Homecoming: Overcome Fear and Trauma to Reclaim Your Whole, Authentic Self - Hardcover

Bryant Ph.D., Thema

Hardcover

ISBN 10: 059341831X ISBN 13: 9780593418314

Verlag: TarcherPerigee, 2022

Inhaltsangabe

A road map for dismantling the fear and shame that keep you from living a free and authentic life.

In the aftermath of stress, disappointment, and trauma, people often fall into survival mode, even while a part of them longs for more. Juggling multiple demands and responsibilities keeps them busy, but not healed. As a survivor of sexual assault, racism, and evacuation from a civil war in Liberia, Dr. Thema Bryant knows intimately the work involved in healing. Having made the journey herself, in addition to guiding others as a clinical psychologist and ordained minister, Dr. Thema shows you how to reconnect with your authentic self and reclaim your time, your voice, your life.

Signs of disconnection from self can take many forms, including people-pleasing, depression, anxiety, and resentment. Healing starts with recognizing and expressing emotions in an honest way and reconnecting with the neglected parts of yourself, but it can’t be done in a vacuum. Dr. Thema gives you the tools to meaningfully connect with your larger community, even if you face racism and sexism, heartbreak, grief, and trauma. Rather than shrinking in the face of life’s difficulties, you will discover in Homecoming the therapeutic approaches and spiritual practices to live a more expansive life characterized by empowerment, healthier relationships, gratitude, and a deeper sense of purpose.
 

Über diesen Titel

Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Dr. Thema Bryant is a clinical psychologist and 2023 president of the American Psychological Association. She is also a professor of psychology at Pepperdine University and an ordained minister in the African Methodist Episcopal Church. Dr. Thema earned her doctorate from Duke University and completed her postdoctoral training at Harvard Medical School. With more than twenty years of experience in trauma recovery, she has appeared as a mental health expert on television, radio, and print media. Dr. Thema raises awareness about mental health issues on The Homecoming Podcast and her social media platforms.

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Part one

 

Longing for Home

 

Chapter One

 

Ring the Alarm: I Need a Homecoming

 

There's a feeling here inside . . .

 

I wish I was home.

 

-"Soon As I Get Home," as sung

by Diana Ross in The Wiz

 

Home is not a place. . . . It's a feeling.

 

-Cecelia Ahern

 

I was a Black girl in Baltimore, about nine years old and still playing with dolls. The phone rang, and I answered it. The person on the other end didn't give me a chance to identify myself. There was no time to say, "This is not Pastor Bryant." The caller was already crying and halfway through her story before I could say, "Hold on a minute. Let me get my dad." This kind of call was not rare because I grew up as a pastor's daughter in a community that had more trust in and received more comfort from ministers than therapists. A few years later, when I was a teen and people would call while my parents weren't home, I would offer a listening ear or any words of comfort or assurance that came to mind. I guess you could say my first time working on a crisis hotline was in my home as a teen. I appreciated these moments of bearing witness and being present with people as they tried to navigate the valleys of life. I had already experienced some valleys myself and understood the value of being heard, seen, and supported. When I learned that this was not just a role for pastors, but that for some people this was their life's work, I made the decision to become a psychologist.

 

As a psychologist, I have worked for over twenty years with diverse people who had a range of concerns, from workplace stress to family conflict. As a social-justice-oriented therapist, I am mindful that many of the challenges people face do not originate solely within them. Systemic oppression and biases influence our lives in critical ways that can affect our mental health. I love being a psychologist-for me, it transcends the limits of a career. It is a vocation, a sacred calling to facilitate the process healing.

 

Whether working to help people cope with daily sources of stress or major life events, I have found the most challenging persons to work with are those who don't want to be in therapy and don't see any need to grow, heal, or change. One's motivation for change greatly influences the experience one has in therapy. Lack of motivation is especially evident when I think about clients I have worked with who were mandated to attend therapy by a judge or who were required to come by a spouse or parent. These clients did not see a problem with themselves or with the way they were living. One of the first things I have to do in such sessions-whether with an abusive spouse, someone with substance use disorder, or an argumentative teenager-is address motivation. When clients are not willing to engage, they will attempt to spend the entire session talking about why they don't need to be there, how great everything is, or even what is happening on their favorite television show. We have to do the work of motivation before we can begin the deeper work.

 

Your decision to pick up this book means that you have recognized one or more areas in which you want to grow, and you already have some motivation to enhance your life. I'm glad that something about the idea of homecoming resonated with you. Let me first paint for you a clear picture of homecoming. Homecoming is a return to authentic living that is based on truth, self-acceptance, and an aligning of action with values and purpose. Home is more than a physical location; it is an emotional and spiritual space of belonging, appreciation, and love. When I am at home within myself, I have nothing to prove. I am free to be myself without pretense or performance. Homecoming is moving away from the detours and disconnections and coming back to the wisdom housed in our hearts, minds, bodies, and spirits. Dr. Maya Angelou said, "I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself. The ache for home lives in all of us."

 

To decide I need a homecoming means I have recognized that there are some ways in which I have been living disconnected or unaware of myself, my needs, my wounds, my knowledge, or even my dreams. So if you feel disconnected from yourself, the question arises: "Who or what has been dictating your life?" Some of you have lived out your parents' dreams and expectations. Some of you have lived in reaction to people who have hurt you, causing you to build a life based on revenge or the idea that you have to "show them" that you are valuable, important, or enough. Still others have constructed an identity and life to gain the approval of friends and even strangers, without ever checking in to see if you approve of yourself.

 

Rain, a Latina in her late twenties, feels stuck in her resentment. She is angry about what she did not receive as a child. The way her family mistreated and emotionally neglected her was hurtful, and she has faced many consequences from the pain of those formative years. The problem with being stuck looking back is that you never get to live in the present. The problem with focusing all of your attention on the people who let you down is that you can let yourself down by not paying attention to your own needs. Rain joins us on this journey, recognizing the signs that she is not at home with herself. She is ready to come home, to give herself what she never received.

 

While a handful of you may have picked up this book after one week of disconnection, most of us have gone through extended periods when we were not tuned into our thoughts and feelings. We can lose ourselves, subtly and slowly, without even realizing it. Those around us may not have noticed, either. Losing track of yourself while you take care of others may even be encouraged by your culture, religion, social circle, or professional field. An awakening to the reality of your disconnection is necessary to begin the journey home. This chapter will highlight some of the thought patterns and emotional weights that are signs that you have been living with some level of disconnection from yourself. I will provide you with the empowering skills to recognize these signs, and I'll offer some initial tips to begin charting the course back home to yourself. Recognizing and addressing these internal signs is important because not only is living an inauthentic life unfulfilling, but it can also become harmful to your physical and mental health.

 

If I didn't define myself for myself,

I would be crunched into other people's

fantasies for me and eaten alive.

 

-Audre Lorde

 

What are the ways you have been crunched, boxed in, or pressured by other people's ideas about who you are or what you are supposed to be?

 

When were the seasons in your life when you felt overwhelmed by the opinions of others to the point that it crowded out the sound of the still small voice within?

 

You are not alone in this experience. The details and context vary, but many of us have had seasons or lifetimes of disconnection from ourselves.

 

Charisma, a single African American woman, has felt disconnected from herself for the majority of her life. She grew up in an impoverished neighborhood where she had to be vigilant at all times. Her life vacillated between painfully silent and painfully loud. During the week, her teachers demanded constant silence in her overcrowded classrooms. Her father rarely came to see her and her mom had to work long hours, so Charisma was often home alone, focusing on schoolwork and house chores; the background noise of a television series did not reflect her reality. On the weekends, she would stay at...

Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: TarcherPerigee
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2022
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 059341831X
• ISBN 13: 9780593418314
• Einband: Gebundene Ausgabe
• Anzahl der Seiten: 256
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: Tarcher; https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/search/tarcher?page=1&q=TARCHER; ; Attn: Andrea T Sheridan 1745 BROADWAY; New York; NY; 10019; USA
• Verantwortliche Person: Nicht verfügbar