Always My Child: A Parent's Guide to Understanding Your Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered, or Questioning Son or Daughter - Softcover

Jennings, Kevin

Softcover

ISBN 10: 0743226496 ISBN 13: 9780743226493

Verlag: Touchstone, 2003

Inhaltsangabe

The first book to focus on the day-to-day experiences of adolescents dealing with sexual identity issues, Always My Child provides the insights and practical strategies parents need to support their kids and cope themselves.

Parents whose children are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or who are going through a "questioning phase" are often in the dark about what their children face every day. As a result, offering support that will comfort and fortify them feels like solving a puzzle with missing pieces.
In Always My Child, Kevin Jennings supplies the missing pieces by guiding parents through the world their child inhabits. He explains what these teens often encounter -- teasing and harassment -- and offers solutions for parents who want to better understand their LGBTQ children and learn how to protect their self-esteem. He offers advice, including how to:

• Initiate constructive communication with their child
  
• Respond effectively to frequently asked questions
  
• Recognize depression and signs of drug abuse and harassment
  
• Successfully advocate for their child's well-being outside the home
  

Always My Child makes it possible for parents to create the kind of relationship with their children that allows them to grow into emotionally healthy adults.

Über diesen Titel

Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Kevin Jennings is cofounder and executive director of the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) and a Harvard graduate.

Auszug. © Genehmigter Nachdruck. Alle Rechte vorbehalten.

Introduction

When I was growing up in rural North Carolina in the 1970s, I honestly thought I would grow up to be President. After all, that was my birthright as an American. I lived in a country where anyone who was determined and worked hard enough could aspire to the highest office in the land. I planned to live out that American dream.

However, from an early age, I realized that something was amiss.

I knew I was gay long before I had heard that word or knew what it meant. I remember at age six or seven being more fascinated by my brother's bodybuilding magazines than by his Playboys, but somehow knowing that this was information I should keep quiet. As I grew up and came to understand what these feelings meant, I recoiled in horror from myself.

Being a boy who loved books and who shied away from grade school machismo -- a boy who didn't always conform to the gender expectations of my small-town world -- cast me out. By middle school, my classmates had labeled me the "school fag."

The relentless taunting was cruel and soul-destroying. I began to hide in the library during any unstructured time in the school day so I wouldn't be beaten up. I'd eat lunch alone in the hallway to avoid cafeteria teasing. I'd spend every Sunday night battling my "Sunday funny feeling" -- a euphemism for the fear-inspired nausea that the prospect of returning to school on Mondays always brought.

When my family moved to another small southern town in 1979, after my sophomore year, I started in a new school and decided to shed my unfortunate past. I pursued what I thought was "normal" with a vengeance. I dated every girl I could literally get my hands on, earning a well-deserved reputation as a big jerk who always tried to see how far he could get on the first date. I was the biggest teller of fag jokes and ridiculed anyone who suggested anything decent about gay people.

What I really hated was myself, and this I could not escape from, regardless of how often I got drunk or stoned, no matter how deeply I retreated into music or magazines, soaking up hours behind the locked door of my bedroom.

I never told my mom that I ate lunch alone everyday. I never revealed that my insides felt chipped away by meanness and alienation. I never let on that I thought I would never fit in anywhere. Only once, did I test the waters. I told her that I was gay and then quickly denied that it was true. That's a common thing LGBT people do. You kind of come out like a turtle, look around to see if it's safe. If it's not, you stick your head back in and scurry away.

The most important thing in my world was making my mother proud; I couldn't -- I wouldn't -- risk letting her down.

So I bore the burden of my secret shame alone, wondering if my loneliness would ever abate.

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO

If your child is LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or questioning -- terms we'll define later) her day-to-day experience probably mirrors what mine was. While it's true for many LGBTQ youth that there's an unprecedented level of acceptance and support, it is also true that these remain extraordinarily difficult times for young LGBTQ people.

And, like me, I bet one of the most important things for your child is pleasing you -- even when you feel like a mere blip on his or her radar.

If you are one of the millions of parents who suspect that your child is LGBTQ, or if she has just come out to you, you're probably experiencing a kaleidoscope of emotions. Chances are you have burning questions: will my child be okay? Is it my fault? Can I still be a good parent when I don't understand this at all? What am I supposed to do?

We'll cover the emotions later in the book, but for now, I want to get to your questions, so that you can relax a little.

With your support, your child will be just fine.

No, it is not your fault. It is no one's fault.

If you know how to be a good parent -- and you do -- you know how to serve your LGBTQ child, because she wants the same things that every child wants: to be loved and accepted for who she is.

There is nothing that you are supposed to do that you haven't done before. This book will teach you how to use what you already know. A lot of it is intuitive.

Trust your intuition.

While there is information in this book that may be new to you, you will be applying the skills and techniques that you've used throughout your life as a parent. These are the same skills that you used when you wanted to convey something important to your child from the time she was a toddler: don't touch the stove, don't get into a car with a stranger. Those skills will be applied to situations concerning your child being LGBTQ.

If your child has recently come out, she may no longer feel sure you still love her as much as you did before. She may doubt that you still think she's great. She doesn't automatically assume you still value her for being a star volleyball player or a triumphant student. She probably questions whether you understand what she's going through or if you have any useful guidance to offer. She may think now that all you can see is her sexuality.

So, you need to tell her clearly and often: "I love you. I think you're great. And we'll work together to overcome any challenges you face -- just like we always have." You know how to do this. You've done it for years. You make the message clear and you repeat it constantly.

It's straightforward. It's simple. And it works.

"Easier said than done," you're thinking?

Fair enough. Many parents of LGBTQ children feel that they don't know them anymore. Many have qualms and disappointments about having an LGBTQ child. Some sense a rift the size of the Grand Canyon. The trick is to not beat yourself up, to not feel defeated before you've given yourself the opportunity to grow closer to your child, which you can do, just like other parents of LGBTQ children already have. (And some of the most unlikely parents.) Always My Child will lend a hand.

Straight parents can't be blamed for not knowing how to proceed when they learn they have an LGBTQ child. You don't know how because you've never been in the position your child is in. In any of the other "minorities" in the United States -- people of color or non-Christians like Jews or Muslims, for example -- youths usually grow up with parents who are like them. When their children meet discrimination or prejudice, they can turn to their parents, who have probably shared their experiences, and receive empathy and advice. A parent can say, "There's nothing wrong with you. Be proud of who you are, just like I am." Understandably, a straight parent cannot offer the same perspective to her LGBTQ child because she'd had a different life experience. But you can learn. Always My Child is designed to help you do so.

Always My Child will also help you move to the next level of developing a strong relationship with your child. The most effective way to do that is to understand the worlds through which she moves in the course of a day, from the classroom to the bagel shop down the street; from your kitchen table to the record store where she works after school.

When you glimpse the contours of your child's sphere, you will begin truly to comprehend what she faces everyday, and giving her the support she needs will come naturally. This book, in turn, will give you guidelines for supporting her in every phase: at home with your family, at school, with her peers, and in the community.

I want to help you in recognizing all of your child's facets so that you see her for more than her sexual identity: you see her as a human being. And, I will show you how to support her so that she never feels alone.

GENDER STRAITJACKETS

To understand what your child is...

Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: Touchstone
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2003
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 0743226496
• ISBN 13: 9780743226493
• Einband: Taschenbuch
• Anzahl der Seiten: 340
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: Nicht verfügbar
• Verantwortliche Person: Simon and Schuster Netherlands BV; info@simonandschuster.nl; ; Herculesplein 96; Utrecht; 3584 AA; Niederlande