Love at First Click: The Ultimate Guide to Online Dating - Softcover

Davis, Laurie

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1451687036 ISBN 13: 9781451687033

Verlag: Atria Books, 2013

Inhaltsangabe

One in five relationships starts on an online dating site, yet little advice exists for navigating the complex intersection of flirting and technology. Here Laurie Davis, online dating coach and founder of eFlirt Expert, provides the ultimate guide to finding love online.

One in five relationships starts on an online dating site, but little straightforward guidance exists for users. Enter digital dating whisperer Laurie Davis . . .

In a world where we communicate as much via texts as we do through body language, this book empowers readers to log on and double click for love, taking them through the journey all online daters face—from choosing the right site, creating a profile, and navigating dates, to logging off with their perfect match.

Love @ First Click is every online dater’s guide to exploring the web with no-fail techniques. For example, uploading the right photos can attract someone who might otherwise pass you over. Setting a time limit on the first meet-up can leave your date excited to see you again. And the phrasing in your date’s thank-you text after dinner can uncover how your click mate really feels about you.

Whether you’re a digital dating vet or virgin, this is the ultimate guide to online dating that will take your online crush to offline love.

Über diesen Titel

Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Laurie Davis is the founder of eFlirt Expert, an online dating consultancy. Fusing her personal dating successes with her Fortune 500 marketing experience, she now helps singles navigate the intersection of dating and technology. Since launching her firm, Laurie has worked with hundreds of clients one-on-one. She lives in New York City and Boston.

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Love © First Click
CHAPTER 4 ——————————

Email Education

FLIRTING THROUGH INBOXES

Winking is dead. No, not the real-life eye fluttering, but the button you’ll find next to someone’s profile that allows you to show interest in a match. Some sites call it Smiling or Flirting, but regardless it serves the same purpose: to let you gauge interest in someone before investing hours poring over every period of a single clever email sent to their inbox.

Years ago, when dating sites first entered the scene, Winking was all the rage. But it has become an increasingly passive action. Consider this: if a Facebook “friend” you’ve never met face-to-face “liked” your status update, would it inspire you to write a detailed email in return? I think not. Needless to say, your first interaction with a clickable mate is often your make-or-break moment and should not come by way of a generic emoticon. It’s unlikely that it will inspire any action . . . in your inbox or otherwise.

The truth is that women can sometimes still get away with merely clicking the Wink button—especially hotties with bodies. But if you’re truly interested in a match, you shouldn’t blow your one opportunity with a seemingly meaningless attempt. Isn’t your future partner worth a few sentences?!

Of course, the most important reason to ignore Winking online and leave it only to real-life scenarios is “mat-uration,” the saturation of matches like you on a site. The number of singles dating online is growing every day, which means that more and more conversation is happening. You want to make sure that you’re an active participant so you don’t get lost in the shuffle and miss an opportunity with a match simply because his or her inbox is flooded and Winks are automatically deleted. (Trust me, singles do it.) In fact, many eDaters are even savvy enough to spot a generic, template message and get rid of them without so much as a response.

To be truly proactive and productive in your digital dating life, you have to click Compose and start typing a message tailored specifically for your cyber-crush’s eyes only. There are four phases of sending messages: first messages, email replies, transitioning offline, and following up. But each needs to be approached differently; let’s break it down.

First Emails

Sending a first-email flirtation has three purposes:

1. Get a match’s attention. Technology should always work for you, not against you. But the truth is that with so many potential matches online, it’s possible that Mr. or Ms. Right (or Right Now) might not come across your profile. Maybe your profile doesn’t make a cameo until page 10 of their search results. If they sign off after viewing only five pages, they’ll miss you entirely. What you’re saying at the most basic level when you send an email is “I exist, listen up!”

2. Qualify yourself. Vouching for yourself as a qualified match is important. So even though you’ve already created a profile, you want to rehash what makes you a clickable mate for them. Avoid pleas (“If you like what you saw on my profile, too, message me back”) and basics (“I’m a well-educated, charming, and funny guy looking for a woman like you”), and qualify yourself more naturally by mentioning an interest or two that you share.

3. Start a conversation. Remember that messaging takes two—if you don’t begin chatting, you’ll never get offline. Encourage conversation and responses by writing an email meant specifically for him or her, and then ask a question. Questions show that you have genuine interest in getting to know someone and really begin the conversation.

Applying all three of these criteria creates email perfection. But deciding what to write once you click Compose isn’t always as clear-cut or straightforward.

Getting responses to the emails you send starts with reading your match’s profile.

Just as you may experience love at first sight in person, a similar tug at your heartstrings could happen when viewing a match’s pictures. But just because someone’s photos are swoon-worthy doesn’t mean you should skip the rest of their profile—you might be missing out on some vital information (or even a red flag or two). You’ll also get to know specifics about your common interests that you can talk or ask more about, showing this digital cutie that yes, you cared enough to read through the profile, making it more likely that you’ll get a response.

But there will also be cases when someone just seems right for you, even though you can’t put your fingertip on what makes that person your “type.” It might be his or her sense of style, the tone of the About section, or simply one funny sentence that literally made you LOL. And that’s when crafting an email that qualifies yourself and starts a conversation can clinch permanent space on his or her heart’s hard drive.

If it’s not immediately apparent how you’ll click, ask yourself: What do I like about him or her? This will help give your email direction. I do this exercise with Khristine during our weekly sessions. As a thirty-four-year-old New Yorker with a busy schedule, she meets with me to be held accountable for the time she commits to online dating and the decisions she makes. Her first thought about what appeals to her in someone’s profile is usually along the lines of “He seems genuine.” But after a few moments, she’ll come up with a few others, such as “He sounds successful like me,” or “I haven’t read that book he mentions yet, but I really enjoyed the author’s first novel.” And suddenly, we have a perfect topic for her first email. Discussing how genuine someone seems is too intangible and broad a topic for a first message. And while success is fantastic, we don’t want to start off a pending love connection with job talk—it’s not very romantic! However, discussing favorite authors not only highlights a similar interest but also shows comparable levels of intelligence, which is important if you pride yourself on book smarts as much as Khristine does.

If you’re having a hard time determining a topic for a message, look at passions and keywords.

Passions are the best topics of conversation, particularly if you have a few in common. Believe it or not, I notice that passions are not usually the focus of people’s profiles. But by looking closely at language and phrasing, you can figure out what a match is excited about in life. For example, if someone mentions an organization like Habitat for Humanity, you can bet that helping others is something he or she cares deeply about. If you can tap into what people have a passion for, they’ll want to respond. After all, when someone asks you about something you love, don’t you just want to gush all about it?

Reviewing keywords doesn’t require you to read between the lines the way finding a passion does, but it’s a solid strategy if you’re struggling to find a point of connection. Scan your match’s profile for interests that you share, such as travel, yoga, or family. If he or she doesn’t expand on the topic in their profile, use your message as an opportunity to ask more about it, while giving insight into why that topic ranks high in your life.
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Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: Atria Books
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2013
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 1451687036
• ISBN 13: 9781451687033
• Einband: Taschenbuch
• Anzahl der Seiten: 256
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: Nicht verfügbar
• Verantwortliche Person: Nicht verfügbar