Cracking the Boy Code: How to Understand and Talk with Boys - Softcover

Cox, Adam J.

Softcover

ISBN 10: 0865718768 ISBN 13: 9780865718760

Verlag: New Society Publishers, 2018

Inhaltsangabe

A clinical psychologist specializing in children and adolescents shares the secret language of boys and how to reconnect with them.

All too quickly, talkative, affectionate young boys seem to slip away. Adolescents may be transformed overnight into reclusive, seemingly impenetrable young people who open up only to their friends and spend more time on devices than with family. How do you penetrate this shell before they are lost to you?

Drawing on decades of experience garnered through thousands of hours of therapy with boys, Cracking the Boy Code explains how the key to communicating with boys is understanding their universal psychological needs and using specific, straightforward communication techniques. Coverage includes:

• Why it’s important to understand the psychological needs of boys
• How to talk to be heard, and listen to understand
• The crucial role of non-verbal cues
• Learning the universal tone that helps boys listen
• Motivating boys to become their authentic selves
• Using purposeful work to teach boys self-respect and confidence
• Reducing stress and creating greater closeness between boys and caregivers

Cracking the Boy Code is essential reading for parents, caregivers, teachers, youth workers, coaches, and others who want to make a real connection with the boys in their lives.

Praise for Cracking the Boy Code

“Cox unpacks in simple language the intricacies of communicating with boys . . . . The book is an educational revelation resulting from remarkable face to face research, and provides an exceptional tool to help parents and teachers understand what makes boys tick.” ―David Anderson B.A, Dip TG, B.Ed, Cert. of Care, Sydney Australia IBSC Jarvis/Hawley Award Baltimore USA 2017

“A thoughtful, accessible guide to developing meaningful communication with the boys in our lives. Adam Cox’s insights, grounded in practical wisdom cultivated over decades of clinical work with boys, provide readers with compelling possibilities for using non-verbal cues, tone of voice, hands-on activity, and empathetic listening to connect with boys in a manner both deep and enduring . . . . Dr. Cox’s latest work is both inspiring and instructive.” ―Dr. John M. Botti, Head of School, The Browning School

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Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Adam J. Cox, Ph.D is a clinical psychologist whose work includes thousands of hours interviewing children. A sought-after therapist and frequent speaker on the psychology of boys, he is author of the acclaimed books On Purpose Before Twenty, Boys of Few Words and No Mind Left Behind. Cox lives in Rhode Island and shares his wisdom in his newsletter Family Matters at DrAdamCox.com.

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Learn the secret language of boys and how to reconnect

Dr. Cox's latest work is both inspiring and instructive.
- Dr. John M. Botti, Head of School, The Browning School, New York

Provides an exceptional tool to understand what makes boys tick. Original and exceptional research to help parents and teachers.
- David Anderson, IBSC Jarvis-Hawley Award winner 2017

Will become a go-to resource for parents, caregivers, teachers, and professionals.
- Mary Gauthier, Executive Director, Greenwood Centre for Teaching and Learning, Greenwood College School, Toronto

ALL TOO QUICKLY, talkative, affectionate young boys seem to slip away.

Adolescents may be transformed overnight into reclusive, seemingly impenetrable young people who open up only to their friends and spend more time on devices than with family. How do you penetrate this shell before they are lost to you?

Drawing on decades of experience garnered through thousands of hours of therapy with boys, Cracking the Boy Code explains how the key to communicating with boys is understanding their universal psychological needs and using specific, straightforward communication techniques. Coverage includes:

• How to talk to be heard, and listen to understand
• The crucial role of non-verbal cues
• Learning the universal tone that helps boys listen
• Motivating boys to become their authentic selves
• Using purposeful work to teach boys self-respect and confidence.

Essential reading for parents, caregivers, teachers, youth workers, coaches, and others who want to make a real connection with the boys in their lives.

ADAM J. COX Ph.D, is a clinical psychologist whose work encompasses two decades of psychotherapy with children and adolescents, and hundreds of consultations with schools. A sought-after therapist and frequent speaker on the psychology of boys, he is author of the acclaimed books On Purpose Before Twenty, Boys of Few Words, and No Mind Left Behind. Cox lives in Rhode Island and shares his wisdom at DrAdamCox.com.

Aus dem Klappentext

Learn the secret language of boys and how to reconnect

Dr. Cox's latest work is both inspiring and instructive. - Dr. John M. Botti, Head of School, The Browning School, New York

Provides an exceptional tool to understand what makes boys tick. Original and exceptional research to help parents and teachers. - David Anderson, IBSC Jarvis-Hawley Award winner 2017

Will become a go-to resource for parents, caregivers, teachers, and professionals. - Mary Gauthier, Executive Director, Greenwood Centre for Teaching and Learning, Greenwood College School, Toronto

ALL TOO QUICKLY, talkative, affectionate young boys seem to slip away.

Adolescents may be transformed overnight into reclusive, seemingly impenetrable young people who open up only to their friends and spend more time on devices than with family. How do you penetrate this shell before they are lost to you?

Drawing on decades of experience garnered through thousands of hours of therapy with boys, Cracking the Boy Code explains how the key to communicating with boys is understanding their universal psychological needs and using specific, straightforward communication techniques. Coverage includes:

• How to talk to be heard, and listen to understand
• The crucial role of non-verbal cues
• Learning the universal tone that helps boys listen
• Motivating boys to become their authentic selves
• Using purposeful work to teach boys self-respect and confidence.

Essential reading for parents, caregivers, teachers, youth workers, coaches, and others who want to make a real connection with the boys in their lives.

ADAM J. COX Ph.D, is a clinical psychologist whose work encompasses two decades of psychotherapy with children and adolescents, and hundreds of consultations with schools. A sought-after therapist and frequent speaker on the psychology of boys, he is author of the acclaimed books On Purpose Before Twenty, Boys of Few Words, and No Mind Left Behind. Cox lives in Rhode Island and shares his wisdom at DrAdamCox.com.

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Part I: Strategies and Techniques for Talking
Chapter One

What is Good Communication?

We need to begin with a basic premise: good communication is effective communication. Communicating well means getting through to another person, having them hear you and appreciate the point or value of what you are saying. Communication can be instrumental, as when we ask a basic question "What do you want for dinner?" This sort of communication is heard fairly well by boys, and it's also their favorite type to use: "Pass the milk. Can I have 20 bucks? You gonna eat all them fries?" Generally, it's not hard for boys to communicate basic questions or statements. It's the other type of conversation - social communication - which poses a challenge for boys. This is a serious issue because most important communication is inherently social. We communicate because we want to connect with another person. For example, what do most of us do if we want to get to know another person better? What would you do if you wanted to build more trust into a relationship? What would you do if you wanted someone to better understand your thinking or emotions? Of course, you would talk to them! Communicating is what our instincts tell us to do when we want to be closer to someone, when we want a stronger relationship.

Just because adults want a stronger relationship, however, doesn't mean boys want the same. Mostly they are a little scared of getting too close to adults and would rather remain somewhat undercover. When they do communicate with adults, they typically do so with a specific purpose, and that approach goes right along with the "bottom line" psychology of boys. Often, teenage boys think to themselves, "I'll communicate when I want something." You've probably noticed that boys can be more relaxed when they talk with friends, but their behaviors are totally different when talking with adults.

Should we fight this tendency in boys, or get comfortable working with it? Definitely, the latter. Overcoming the distance between any two people begins with mutual acceptance. The longer we spend trying to bend people to our will, insisting that they think and act differently, the longer we will be frustrated. Even the youngest of boys is capable of a fiercely strong will, and it doesn't take much for a boy to win a communication war. He just stops talking!

I'm an optimist, and I'm going to assume you are flexible and willing to experiment with a different approach. First, let's agree that there is a degree of planning required to effectively communicate with boys. Let's also assume that the measure of whether our approach is working is how the boys respond. Sometimes that means giving us a signal that we've been heard, like raising their eyes to meet ours. Sometimes it amounts to more, like changing a behavior, or taking the initiative to do something without having to be reminded multiple times. (If you've ever met a boy under age 18, you are no doubt familiar with this challenge.) When we do get a response, it tells us we are building a bridge between our minds and theirs. Think of how a bridge can be used by people to advance or retreat. The key point of communicating with boys is to give them a bridge, a way to connect with us when they need to. Sure, at times they may choose to withdraw, but a well-built bridge will invite boys across time and again. To build this bridge, we must know something about the minds of boys, and that is largely the focus of Part I of this book. We will especially need to understand how listening style, apprehension, social awkwardness, and sometimes adolescent self-absorption, can be roadblocks to that bridge. It has become popular to refer to these problems as pathologies (diagnosable conditions), but the problem with that perspective is that it makes all of boyhood a "disease." I believe this is a serious problem - for us more than them.

Our number one priority is to get through to boys so that our support an

Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: New Society Publishers
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2018
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 0865718768
• ISBN 13: 9780865718760
• Einband: Taschenbuch
• Anzahl der Seiten: 160
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: Nicht verfügbar
• Verantwortliche Person: preigu; mail@preigu.de; ; Lengericher Landstr. 19; Osnabrück; 49078; Deutschland