I remember one of the first times our younger daughter Amber vented her anger at me for something I did. In reality, it was something I didn't do that made her mad. She had asked me to help her with a paper she was writing for a middle school class. The paper required a lot of research, and Amber didn't know how to go about doing the research. "There's nothing to it," I assured her flippantly. Then instead of showing her what she needed to do, I simply told her to get started, explaining that she would figure out how to do the research as she went along. She let out an exasperated sigh. "But Dad, I don't know how to--" "Amber, just get started," I insisted with authority, "and you'll figure it out." Then I left the room. (from the introduction) When the author understood his mistake, he was able to go and talk with his daughter. As she vented, he began to understand what a capacity parents have to make their kids angry, and how he could change his approach to communicating with his children to improve their relationship. In the years since Roger Cross has been studying the things parents do that make kids angry, such as:
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