Key to Your Child's Heart: Raise Motivated, Obedient, and Loving Children - Softcover

Smalley, Gary

Softcover

ISBN 10: 0849943949 ISBN 13: 9780849943942

Verlag: Thomas Nelson, 2003

Inhaltsangabe

A repeat bestseller for two decades, this child-rearing classic cuts to the heart of the anger and alienation that mar so many modern homes. In this ultimately practical book, Gary Smalley outlines effective steps for parents to open up a child that has shut them out. He describes family-tested ways for parents to set limits and enforce them, and he reveals the simple but powerful secret for achieving a close-knit family. Learn proven parenting methods that can spell the difference between an angry, rebellious, distant child and a happy, cooperative one.

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Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Gary Smalley was one of the country’s best-known authors and speakers on family relationships. In addition to writing The Blessing and The Two Sides of Love with John Trent, their book The Language of Love (newly revised and updated) won the Angel Award as the best contribution to family life. His national infomercial, Hidden Keys to Loving Relationships, has been viewed by television audiences all over the world.

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The Key to Your Child's Heart

By Gary Smalley

Thomas Nelson

Copyright © 1992 Gary Smalley
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-8499-4394-2

Contents

Acknowledgments..................................................................................................................................ixThe Key to Your Child's Heart....................................................................................................................xi1. How to Overcome the Major Destroyer of Families...............................................................................................1A Closed SpiritManifestations of a Closed SpiritReopening a Child's SpiritFive Steps to Reopen a Child's SpiritReasons Why One Might Refuse to ForgiveObserving Voice Tone and FacialExpressions to Recognize a Closed SpiritHow Children or Adults Can Reopen Their Own SpiritsHow Open Is Your Child's Spirit?Eighty-four Ways We Can Offend Our Children2. Parenting for Positive Results................................................................................................................31Four Basic Types of Parenting: The Dominant Parent, The Neglectful Parent, The Permissive Parent, The Loving and Firm ParentThe Two Most Important Factors in Raising Children3. Expressing Loving Support-The Most Important Aspect of Raising Children.......................................................................47Unconditional CommitmentScheduled TimesAvailability to ChildrenTender TreatmentFrequent Eye ContactListening in an Understanding WayMeaningful Touching4. Balancing Loving Support through Contracts....................................................................................................65Setting Limits through ContractsEnforcing the Contract-Our ExperimentsA Practical Way to Implement Family ContractsDon't Expect, InspectContract for DatingContract for DrivingGuidelines for Spanking5. Giving Yourself the Freedom to Fail...........................................................................................................95Discipline in the HomeCommunicating Emotionally with ChildrenBuilding Friendships in the FamilyThe Value of Being Together without Spending Much MoneyWhat They Didn't LikeThe Long-Term Effect of WordsGaining a New PerspectiveThe Principle of Empowerment6. Three Powerful Ways to Motivate Children......................................................................................................129Use a Child's Natural BentUse the Salt PrincipleUse EmotionalWord Pictures7. Nineteen Additional Ways to Motivate Children.................................................................................................151Help Children Choose Their Own GoalsExpect Children to Do Things RightExpose Your Children to People You Admire8. The Secret of a Close-Knit Family.............................................................................................................175Six Characteristics of a Close-Knit FamilySharing Life Experiences TogetherDealing with Difficulties in a Positive MannerThree Practical Ways to Share Life TogetherResources........................................................................................................................................191

Chapter One

How to Overcome the Major Destroyer of Families

A Closed Spirit

Manifestations of a Closed Spirit

Reopening a Child's Spirit

Five Steps to Reopen a Child's Spirit

Reasons Why One Might Refuse to Forgive

Observing Voice Tone and Facial Expressions to Recognize a Closed Spirit

How Children or Adults Can Reopen Their Own Spirits

How Open Is Your Child's Spirit?

Eighty-four Ways We Can Offend Our Children

One evening while I was in my bedroom on a long-distance phone call, my son Greg, five years old at the time, let out a bloodcurdling scream from the master bathroom. He came running to the door, screaming so loudly that I couldn't hear the other person's voice. I could feel my blood pressure rise as I signaled for him to be quiet. I dramatically patted my bottom to let him know what was coming if he didn't shut up immediately. But Greg continued to scream, so I quickly ended my phone conversation, telling the person I'd get back to him later.

When I hung up the phone, I grabbed Greg by the arm and shook him. "Why are you screaming?" I demanded. "Couldn't you see I was on the phone?"

Without waiting for an answer, I shoved him into the hall and said, "You get into your bedroom right now." He fell when I pushed him, but got back up, still crying, and hurried into his room. I grabbed the paddle we used for spanking-the entire family had helped decorate it-and told him to lie down on his bed. Then I gave him several hard swats. Satisfied with my discipline, I stood back and thought, That's what you get for violating my rule. You see, no one was supposed to scream while I was on the phone-I wouldn't want people to think my family was out of control.

It was our custom after a spanking to hold the child and reaffirm our love for him. But this time, something took place that scared me. Greg was still crying. He stood up and the look in his eyes said, "I hate you." He backed away from me to let me know that he didn't want me to touch him. I suddenly realized what I had done, and I knew that if I didn't take immediate action, there might be serious consequences in our relationship. Fortunately, someone had taught me what to do, and within a few moments, we were hugging each other on his bed, back in full fellowship and harmony.

What actually took place has saved our family time and time again from drifting into deep conflict. The principle I am about to share has, without a doubt, been the single most significant factor in establishing and maintaining harmony in our home.

In the United States, we are suffering from an overwhelming epidemic of broken relationships. We don't have to look hard to see the evidence. We see it to some degree in every relationship, both inside and outside of the home. I hope that I can explain in these next few pages what I know can have a very positive effect on all relationships, especially with our children.

I have taken what I've observed during my more than twenty years of counseling, with my own family, and what I've learned from experts in the field of building personal relationships. I've tried to develop a simple system of explaining the major factor that causes disharmony within the home, as well as outside of it. I would urge you again to reread this one chapter many times because I have found it to be the key to staying in harmony with anyone.

A Closed Spirit

The single most prevalent cause of disharmony within a home is what I have labeled a closed spirit.

What do I mean by a closed spirit? What causes it? Let's begin by saying that every person is born with a spirit, soul, and body, and all three are interrelated. I will define spirit as a person's innermost being, similar to one's conscience. It's the area in which people can have fellowship with one another and enjoy each other's presence without a word being spoken. Our deepest relationships are built on the spirit level. The soul would include our mind, will, and emotions. The body is, of course, our physical makeup. Together, we'll say the three comprise a total person. But the soul and the body are within the spirit.

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Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: Thomas Nelson
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2003
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 0849943949
• ISBN 13: 9780849943942
• Einband: Taschenbuch
• Anzahl der Seiten: 208
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: Nicht verfügbar
• Verantwortliche Person: gpsr@libri.de; gpsr@libri.de; ; Friedensallee 273; Hamburg; 22763; Deutschland