"I'm afraid you're at the top end of the healthy weight range," said the doctor. This is doctor's speak for "you are FAT"! "Do you know how much I'd weigh if I was on Pluto?" "No idea," replied the doctor. "Only 2.3 kilograms. Practically nothing!" Meet Sam, science geek extraordinaire, and have an exclusive peek at his top secret logbook. When a meteorite crashes into Sam's school bike shed, his class have a LOT of questions about space, the universe, and life on earth. But can they believe in God AND the Big Bang? They make some cool discoveries that show them that, surprisingly, the answer is a clear yes. A fact-filled and thought-provoking story that will make you chuckle.
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Corien Oranje is a children's author, journalist and theologian who has twice won a Dutch literary prize for Christian children's literature.
Corien Oranje is a children's author, journalist and theologian who hastwice won a Dutch literary prize for Christian children's literature.
TUESDAY MORNING
First I heard a whistling sound, like in a cartoon, when Bugs Bunny drops out of the sky. And then, a bang. Not just thunder or fireworks exploding, no, this was a SUPERMEGAULTR ALOUDBANGBAN GBOOMTHIS-IS-THE-END-OF-THE-WORLD kind of bang!!
Which became even louder because all of a sudden the windows shattered, and broken glass was scattered all over the floor. And because some of the kids started screaming. And because Matteo, who never sits still, fell off his chair onto the floor and accidentally pulled the table down, too.
"A bomb," Luke cried.
"Woohoo!" screamed Tom. "Gunpowder! They're lighting gunpowder."
"Fire!" Florence called. That was pure nonsense of course, because there was no fire whatsoever, just smoke and dust and shards of glass that made a crunchy noise when we walked on them. Loads of people were screaming their heads off, and Anna shouted: "I'm bleeding! Mr Nolan! There's blood on my hand!"
"I've got glass in my hair!"
Matteo had jumped up again. "Look!" he called out. "Look at the bike shed." I ran over to the window to have a look. Wooaaah. The bike and scooter shed had collapsed entirely. "Told you!" said Luke. "It's a bomb. Someone has attacked our school!"
"Or maybe someone crashed into the scooter shed!" Archie suggested. "Perhaps a parachutist, with a parachute that never opened."
"Let me check it out," I said. "In case they need help." I ran to the door. As long as I don't need to give the kiss of life, I thought. That is just so gross. Right then, the fire alarm went off. TINGTINGTINGTING. The noise was ear-splitting.
"Mr Nolan!" Archie called. "Fire drill."
"Duhhh!" replied Christy. "This isn't a drill, this is for real."
"Form a line in pairs," Mr Nolan called. "Stay calm. All of you, stay calm! Where is the register? Where?!"
"It's over there, on the hook on the door, Sir," I said. And off we went. Out of the classroom, through the corridor. The fire alarm just went on and on and on.
We could see the Year One children leaving their classroom and walking down the stairs in pairs, holding hands and singing: "We'll go down together ... all in a row ... We're not in a hurry, we'll be quiet as we go!" The Reception class children were carrying chairs. I guess their brand-new classroom assistant didn't know you should leave everything behind when the fire alarm goes off. Probably keen to save the chairs. The Year Five pupils emerged from their classrooms, and so did the Year Threes and Fours. The corridors were crowded, children pushing and shoving to the left and to the right. Miss Smith from Year Two was standing in the hall, trying to control the flow of children.
"Everyone go to the playground!" she shouted. It was very hard to know which playground she meant, because she squints.
"No! Not the BIG playground! Go to the INFANTS' playground!"
"We're not in a hurry," the Year Ones sang ...
TINGTINGTINGTINGTINGTING. The fire alarm kept going. TINGTINGTINGTING.
"Can someone please switch it off!" Archie cried. "It's driving me insane."
Someone pushed me, so I bashed into Tom.
"Oi!" he reacted angrily. "Watch where you're going, geek!"
"I couldn't help it," I said. "I was pushed." I tripped over a toddler chair in the corridor and fell flat on my face. Tom and Luke laughed loudly and a few of the infants scrambled over my legs.
"SAM BILLINGTON!" Miss Smith bellowed. "GET UP IMMEDIATELY!"
"Come on!" Archie pulled me up and together we made it to the exit. All of the children were outside by now. Luke and Tom were trying to get onto the roof by climbing a drainpipe, a few of the Reception children were fighting over the ride-on toys, and a little boy was standing in the middle of the sandpit throwing handfuls of sand in the air. All the teachers were talking to each other, while trying to use their mobile phones.
TINGTINGTINGTINGTINGTINGTING
"Shall I phone 999?" Archie asked.
"Let's find out what's going on first," I said. I looked at the teachers, but they were far too busy on their phones to keep an eye on us.
"Come on," I said, and we ran behind the school and climbed over the fence that separates the infants' and the juniors' playgrounds.
What we saw there was just incredible. What a mess! The playground was littered with bent pieces of corrugated iron, lumps of rock and shards of glass. And where ten minutes ago the bike shed had been, there was now just a pile of twisted and overturned scooters and bikes. And there was a hole in the ground. An enormous hole, at least a metre deep. A few elderly people were staring at the scene from a safe distance and more spectators were coming towards the school. There were ladies with bags of groceries, a man in a wheelchair, a few tall lads holding sausage rolls and a mum with a trailer bike.
"What's wrong with kids these days!" an elderly man said.
"I bet they were playing with fireworks," the man in the wheelchair chipped in.
"I can't believe they get away with it. And this is meant to be a Christian school."
"Well, there you go."
"They're a bunch of rascals."
"Look at that hole in the ground!"
"Those were no ordinary fireworks."
TINGTINGTINGTINGTINGTINGTING
The fire alarm just didn't stop. It made a shrill noise that went right through you. I ran towards the shed to see more of what was going on. I stepped across some broken bikes and looked at the hole in the ground. I couldn't see any arms or legs, so it hadn't been a parachutist, crashing into the shed. What a relief. At least I didn't have to give anyone the kiss of life. But what on earth had happened? A bomb? Who would drop a bomb onto the bike shed of Trinity Primary School?
"Maybe it was a toilet," Archie said. "A toilet that fell out of a plane. I read in the paper once that a Boeing lost its toilet. If a toilet falls down from 10,000 metres high, it will make a massive hole in the ground."
"That wasn't a loo, man," I said. "That was poo. Frozen poo that fell out of the plane."
We carefully peered into the hole. No toilet. And nothing that resembled poo. All I saw was soil and stones. But perhaps frozen poo looks like stone? We heard loud sirens coming our way, closer and closer, until the noise was deafening. It was so overwhelming that you couldn't hear the TINGTINGTING of the fire alarm anymore. A large, red fire engine pulled up and turned around on the playground, followed by two police cars. They switched off the sirens and five firemen came running down the playground, two policemen marking the area with red and white tape.
"Move back, move back!" they called out. "Everyone move out of the way, please."
A few ordinary cars drove onto the playground and men in white outfits jumped out. I felt like we were in a movie.
"This is epic," I said to Archie.
"More epic than geography," Archie said.
There was Christy. "Sam! Everybody's looking for you!"
"We're just checking out what's going on," I said. "Sir, Sir! We found them!"
"There you are," Mr Nolan said. He came running up, flustered and out of breath. "I was getting worried about you boys." Whoops. Yes. We suddenly remembered that we were supposed to stay together as a group if the fire alarm went off, until we were allowed back in the...
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