In 2001, I was confronted with the most frightening challenge of my life, the diagnosis of a disease called scleroderma. I gradually learnt that this was no ordinary condition, as both my immune and vascular systems are compromised. The body is overproducing collagen throughout the body's cells, tissues, organs, and systems, causing scarring or fibrosis. I felt strongly compelled to stay positive and explored many areas of help by seeking medical, holistic, and spiritual ways of healing. My book reveals the challenging and yet empowering journey I am living. Through a natural desire to express myself, I began writing my thoughts down daily and led to much insight and inspiration. My journal of poems, affirmations, and dedications brings to light a culmination of years of fear, bravery, pain, faith, desperation, and enlightenment. I sincerely hope this reaches the many thousands of people who are struggling just like me, dealing with their day-to-day tribulations of managing an autoimmune disease. I endeavour to deliver comfort and recognition by openly sharing my story and I wish with all my heart and soul that it helps people in some reassuring way or hopefully in a most miraculous way. This is my dream.
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| My Book: To My Mother Bettina.............................................. | xiii |
| A Positive Beginning Triumph Over Illness.................................. | xv |
| Introduction: The Beginning................................................ | xvii |
| My Journey.... From July 2001 to Present day............................... | xxi |
| Acknowledgements........................................................... | xxxi |
| Chapter 1 Survival......................................................... | 1 |
| Chapter 2 Bravery & Fear................................................... | 17 |
| Chapter 3 Sadness & Despair................................................ | 27 |
| Chapter 4 Courage & Faith.................................................. | 49 |
| Chapter 5 Compassion....................................................... | 63 |
| Chapter 6 Dedications...................................................... | 83 |
| Chapter 7 Love............................................................. | 123 |
| Chapter 8 Gratitude........................................................ | 135 |
| Chapter 9 Guidance & Insight............................................... | 151 |
| Chapter 10 Inspiration & Intuition......................................... | 181 |
| Chapter 11 Surrender & Enlightenment....................................... | 211 |
| Chapter 12 Spiritual Awareness............................................. | 237 |
Survival
Quote: Anne Lamott
"I do not understand the mystery of grace-Onlythat it meets us where we areBut does not leave us where it found us.
Being Cared For
TO be strong
Is to be vulnerable
Do not conceal
The weaknesses of life, altercation
On Love, Health, Fear or,
Indecision.
Make a stand, a soulful petition
Relinquish all holds
On the truth and be frank
Let it be
Let it be known
I am humbled and meek
In this Need for Care.
Being Cared For
Enables me to come out of
The darkness of denial
Ending this self-defensive spiral.
Steering Your Own Way
Taking responsibility for one's life
In many forms, is essential
Wake up and take the reigns
Your interest and proactive intentions
Opens so many doors in your Name
Staying dormant in wonder
Does not fuel the fire of our soul
It needs our breath and motion
To rise high and make us whole.
We cannot account for others choices
They alone, can lead their own destiny
Staying vigilant on steering your own way
Will bring you closer to the right path
To Freedom and Harmony.
Self-Empowerment
My obsession to lessen
The growing pain of denial,
Has destructive effects on me.
I can't stop when my body needs to
I can't breathe when my body needs to
I can't cry when my body needs to
My search for SELF-EMPOWERMENT is the KEY.
Find the victorious answer from inside
What has transpired may seem out of your control
But what we create
Can also be in our Power to change,
It can be natural.
Adapt To Thrive
The veil of restrictions are lifted
I can now start, without
Freezing in fear to continue
I am NOW evolving
With the lessons I am gifted.
I accept new challenges will arise
Till then, I bask in my ecstasy
Ground myself and live
The world is a changing place
So we too must adapt to thrive.
Just when our mind is made up
Something happens to help us
See a new point of view
I am ever so humbled
When confronted with solutions
I never knew.
Allergy To Msg
For many unknowing years
I questioned my palate and tastebuds
Often been drawn to numerous
Unhealthy yet delicious flavours.
MY savouring was short lived
As not long after the invigorating feast
A drum of dislike was present
In my whole being.
I learnt the lesson soon, one day
What is taken in, Must be natural
The societies lure of addictions
Became an instrument, I wish
To no longer play.
Back To Basics
The body responds
To neglect
Like an outcast
Refused shelter
After a long, hard journey.
Immediate recognition
Is beseeched
Create an Oasis
With the simplest of tasks
Tend to the basics.
Water
Nutritious food
Rest
And tolerance
Your body needs
Attention, without deference.
The Power Within Us All
A creator is within us
We may not see
This part of us
For indeed
Knowing this
Will set us free.
Letting Go
Change is frightening
So is sheer...
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