Getting a Life with Asperger's: Lessons Learned on the Bumpy Road to Adulthood - Softcover

Saperstein, Jesse A.

Softcover

ISBN 10: 0399166688 ISBN 13: 9780399166686

Verlag: Penguin Publishing Group, 2014

Inhaltsangabe

Hard-won insights on transitioning into adulthood

Author, speaker, and autism advocate Jesse A. Saperstein knows a lot about living with Asperger’s. Diagnosed at the age of 14, Jesse has struggled, triumphed, flubbed, soared, educated, and inspired. Along the road to adulthood, he has learned many lessons the hard way. In this honest and engaging book, he offers a guided tour of what he’s learned about getting along with others, managing emotions, succeeding in school and work, building relationships, and more. Among his Asperger’s Rules are:

Clean Up Your Own Mess (including but not limited to credit card debt, out-of-control collections, and your cesspool of a room)

You Can’t Bail Out the Titanic with a Wine Glass (or change the world of online dating)

Serving as a Role Model to the Next Generation of Asperger's Syndrome

Navigating the challenges of college and the unrelenting storm of transition.

The Road to Catastrophe is Paved with Good Intentions (understanding how others perceive you, even if they’re wrong)

WIN (Work Is Necessary) You are talented enough to maintain employment even if your options are not ideal

Confronting Memories of Bullying and Showing Mercy toward Yourself


Heartfelt, insightful, and generous, this book will enlighten and inform readers, whether they are on the autism spectrum or not.

Über diesen Titel

Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

An autism advocate and popular motivational speaker, Jesse A. Saperstein is considered one of the most respected leaders in the anti-bullying movement of his generation.

Auszug. © Genehmigter Nachdruck. Alle Rechte vorbehalten.

INTRODUCTION

Our experience as parents of a child with autism has made us better parents and better people. Eric has taught us patience and to accept difference. He has a knack for doing typical things in atypical ways. It seems like he is telling us, “Have patience. My way may take longer, but it will get the job done!” May that always serve him well. Jason, Eric’s older brother, reminds us, “Hey, Eric may use his fork backwards, but he still gets the food into his mouth!” Jason is a fantastic role model and has a unique connection and dedication to Eric that we hope lasts their lifetime. If you watch and listen, then your child with autism will teach you. We hope Eric will attend college. He has talked about wanting to be a teacher one day. We are grateful for all we learn from Eric on a daily basis.

Eric is now seven years old. He is a true free spirit. He is the most happy-go-lucky person you will ever meet. You want to be him. If society did not apply pressure to march in the typical parade of life, then Eric would float, fly, and flutter as the very best colorful butterfly he could be!

What we do know is that he has made tremendous progress and the future looks bright. At first, there were many concerns about his ability to function in the world. Would he talk, could he connect, will he be happy? We still worry about those things, but now we are excited to see what kind of person he will become in adulthood.

—Stacey and Brian Orzell

Many of my childhood memories are intertwined with trauma due to my inappropriate, often bizarre, behavior. Ninety percent of my actions were motivated by the justification of “I just wanted to see what would happen.” My nickname at summer camp was “Jesse the Troublemaker.” One afternoon, the bus transported a group of six-year-olds and me to a lake infested with turtles and shimmering sunfish. I darted to the exit at the back of my bus with the colorful emergency insignia and wondered what would happen if I pushed the handle in a counterclockwise direction. Like the man wielding a sledgehammer to flaunt his strength at a cheap carnival, I wanted to show off and attract an audience. A siren blared as a frantic counselor pushed the lever back to its upright position. I cried my eyes out as she grabbed my wrist.

“What are you doing? Don’t you know you could have fallen out and been left behind?!”

This behavior erupted like a case of hives and then receded without a trace. I loved “making things happen” and relished the power to manipulate adults like marionettes with my antics. Adults were also in the dark as to why I was so different and recklessly exacerbated my social troubles by finding creative ways to seize negative attention.

Think back to your own antics and laugh once in a while because it is healthier than dwelling on the shame. What did you do for negative attention either on purpose or because you did not know better? A woman recently told me about her nephew who was disciplined after knocking down a teacher the day he chose to walk sideways through the entire school like a crab. Only the Asperger’s mind could come up with such brilliance mixed with pointless mayhem. Unfortunately, it often takes years for brilliance to become the dominant factor. A cache of scathing criticism has damaged some of us into not giving ourselves the freedom to be unique and embrace the fundamental advantages of being on the autism spectrum.

Until I was diagnosed with autism at the age of fourteen, my bad behavior was chalked up to immaturity. All that changed when I received the diagnosis. Suddenly, the psychiatrist who had always reminded me of that villain from Raiders of the Lost Ark gave me the perfect explanation and a carte blanche for all kinds of misbehavior when he said, “Jesse, I think I know what is going on with you. You have something called Asperger’s, which is the mildest form of autism.” After that conversation in the psychiatrist’s office, I viewed high-functioning autism as a two-year-old brother still in the babbling, parrot stage of childhood development. He was the perfect scapegoat as someone too innocent to get into trouble and not verbal enough to defend himself against false accusations. A child will do just about anything to avoid consequences and responsibility. Therefore, this psychiatrist gave me the perfect gift that allowed me to “get away with murder” for the rest of my youth.

As I got older, transitioning into my teen years and twenties, I came to see that inappropriate behavior was no longer something I could easily blame on Asperger’s syndrome. Others did not dismiss my comments or actions as simply quirky, cute, or different. Now they were creepy, troubling, and not acceptable.

Welcome to the Real World

When I was a kid, the worst that often happened as a result of inappropriateness was earning a detention or scolding from an adult. Now consequences seem to have a nuclear half-life and bouncing back is a long-term process. All of a sudden, the inappropriate pursuit of women or having a meltdown at a job site were serious actions followed by brutal consequences. These are lessons I learned the hard way.

The process of becoming an adult isn’t easy for anyone, whether they are on the spectrum or not. It’s a slow shift in attitudes and priorities, which often comes with a steep learning curve as we try to understand what others expect of us and what we want for ourselves.

Everyone is different, but if you happen to be on the spectrum, it is highly possible that you are also trying to break away from youthful behavioral patterns that are no longer serving you well. On bad days, the acrid memories bounce around my head of those times when I was punished due to an inability to understand boundaries. We have the proclivity to blurt out comments without considering the comfort zones of others. Perhaps it wasn’t entirely our fault, or perhaps it was. The process of letting go is a hobbling marathon, and the tendency to dwell is often at the surface. These feelings remain stagnant like murky groundwater in a Florida marshland, and it does not take much for these emotions to rise to the surface as though an underground volcano has become active.

Each of us deals with our demons in a different way. Some choose therapy or explosive tantrums, even though a temper is the only thing you cannot get rid of by losing it. Others are dependent on video games to experience the thrill of virtual victory and subsisting on the diet of routine, family support, or disability payments. Some have jobs that are occasionally interrupted by misunderstandings, but there is a niche that has been carved. Others are veterans of job terminations due to a mixture of poor luck and repeating the same behavioral patterns responsible for such devastation.

Are you the beautiful, but spacey, woman whose exotic features became a double-edged sword? How could someone so talented and intelligent have such trouble showing up to places on time or carrying on a conversation? This book may not profile your struggles as much as it should because it is written from the point of view and experiences of an adult male. But the mildness of your differences may have prevented you from obtaining the services that could have shaved off some of your suffering. Hopefully you also see your beauty and talent that is reflected in such celebrities as Daryl Hannah and Susan Boyle, who recently opened up to the public about their own diagnosis.

Or are you like me—also struggling to build your adult life after a rough start? Were there fewer resources? Do you continue to make strides but still harbor bitterness for what does not exist? If you are lucky, any bitterness is...

Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: Penguin Publishing Group
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2014
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 0399166688
• ISBN 13: 9780399166686
• Einband: Taschenbuch
• Anzahl der Seiten: 240
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: Nicht verfügbar
• Verantwortliche Person: preigu; mail@preigu.de; ; Lengericher Landstr. 19; Osnabrück; 49078; Deutschland