Happy Parents-Happy Children: Practical Guide for Parents - Softcover

Lukawska, Kristina

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1452548080 ISBN 13: 9781452548081

Verlag: BalboaPress, 2012

Inhaltsangabe

The best gift we can give to our children is to grow and learn how to go beyond our ego's limits, opening our hearts and minds. This book was created to empower parents to change and awaken their inner loving parent so they can offer their childr

Über diesen Titel

Auszug. © Genehmigter Nachdruck. Alle Rechte vorbehalten.

Happy Parents — Happy Children

Practical Guide for ParentsBy Kristina Lukawska

Balboa Press

Copyright © 2012 Kristina Lukawska
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4525-4808-1

Contents

Acknowledgments...................................................................viiStep One: AVOID REPEATING YOUR PARENTS' MISTAKES..................................1Why do you make the same mistakes your parents made?..............................1Review your beliefs...............................................................2Forgive your parents..............................................................8Practice mindfulness..............................................................9Step Two: LEARN TO ACCEPT EMOTIONS................................................13Why controlling your emotions is not helpful......................................13Stop and listen to yourself.......................................................18Practice identifying and accepting your children's feelings.......................22Six principles of listening with acceptance.......................................26Attune to your children's feelings................................................29Step Three: TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.................................................33Let go of guilt...................................................................33Awaken the good, loving parent in yourself........................................43Take care of yourself.............................................................46Step Four: HELP YOUR CHILDREN DEVELOP THEIR NATURAL POTENTIAL.....................51Create a loving and safe home.....................................................51Help your children develop high self-esteem.......................................55Nurture your children's natural curiosity.........................................72Step Five: SET LIMITS WITH LOVE...................................................79Assume your children are doing the best they can..................................79Use positive discipline instead of punishment.....................................80How to set limits so children will not respond with defiance?.....................82Involve the children in joint problem solving.....................................91Step Six: BUILDING A HAPPY FAMILY.................................................95Respect the boundaries and create safe space for everyone.........................97See the family as one whole.......................................................100Cultivate family rituals..........................................................105In Conclusion.....................................................................113References........................................................................115About the Author..................................................................117

Chapter One

Step One: AVOID REPEATING YOUR PARENTS' MISTAKES

Why do you make the same mistakes your parents made?

I will never forget a situation that took place when my daughter was eight or nine. It was summer and I took my children to the lake. I parked the car in the parking lot next to the beach. I proceeded to take things out of the car, while my daughter Kaya shuffled her feet, eager to get into the water. When I was finally ready to head towards the lake, I let Kaya run ahead. Excited, she hopped around the car, straight onto a bicycle path. I heard her shout and saw her crash into a fast moving man on roller-skates, and then I saw both of them fall to the ground. I was terrified. Moving quickly toward her, I started yelling, "Can't you see this is a bicycle path?! You never look where you're going!"

Trembling with fear and agitation, I offered Kaya my hand to help her get up. She pushed it away, wiped tears from her eyes, looked at me and said, "So instead of asking me if I got hurt or if I'm okay, you are standing over me yelling?!"

Then she brushed her skirt clean and again headed toward the lake. I stood there, dumbfounded and embarrassed, but also full of admiration for my child, who had turned out to be more mature than me, her mother. I promised myself then that never again would I permit such a situation to happen.

I realized then, that I reacted in exactly the same way my mother used to react in similar situations. When something happened – I tripped or fell– she would panic and yell, and shake or hit me. I now know that she did that because she was worried or concerned about me. Later I would unwittingly repeat her actions, doing exactly what I had hated most about her responses. Thanks to that situation, I also realized that under the influence of strong emotions such as anxiety, anger, fear or shame, I behaved against my better judgment, doing or saying things I later regretted.

We often do things automatically, repeating behaviors that we learned a long time ago, under completely different circumstances. We unwittingly treat our children in the same way we used to be treated by our parents and guardians.

Review your beliefs

Our beliefs, instilled in us during childhood by parents and teachers, are unconscious patterns, which influence all our decisions.

These patterns are beliefs that our parents have created or passed on from earlier generations. The view that was prominent in my own home – that in order to become independent, a woman first had to complete university studies – had been created by my grandmother, the first woman in the family, who had taken them up. However, such beliefs refer to all spheres of life. Most of them can be found in many families or even societies, for example, the idea that hospitality requires you feed your guest. Other ones are typical only for certain families.

In one family we find the view that a girl should wait for the boy to initiate a date. In another, there is the view that a woman has the same right to propose a date as a man has. Similarly, in one family one may hear that a woman should complete her studies and be independent, while in another one hears she has no chance of becoming independent at all. Some parents try to persuade their children that they can achieve something in life only through hard work, while others raise them with the conviction that passion is what counts most. Still others repeat that it is not worth making an effort since no one is going to appreciate it anyway.

Reflect on the beliefs about a traditional family model that were present in your home. What are your current beliefs in that matter?

In order to become more aware of your beliefs, you can complete the following sentences. This will help you recognize the differences between your mother and father's thinking, as well as to consider what is most important for you in these roles:

    My mother thought that a good mother should ...
    My father thought that a good father should ...
    I now think that a good father should ...
    I now think that a good mother should ...

    My mother thought that children should ...
    My father thought that children should ...
    I now think that children should ...

    My mother thought that in a good family ...
    My father thought that in a good family ...
    I now think that in a good family ...

We have absorbed some of these views by listening to...

Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: BalboaPress
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2012
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 1452548080
• ISBN 13: 9781452548081
• Einband: Taschenbuch
• Anzahl der Seiten: 128
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: preigu GmbH & Co. KG; mail@preigu.de; ; Lengericher Landstr. 19; Osnabrück; Niedersachsen; 49078; Deutschland