Home World: It Isn'T Hell But You Can Smell It From There - Softcover

Ascot, Michael

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1452024928 ISBN 13: 9781452024929

Verlag: AuthorHouse, 2010

Inhaltsangabe

Until the night of his kidnapping Scott Richards was happy with his life as a grifter. He didn't want to be a hero, he didn't want to be taken to a world in the Snickers galaxy but he didn't have a choice. His mission was to save the population of a polluted planet, controlled by computers devoted to running a virtual game designed to entertain a species of unimaginative beings trapped in stasis. He knew he wasn't a hero, but he knew how to make a buck.

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HOME WORLD

IT ISN'T HELL BUT YOU CAN SMELL IT FROM THEREBy Michael Ascotby

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2010 Michael Ascot
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4520-2492-9

Contents

Nuts................................................................................1City................................................................................4Adjustment..........................................................................12Fiends..............................................................................19Snickers............................................................................23Ingrates............................................................................27Faith...............................................................................35Repartee............................................................................41Confusing...........................................................................48Destroyed...........................................................................55Reconsider..........................................................................62Intolerable.........................................................................69Facilities..........................................................................76Gold................................................................................83Gardens.............................................................................88Union...............................................................................95Sleep...............................................................................102Morning.............................................................................106Coin................................................................................113Dragon..............................................................................119Mad.................................................................................126Talk................................................................................132Ooze................................................................................140Screech.............................................................................147Harpy...............................................................................152Deal................................................................................157Grubs...............................................................................163Downpour............................................................................171Banana..............................................................................176Them................................................................................181Haydn...............................................................................186Dinner..............................................................................191Run.................................................................................199Angels..............................................................................206Pinch...............................................................................212Badge...............................................................................220Destiny.............................................................................231Kraken..............................................................................239File: Addendum "A"; Subject: Scott Richards; Operative Unit: 2B.....................247File: Addendum "B"; Subject: Scott Richards; Operative Unit: 2B.....................252File: Addendum "C"; Subject: Scott Richards: Operative Unit: 2B.....................258Machines............................................................................264Beelzebub...........................................................................270Jackass.............................................................................278Recruit.............................................................................283Smell...............................................................................290Skymir..............................................................................296Soil................................................................................304Flypaper............................................................................310Indigestion.........................................................................318Challenge...........................................................................323Them Again..........................................................................329Swing Batter, Batter Swing..........................................................336And the Crowd Went Crazy............................................................342Gort................................................................................347Cigarettes..........................................................................356

Chapter One

Nuts

The wife must have thought I was nuts when I came back to the trailer at five in the morning, stone-cold sobber. Without a word, I immediately pulled out the portable typewriter and got to work.

I had to get it all down on paper before the chain of events got distorted into a mental Picasso painting. Oh sure, it may look like a painting of a beautiful woman now but what the hell is it going to look like after you sober up?

Sure, the wife saw my reward, and the pages of typed computer paper. She was too busy demanding an explanation of my whereabouts to, as she cleverly stated, give a damn about that crap. I told her that what I was typing would explain everything, and if she'd just let me get down to work she'd have her answer in a few weeks. That went over like a lead fart.

She spent the next hour and a half questioning the possibility as to wether my parents actually knew each other or were just strangers on the block. She also stated in the loudest possible voice she could issue, without blowing a vocal chord, that I was following in the steps of Oedipus Rex. Of course, I'm paraphrasing in both instances. There are some words I won't even use. Well, I do actually, but only under stress.

The one-sided argument ended as they all do. She stated in a superior tone that she had to go to work. Like she was the only woman who had a paying job. The force of her famous door slam popped the plastic wall hanging off its bracket. Peace, at last. Now I can get down to work.

The whole thing started last night, or should I say six months ago? It all depends on your point of view, or should I say my point of view? Oh, this is nuts. I feel like a pathetic yokel in some deserted field who saw a UFO. The poor schmuck tells his tale to anyone who will listen, and everyone smiles at him, shaking their heads knowingly. No one actually believes his account of what has happened, but they are too polite to tell him he's meshuggeh.

I really think aliens do stuff like that because it pleases their equally alien sense of humor. Believe me. I know what I'm talking about. I mean, you may think your dog running and sliding on the highly-polished kitchen floor is hilarious, but that's not even in the same solar system as some of the guys I've met.

Case in point. I tell them that I'm going to write a book about the whole affair and become very prosperous from the royalties and merchandising, action figures, restaurant tie-ins, that sort of thing.

Do they give me some cool alien thing that will prove, once and for all, that I'm on...

Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: AuthorHouse
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2010
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 1452024928
• ISBN 13: 9781452024929
• Einband: Taschenbuch
• Anzahl der Seiten: 368
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: Nicht verfügbar
• Verantwortliche Person: gpsr@libri.de; gpsr@libri.de; ; Friedensallee 273; Hamburg; 22763; Deutschland