Where do I begin? Even today, as I look back over my life, I cannot pinpoint an exact day when I got trapped in the box, or the day I realized I was trapped, nor what box was it—number one, five, seven—I hadn’t started counting. Somehow, I found myself going from box to box—whether I stepped in, jumped in, stumbled in or was shoved in, I was there—in darkness, feeling alone, sad, angry and guilty. I was unsure of what I could have done differently, what I should have said, done, revealed, or exposed. I found myself trapped in the deepest and darkness box of unforgiveness and hatred. The shame of not letting go and drove me deeper and deeper into the depths of depression, anxiety and isolation.
In "Out of the Box", I share my story of how I uncovered that my life was a series of boxes, how I learned to recognize them and the steps I used to break free from those boxes. There were moments when I knew I was no longer myself, but a robot, some fabrication of what I used to be, or at least what I knew in my heart I truly was. I acted on the commands I heard from outside of myself, most times unaware of where those sounds originated and why I heard them, and why they were so faint and difficult to really comprehend. I think the boxes gradually surrounded me, little by little, and before I knew it I was crying before the Lord, “Please help me; I can’t stand it anymore, I want out!” I loved, I hated, I regretted, I learned, I grew. The tools I had packed away, were brought back to life--this time in full force!
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