her adoption and her birth family
• teach your family how to respond positively to insensitive remarks about adoption
• connect with other adoptive families–and build a support network
• plus learn to become a “warrior” parent…settle the “real parent” question…cope with emotional triggers–what to do when you “lose it” . . . celebrate the miracle of your family…and much more

Über diesen Titel

Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Sherrie Eldridge is the author of the bestselling Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew. An internationally known adoption expert and speaker, she is also the founder and president of Jewel Among Jewels Adoption Network. She lives in Indiana with her husband.

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Chapter One



 Discover the Sweet Spot of Success Learn Where to Experience Peace and Joy, No Matter What


Leah was a woman ahead of her time. As a social worker, she assisted lawyers, physicians, and women in crisis pregnancies.In her spare time, she operated the County Home, or orphanage,where she poured her life and love into abused and abandoned children who were sent to her for refuge.

One balmy August day, Leah was delivering a baby to new adoptive parents. However, this wasn't any ordinary adoption. This was the adoption of her first granddaughter by her son, Mike, and daughter-in-law, Retha, who had suffered from infertility for years. The homecoming of this baby was a new beginning for them.


Leah pulled into the gravel driveway in her big black Buick, washed by the children at the orphanage for this event. With her heart pounding and hot tears streaming down her cheeks, Leah whispered to the sleeping newborn on the front seat next to her, "Here we are, sweetheart. You're going to meet your new mommy and daddy. They already love you so much and have been waiting for you for years."

Grabbing her linen handkerchief from her patent leather purse, she tried to stop her tears, which dripped freely onto the baby's tiny face. As she nestled her granddaughter close to her bountiful bosom, she smoothed the satin-lined pink blanket around the baby's body. Then, in her tie-up grandma shoes, she tiptoed up the steps of the bungalow house, with the glee of a child who has just received a present she can't wait to share.

Opening the squeaky door to the screened-in porch, Leah proceeded to peek through the three little windows of the front door to see Retha and Mike rushing to meet her. With shaking hands, Mike reached out to hold their new daughter. "She's so tiny . . . I can hold her in the palm of one hand!" Mike exclaimed. Retha gently placed her hand beneath Mike's to steady his grip. When she could wait no longer, she said, "Now I want to hold her." Suddenly, the baby arched her back and began crying. Retha's body tensed and she wondered if she was doing something wrong. Maybe the baby didn't like her. Maybe she wasn't cut out to be a mom. She pulled the baby closer and the baby screamed louder, refusing her touch. Nervously, she handed the baby back to Leah.

Fast on the heels of the fearful thoughts about the baby rejecting her was haunting guilt. Retha asked herself how she could entertain such thoughts about this baby they had longed for. Where did those feelings come from? Neither Mike nor Retha realized that they had a secret parental need—to know that their child loved them.

They also had no idea about the challenges that this innocent baby would bring into their lives, but they were determined to do this parenting thing right. They wanted to succeed in meeting the needs of this tiny one.

We Couldn't Understand Some of Her Behaviors
As a baby, their daughter did things they didn't understand and they had no idea how to handle the behaviors. They didn't know any other parents with adopted kids, so they had no one to ask if her unusual actions were normal for an adopted child.

When they tried to cuddle their baby, her body went stiff. She refused to eat. When they put her into her crib, she aggressively rocked on her knees. The motion moved the crib around the room so they never knew where they might find it the next morning.

As a young child, she seemed clumsy and banged her head against every chair and car seat she sat in. And what a temper! What should they do with a raging child, kicking on the living room floor? Was it best to put her out on the back porch to settle down?

Then there was the day that she scratched "I love you" messages on their fine bedroom furniture. Should they be happy about that? Their daughter's learning ability seemed below normal, despite the tutors Retha hired.

Retha wept after the frequent shouting matches with her teenage daughter. Why was she the brunt of her anger? She sat up into the wee hours of the morning, waiting for her daughter to return from high school dates.

Why did her daughter prefer Mike? Why did she try to separate Retha from Mike by making Retha look bad in his eyes? Retha and Mike both were trying so hard.

Our Daughter Started Making Unhealthy Choices
In time, Retha and Mike's parental confidence grew, and their daughter seemed to respond in somewhat healthy ways to their teaching—at least sporadically. She was about to finish college and was madly in love with a young man whom they would have chosen themselves as a husband for her.

Then one rainy September evening, their daughter, barely twenty years old, came through the front door of their home; the same door her grandmother had carried her through as a baby. This time, her boyfriend entered close behind her. He held her as she choked out the news no parent of a barely twenty-year-old daughter ever wants to hear. She was pregnant.

Retha embraced both of them as her daughter sobbed. Mike rushed out of the room, ashamed of his tears. This daughter was his beloved child; the daughter he once held in the palm of one hand; the daughter he proudly watched ride on the parade float as her high school class representative; the daughter he dreamed of escorting down the aisle of his church as a radiant bride in a beautiful white dress.

Our Hearts Ached
That night, Retha and Mike lay side by side, talking about how they had failed their daughter. Their dreams for her seemed to wilt like beautiful roses stricken by an unexpected frost.

But thirty-seven years later, after they had passed away and their daughter had grown up, Retha and Mike were declared successful parents.

How could this be? Who could say that they were successful after so many challenges and heartbreaking experiences? The most qualified judge of their success was the baby who was carried into their home on August 4, 1945. That baby was me. After six decades of life, I know that my mom and dad were incredibly successful.

If they were still alive, I would give them a blue ribbon with these words printed in gold leaf: "Mike and Retha Cook, Successful Adoptive Parents."

Your Need to Succeed as a Parent
This book is about your success in raising your adopted child.

You may be asking yourselves what it means to be successful as an adoptive parent. On many days, you may look around for proof of success and not be able to see any positive results of your efforts.

What if your child spins out of control? What if he has uncontrollable temper tantrums? What if she is diagnosed with bipolar disorder? What if your child can never love you back? What if she's hooked on drugs or runs away from home? What if he stole everything precious to you and pawned it off for drug money? What if you had to place her in an institutionalized setting because she was suicidal? Would these things mean that you failed as a parent?

Success may feel unattainable, like a chinning bar that's raised with every trial you face. Even if you do get through the trials with your child and everyone in your life considers you successful, you may still have nagging doubts or feel empty inside.

Trials don't make you unsuccessful; it's how you handle them. You long to meet the needs of your child, to offer him your utmost. This is the cry of your heart. You want to know that you are a success as a parent. It's okay to admit that need.

Yet this need is unmet for many of you. It can be downright tough parenting an adopted child in a predominately nonadoptive world. You face parenting with an extra layer of challenges that the nonadopted world likely will never comprehend: your child's abandonment and attachment issues, unresolved grief, loss of the...

Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: Random House Publishing Group
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2009
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 0385341628
• ISBN 13: 9780385341622
• Einband: Taschenbuch
• Anzahl der Seiten: 320
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: Nicht verfügbar
• Verantwortliche Person: gpsr@libri.de; gpsr@libri.de; ; Friedensallee 273; Hamburg; 22763; Deutschland