Better than a Stick in the Eye: A Method for Resolving Conflicts and Bringing about Changes in Marriages, Families, and the Workplace - Softcover

Graham Jr., Ziba

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1438986882 ISBN 13: 9781438986883

Verlag: AuthorHouse, 2009

Inhaltsangabe

Many of the people I counseled would ask what they could do if they got stuck, again. They wanted to know if there was something they could do on their own instead of coming back to counseling. They asked me to give them some background on how I was able to help them resolve their conflicts and provide them with a step-by-step guide to repair their relationships again. This book is the response to that request. The book is based on the ZG method which I used in counseling for over ten years. This isn't a book of helpful hints from some expert; rather it promotes change by asking future-oriented questions so the participants can find their own solutions. Following this method is as simple as following the script with over thirty sample questions to choose from. Directions are given on what to say and what not to say. Other parts of the book stress how to stay positive and utilize a person's strengths through the whole process. The theory behind the ZG method is discussed and the actual mechanics of the method are explained in great detail. The book talks about positive change and how to bring it about, using many examples. It explains in great detail, using a step-by-step format, how to use the ZG method at home and in the workplace to resolve conflicts. Another advantage of using this method is that it doesn't go to the past and revisit past hurts, so it isn't a painful experience. Whether you need to work on your own relationships or you would like to help someone else with relationship conflicts, this book is very helpful.

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Better than a Stick in the Eye

A Method for Resolving Conflicts and Bringing about Changes in Marriages, Families, and the WorkplaceBy Ziba Graham, Jr.

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2009 Ziba Graham, Jr.
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4389-8688-3

Contents

Acknowledgments.........................................................................................viiPreface.................................................................................................ixChapter 1: My Story.....................................................................................1Chapter 2: An Interactive Together-Help Book............................................................9Chapter 3: The ZG Method................................................................................12Chapter 4: Understanding the ZG Method..................................................................14A New Way of Thinking...................................................................................14Find the Solution.......................................................................................26Go to the Future and Envision...........................................................................30Ask the Right Questions.................................................................................33The Solution Is in People...............................................................................38Chapter 5: Laying the Groundwork for Success............................................................40Be Willing to Change Yourself...........................................................................40Be Aware that People Don't Usually Resist Change........................................................42Be Ready to Accept the Changes in Others................................................................44Be Principled in Your Change Process....................................................................47Chapter 6: Sample Questions.............................................................................48Scaling Questions.......................................................................................49Miracle Questions.......................................................................................56Other Questions.........................................................................................61Summary.................................................................................................70Chapter 7: How to Use the ZG Method at Home to Resolve Conflicts........................................72Chapter 8: How to Use the ZG Method at Work to Resolve Conflicts........................................87Chapter 9: Maintaining the Change.......................................................................107Persist in the Change...................................................................................107Stay Positive, Focus on the Future, and Emphasize Strengths.............................................110Visualize the Person as Having Already Changed..........................................................112Chapter 10: Tough Cases.................................................................................116Chapter 11: Conclusion..................................................................................119Appendix I: Scaling Questions...........................................................................122Appendix II: Scaling Questions Answer Sheet For Bob and Sue.............................................123Appendix III: Sample Questions for Use at Home..........................................................128Appendix IV: Typical Marriage Session with Bob and Sue Using the ZG Method..............................131Appendix V: Questions for Use at Work...................................................................154Appendix VI: Typical Workplace Questionnaire and Summary Report Using the ZG Method.....................156Appendix VII: Questions for Workplace Teams.............................................................162

Chapter One

My Story

My story starts with a big change-a career change that I had been thinking about for quite some time. My work life had consisted of three years in the navy, mostly at sea; a master of business administration degree; and twenty-five years' experience running a family agricultural business in southwestern Indiana. At age fifty, I decided to leave the family business, go back to school, and get a master's degree in social work (MSW). It just seemed that everything came together so I had the time to pursue this change. Our three children were just finishing college, my wife Cathy was a junior college professor, and a succession plan was in place at the family business.

When I was in college and graduate school, I had focused on business classes and had no time for electives outside of the business school. Even though I always had an interest in taking some sociology and psychology courses, I never could because of my full schedule. Thus I was looking forward to trying a new field. I enrolled in a special program where I could take classes two full days per week, including nights. At the end of a year and a half, I received my MSW. After graduating, I worked for a social services agency for three years and then on my own as an independent counselor for seven years.

When I was planning my career change, I always thought I wanted to do mostly counseling, but after my first few counseling sessions, I became very disillusioned. I started out counseling the way I was taught. Basically it goes like this: The client comes in; the counselor says, "Tell me what is happening in your life"; the client talks for fifty minutes, sometimes nonstop; and then the counselor schedules another appointment. Over the course of many appointments, the counselor tries to listen, makes appropriate suggestions, and asks questions to help the client change. The clients keep coming back because somehow they think they feel better for having told their story to an impartial listener.

The first thing I discovered was that just telling their story didn't help clients to resolve their conflicts or change their lives. In fact, it seemed that telling about their broken relationships and all the other bad things in their lives created a barrier to their changing. It was almost as if they were giving themselves permission to be dysfunctional because of their terrible life history. For me, as a counselor who believed in positive change, this was a very sad experience.

Often, I would have clients, who were very successful professionals, come in for counseling because their marriage or other family relationships weren't working. They would come in with a hopeful, self-assured manner, but they would go out after fifty minutes looking sad and defeated because of the stress of reliving the tragic events in their lives. This scenario would play out over and over. After a few months of listening to all these tales of woe and seeing very little change, I began thinking I had made a big mistake in becoming a mental health counselor. The work was taking a heavy mental toll on me personally. Listening to people spill out all the bad stuff that ever happened to them, for hour after hour five days a week, was getting me down. It was endless, and my clients didn't change to make their relationships better, but they seemed to be getting worse. Just having a professional counselor listen to their stories seemed to reinforce their attitude of unwilling victim.

Not only was this a downer for me as...

Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: AuthorHouse
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2009
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 1438986882
• ISBN 13: 9781438986883
• Einband: Taschenbuch
• Anzahl der Seiten: 176
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: Nicht verfügbar
• Verantwortliche Person: GPSR Kontakt; gpsr@libri.de; ; Europaallee 1; Bad Hersfeld; 36244; Deutschland