The Surrendered Single: A Practical Guide to Attracting and Marrying the Man Who's Right for You - Softcover

Doyle, Laura

Softcover

ISBN 10: 0743217896 ISBN 13: 9780743217897

Verlag: Touchstone, 2002

Inhaltsangabe

THIS CONTROVERSIAL APPROACH TO DATING HAS GIVEN THOUSANDS OF SINGLE WOMEN EVERYTHING THEY NEED TO ATTRACT ROMANCE, INTIMACY, AND A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL.

Surrendered Single doesn't have to look for Mr. Right—she attracts him. The principles presented in The Surrendered Single are simple: When you try to control who asks you out and when a man will call, or if you try to corner him into a commitment, you drive him away. When you let him woo you instead, you enjoy the pleasure of being pursued. You feel confident and feminine. Dating becomes fun again. Marriage follows. You stop going it alone.

Practical and compassionate, The Surrendered Single is a step-by-step guide that shows you how to:

—ASK MEN TO INVITE YOU OUT SO THAT YOU ALWAYS HAVE A DATE
—AVOID THE REMORSE OF "I WISH I HADN'T SAID..."
—BECOME YOUR BEST SELF AND ATTRACT GOOD MEN

Whether you're recovering from a breakup or a divorce, are on the dating scene, or want your romance to deepen, The Surrendered Single will bring you the relationship you desire with a man you love—and who loves you.

Über diesen Titel

Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Laura Doyle is the bestselling author of The Surrendered Wife and The Surrendered Single. A popular speaker on relationship issues, she teaches workshops based on her books and hosts The Empowered Wife Podcast. She lives in Costa Mesa, California, with her husband.

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The Surrendered Single

A Practical Guide to Attracting and Marrying the Man Who's Right for YouBy Laura Doyle

Fireside

Copyright © 2002 Laura Doyle
All right reserved.
ISBN: 0743217896

Introduction: The Way You Always Wanted Things to Happen

For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.

-- RAINER MARIA RILKE

What is a Surrendered Single? And just what is she surrendering -- and to whom?

A Surrendered Single recognizes that if she wants to attract the man with whom she can develop intimacy, she cannot control relationships. She cannot determine who asks her out, how he'll do it, when he'll call or e-mail, or if he'll commit to her. A Surrendered Single may have unwittingly been trying to control, manipulate, and force relationships previously, but no more.

She doesn't hunt for Mr. Right -- she attracts him.

She's purposely quiet on first dates so she can learn more about him and stay with her own feelings and intuition about what he reveals.

She relinquishes her checklist of qualities she thinks she requires in a man. Then she acknowledges that she can be blissfully happy with an imperfect man and that she will definitely be lonely without one.

Surrendering is about following some basic principles that will help you change your habits and attitudes about dating. It is terrifying, because at times you will feel vulnerable. But the results are grand: Your fears will melt. You will discover amazing, available men. You will feel adored. You'll stop going it alone.

You will find intimacy with a good man.

SURRENDER CONTROL, FIND YOUR FAITH

There's a constant in romance: You can't control when, where, or how you fall in love. You can't even control with whom you fall in love. The chemistry and mystery of love are unpredictable.

Every story of how couples first met includes the element of a pleasant surprise. They didn't expect to meet their mates then or there. Not on a Wednesday. Not at the paint store. Not over nachos or during the seventh-inning stretch at a baseball game.

Marla didn't intend to fall in love with her friend's coworker, but now they're happily married with a baby. Had Jessica known she would meet her future husband at the gym one day, she probably would have put on lipstick before she left the house. Sarah didn't anticipate meeting anybody at all for a while after breaking off an engagement, but mutual friends of the man she would later marry introduced them.

These women did not expect to find their soul mates when or how they did. Whether they knew it or not, however, they did have faith that somewhere in the universe was a man who was right for them. They simply had to be open to the possibility of encountering him.

That's all faith is -- being open to the possibilities.

Maybe you think that's great for other women, but you don't believe that faith -- which may seem maddeningly elusive -- is going to win you a great romance.

Think again.

Having faith means you can let life surprise you. That doesn't mean that we are powerless, only that we embrace the unknown and stop being afraid of uncertainty.

It means liking the idea that the man of your dreams may look and sound nothing like the one you had imagined. Faith means that you keep your door open to dating, no matter how discouraged and frustrated you are, because you believe that ultimately the man who's right for you will walk through it.

For those of us who would like to have control over every aspect of our lives, this is hard to swallow. The unknown is disconcerting. Trekking forward willingly requires faith.

Part of what keeps you single is lack of faith. The other part is fear of the unknown.

WHO'S AFRAID OF DATING?

A person usually has two reasons for doing something: a good reason and the real reason.

-- THOMAS CARLYLE

Every strong single woman I know rolls her eyes when I suggest that lack of faith and fear are what keep her alone. She doesn't think of herself as scared. After all, she's built a career and a terrific circle of friends, stood up to dozens of men, and perhaps even raised a child alone. She is capable and hearty. What's more, she's through with "having faith" because it hasn't done a thing for her (or so she thinks). In fact, the very word is disconcerting to her. Truth is, her faith is as out of shape as her first little black dress and as worn as the fabulous heels she bought to go with it.

This is understandable. When we believe that something will happen but have no control over whether it does, the possibility of disappointment looms. What could be more disappointing than believing he's out there but never finding him? We'd be faced with thinking that there's something wrong with us.

To protect herself, the single woman does a funny little sidestep. She goes into the world with good intentions to find someone who has all the characteristics she wants in a partner. She makes a list of these characteristics by starting with what she knows will meet her parents' approval and what her friends will like. Unfortunately, her list is now both restrictive and irrelevant, since it has nothing to do with her own desires.

Each potential suitor is measured against his ability to fit into her complicated jigsaw puzzle of the perfect guy.

Of course, nobody fits.

She thinks she feels hopeless that there's "no one out there," but really the terror of risking her heart keeps her from acknowledging that any man might be right. Her good intentions cover her fear and keep her from having to muster up a critical ingredient for finding love: courage.

Nobody wants to have her heart broken, so it's sensible to want to protect yourself.

At the same time, repeatedly searching for a partner and never finding one feels awful. Since trying to control potential suitors by comparing them to a checklist guarantees you'll end up empty-handed, surrendering means throwing out that checklist and giving yourself a chance to attract the unexpected.

When we surrender, we relinquish inappropriate control and override the fear underneath so we can have the thing we crave the most -- intimacy.

CONTROL AND INTIMACY ARE OPPOSITES

If you've been dating off and on but never stay in a relationship for long, you may be telling yourself that you've just never met the right man. Chances are, your fear is preventing you from standing still or being quiet long enough to find out if the men you date might be right for you. Perhaps your fear of heartbreak propels you to elicit affection, reassurance, and commitment to assuage your insecurities. Maybe you feel safer being physically intimate than emotionally vulnerable and so you relegate potential relationships to short-lived sexual flings.

This is all about control.

If you haven't gone out on a date in a long time, you might be telling yourself that men just don't approach you, when really you've been trying to control who asks you out. Maybe you've been so focused on a man who shows little interest that you're missing out on other opportunities to date. Avoiding eye contact with men, refusing offers for blind dates, and running off before a guy has a chance to get your phone number are examples of trying to protect yourself with control.

Maybe you're in a committed relationship and wishing your boyfriend would shape up in some way -- be tidier, make more money, enhance the...

Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: Touchstone
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2002
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 0743217896
• ISBN 13: 9780743217897
• Einband: Taschenbuch
• Anzahl der Seiten: 304
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: Nicht verfügbar
• Verantwortliche Person: Nicht verfügbar