When Sorry Isn't Enough: Making Things Right with Those You Love - Softcover

Gary Chapman; Jennifer Thomas

 
9780802407047: When Sorry Isn't Enough: Making Things Right with Those You Love
Softcover
ISBN 10: 0802407048 ISBN 13: 9780802407047
Verlag: NORTHFIELD PR, 2013

Inhaltsangabe

"I said I was sorry!"

Even in the best of relationships, all of us make mistakes. We do and say things we later regret and hurt the people we love most. So we need to make things right. But simply saying you're sorry is usually not enough.

In this book, #1 New York Times bestselling author Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas unveil new ways to effectively approach and mend fractured relationships. Even better, you'll discover how meaningful apologies provide the power to make your friendships, family, and marriage stronger than ever before.

When Sorry Isn't Enough will help you . . .

  • Cool down heated arguments
  • Offer apologies that are fully accepted
  • Rekindle love that has been dimmed by pain
  • Restore and strengthen valuable relationships
  • Trade in tired excuses for honesty, trust, and joy

*This book was previously published as The Five Languages of Apology. Content has been significantly revised and updated.

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Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

<div><b>GARY CHAPMAN</b>--author, speaker, counselor--has a passion for people and for helping them form lasting relationships. He is the #1 bestselling author of <i>The 5 Love Languages</i> series and director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants, Inc. Gary travels the world presenting seminars, and his radio programs air on more than 400 stations. For more information visit his website at <a href="http://www.5lovelanguages.com" target="_blank">www.5lovelanguages.com</a>.<br><br><b>JENNIFER M. THOMAS, Ph.D.</b>, is a motivational speaker specializing in the five love languages and communication. She is a business consultant and psychologist. She recently gave a TEDx talk on the two essentials for healthy relationships. Hint: They involve a love tank and forgiveness. She is co-author (with Gary Chapman) of <i>When Sorry Isn't Enough</i> and <i>The Five Languages of Apology</i>. Her books have been translated into fifteen foreign languages and sold hundres of thousands of copies around the world. Jennifer has a doctoral degree in Clinical Psychology from the University of Maryland, as well as a BA in Psychology and Religion from the University of Virginia. Visit her website at <a href="http://www.drjenthomas.com" target="_blank">www.drjenthomas.com</a> to take a free apology profile and register for her enewsletter.</div>

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<div><p><b>&#8220;I <i>said</i> I was sorry!&#8221;</b></p><p>Even in the best of relationships, all of us make mistakes. We do and say things we later regret and hurt the people we love most. So we need to make things right. But simply saying you&#8217;re sorry is usually not enough.</p><p>In this book, #1 <i>New York Times </i>bestselling author Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas unveil new ways to effectively approach and mend fractured relationships. Even better, you&#8217;ll discover how meaningful apologies provide the power to make your friendships, family, and marriage stronger than ever before.</p><p><i>When Sorry Isn&#8217;t Enough</i> will help you . . . </p><p>·&#160;&#160;&#160;&#160;&#160;&#160;&#160;&#160; Cool down heated arguments</p><p>·&#160;&#160;&#160;&#160;&#160;&#160;&#160;&#160; Offer apologies that are fully accepted</p><p>·&#160;&#160;&#160;&#160;&#160;&#160;&#160;&#160; Rekindle love that has been dimmed by pain</p><p>·&#160;&#160;&#160;&#160;&#160;&#160;&#160;&#160; Restore and strengthen valuable relationships</p><p>·&#160;&#160;&#160;&#160;&#160;&#160;&#160;&#160; Trade in tired excuses for honesty, trust, and joy</p><p>This book was previously published as <i>The Five Languages of Apology</i>. Content has been significantly revised and updated.</p></div>

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When Sorry Isn't Enough

MAKING THINGS RIGHT WITH THOSE YOU LOVE

By GARY CHAPMAN, Jennifer Thomas, Elizabeth Cody Newenhuyse

Northfield Publishing

Copyright © 2013 Gary Chapman Jennifer Thomas
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-8024-0704-7

Contents

Introduction: Why This Is Important........................................9
1. Righting Wrongs.........................................................13
2. "I'm Sorry": Expressing Regret..........................................21
3. "I Was Wrong": Accepting Responsibility.................................33
4. "How Can I Make It Right?": Making Restitution..........................45
5. "I Want to Change": Genuinely Repenting.................................59
6. "Can You Find It in Your Heart ...": Requesting Forgiveness.............73
7. How Do You Say You're Sorry?............................................83
8. What If You Don't Want to Apologize?....................................93
9. Learning to Forgive.....................................................109
10. Healing Your Family Relationships......................................125
11. Choosing to Forgive Yourself...........................................139
12. Truly Sorry, Truly Forgiven............................................149
Notes......................................................................155
Acknowledgments............................................................159
Things Not to Say When Apologizing.........................................161
Things to Say When Apologizing.............................................162
The Apology Language Profile...............................................165

Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

Righting Wrongs


In a perfect world, there would be no need for apologies. But because the worldis imperfect, we cannot survive without them. My academic background is thefield of anthropology, the study of human culture. One of the clear conclusionsof the anthropologist is that all people have a sense of morality: Some thingsare right, and some things are wrong. People are incurably moral. In psychology,it is often called the conscience. In theology, it may be referred to asthe "sense of ought" or the imprint of the divine.

It is true that the standard by which the conscience condemns or affirmsis influenced by the culture. For example, in Eskimo (or Inuit) culture,if one is on a trek and runs out of food, it is perfectly permissibleto enter the igloo of a stranger and eat whatever is available. In mostother Western cultures, to enter an unoccupied house would be considered"breaking and entering," an offense punishable as a crime. Although the standardof right will differ from culture to culture and sometimes within cultures, allpeople have a sense of right and wrong.

When one's sense of right is violated, that person will experience anger.He or she will feel wronged and resentful at the person who has violated theirtrust. The wrongful act stands as a barrier between the two people, and therelationship is fractured. They cannot, even if they desired, live as though thewrong had not been committed. Jack, whose brother swindled him years ago, says,"Things have never been the same between us." Whatever the offense, somethinginside the offended calls for justice. It is these human realities that serve asthe basis of all judicial systems.


A CRY FOR RECONCILIATION

While justice may bring some sense of satisfaction to the offendedperson, justice does not typically restore relationships. If an employee who isfound stealing from the company is caught, tried, and fined or imprisoned,everyone says, "Justice has been served." But the company is not likely torestore the employee to the original place of leadership. On the other hand, ifan employee steals from the company but quickly takes responsibility for theerror, reports that misdeed to the supervisor, expresses sincere regret, offersto pay for all inequities, and pleads for mercy, there is the possibility thatthe employee will be allowed to continue with the company.

Humankind has an amazing capacity to forgive. I remember a number of years agovisiting the town of Coventry, England. I stood in the shell of a cathedral thathad been bombed by the Nazis in the Second World War. I listened as theguide told the story of the new cathedral that rose beside the ruins. Someyears after the war, a group of Germans had come and helped build the newcathedral as an act of contrition for the damages their fellow countrymenhad inflicted. Everyone had agreed to allow the ruins to remain in theshadow of the new cathedral. Both structures were symbolic: the one of man'sinhumanity to man, the other of the power of forgiveness and reconciliation.

Something within us cries out for reconciliation when wrongdoinghas fractured a relationship. The desire for reconciliation is often more potentthan the desire for justice. The more intimate the relationship, the deeper thedesire for reconciliation. When a husband treats his wife unfairly, in her hurtand anger she is pulled between a longing for justice and a desire for mercy. Onthe one hand, she wants him to pay for his wrongdoing; on the other hand, shewishes for reconciliation. It is his sincere apology that makes genuinereconciliation possible. If there is no apology, then her sense of moralitypushes her to demand justice. Many times through the years, I have observeddivorce proceedings and watched the judge seek to determine what was just. Ihave often wondered if sincere apologies would have changed the sad outcome.

I have looked into the eyes of teenage rage and wondered how different lifewould be if an abusive father had apologized. Without apologies, anger buildsand pushes us to demand justice. When, as we see it, justice is not forthcoming,we often take matters into our own hands and seek revenge on those who havewronged us. Anger escalates and can end in violence. The man who walks into theoffice of his former employer and shoots his supervisor and three of hiscoworkers burns with a sense of injustice—to the point where onlymurderous revenge will right the wrong. Things might have been different had hehad the courage to lovingly confront—and others had the courage to say, "Iwas wrong."


CAN YOU FORGIVE WITHOUT AN APOLOGY?

Genuine forgiveness and reconciliation are two-person transactions that areenabled by apologies. Some, particularly within the Christian worldview, havetaught forgiveness without an apology. They often quote the words of Jesus, "Ifyou do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive yourtrespasses." Thus, they say to the wife whose husband has been unfaithful andcontinues in his adulterous affair, "You must forgive him, or God will notforgive you." Such an interpretation of Jesus' teachings fails to reckon withthe rest of the scriptural teachings on forgiveness. The Christian is instructedto forgive others in the same manner that God forgives us. How does Godforgive us? The Scriptures say that if we confess our sins, God will forgiveour sins. Nothing in the Old or New Testaments indicates that God...

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Verlag
NORTHFIELD PR
Erscheinungsdatum
2013
Sprache
Englisch
ISBN 10 
0802407048
ISBN 13 
9780802407047
Einband
Taschenbuch
Anzahl der Seiten
176
Kontakt zum Hersteller
Nicht verfügbar
Verantwortliche Person
Nicht verfügbar

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