Til the Fat Redhead Sleeps: A Big Apple Story - Softcover

Wilson, Victoria

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1491705310 ISBN 13: 9781491705315

Verlag: iUniverse, 2013

Inhaltsangabe

For the first time in years, Blaine Bishop will be spending Thanksgiving alone, and she can't wait. This year, she won't worry about the stress of travel or family dynamics. She won't stress the weekend away and wonder where her vacation went. Instead, she will spend Thanksgiving doing whatever she wants. But of course, as the saying goes, the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. After completing a routine errand for her boss at a client's office, Blaine takes the building's ancient elevator down to the main floor. The start of Blaine's four-day holiday weekend is just minutes away when an obese redheaded woman joins her on the elevator. As luck would have it, the elevator suddenly stops, and Blaine finds herself trapped between floors with a stranger. Blaine's fantasy weekend is now destroyed, as they have no clue when they will be rescued. Even worse, the redhead seems determined to talk nonstop. Blaine finds herself a captive audience. As the hours pass and help does not arrive, she finds herself wondering just how long she can stand it.

Über diesen Titel

Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Victoria Wilson is a vice president and senior editor at Alfred Knopf, and the author ofA Life ofBarbaraStanwyck.She grew up on Marthas Vineyard and lives in New York City and upstate New York.

Auszug. © Genehmigter Nachdruck. Alle Rechte vorbehalten.

'Til the Fat Redhead Sleeps

A Big Apple Story

By Victoria Wilson

iUniverse LLC

Copyright © 2013 Victoria Wilson
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-4917-0531-5

CHAPTER 1

Hour One: 2:00 to 3:00 p.m.

Blaine's smartphone said the time was 2:07 p.m. EST. Shediscovered that telling time was all the smartphone was goodfor in this aged mahogany-inlaid jail. Since hearing from Emmett,she had been trying to phone, text, and send e-mails, first to 911 andthen to various friends, but the same messages appeared on the screen:"Unable to send mail," or "Message not delivered," or "No signal." Shefelt like crying.

"It's a waste of time, I'm afraid," the fat redhead said, pointing atthe smartphone with her stubby index finger. "This building is in oneof the worst areas for cell phone reception in the world," she averred.

"Yeah, I'm beginning to suspect that," Blaine said with a grimace.Why me?

For several minutes, neither woman said anything. Finally, theredhead broke the silence.

"This is just typical. Just typical," the fat redhead said, shaking herhead. "For once I was gonna leave work early so I could get home at adecent hour and start enjoying the holiday weekend, but nooooooh,this has to happen—again!"

"Yeah, you mentioned that this is the third time this week. That'sterrible," Blaine said.

"Tell me about it. And they won't do a damn thing about it. Won'tspend the money. I should sue the shit out of 'em for mental distress orsomething."

Blaine smiled weakly and nodded. She was beginning to feel alittle mental distress herself, being trapped in an elevator with anagitated three-hundred-pound-plus woman. Who knew what thisperson would do if she became desperate? Would she take her angerout on her? On the chair in the corner? She had to be ready foranything, she decided.

"I know why this is happening, though," the woman said. "This ishappening because I'm God's little cat toy."

"Huh?"

"Yeah," the woman said, the hint of a smile on her face.

"You ever see a cat with a balled-up piece of aluminum foil? Thecat will bat that ball around a room at breakneck speed, catch it in itsmouth, toss it up in the air, stalk it, pounce on it, purposely let it rollunder the sofa, go after it, catch it with its front paws, and then, withthe ball clamped firmly in its mouth, will furiously kick at it with itsback paws, let the ball roll away again, bat it around some more, andfinally, after repeating this sequence several more times, the cat willtrot proudly, ball in mouth, to a dark corner of the bedroom closetyou've forgotten to close and deposit its prize deep inside the toe of anunsuspecting shoe or the partner of your favorite pair of boots." Thewoman paused briefly to catch her breath.

"Once this is done, the cat will promptly tire of this game andforget all about it as it saunters off to see what kind of treats canbe finagled out of its human by the sheer force of its cute face."The woman's face was flushed as if she had been chasing after thealuminum ball herself.

"That balled-up piece of aluminum foil will remain undisturbed,lodged in the toe of that shoe or boot until days, or even weeks laterwhen you decide your boots will be the perfect choice with that day'soutfit." The woman continued. "After you realize there's something inthe toe of the left boot, you'll start tapping and striking and reachingin to get whatever it is out, until finally, the metal orb rolls into theheel part, and you turn the boot upside down, freeing the ball fromits suede jail to merrily roll, roll, roll on the floor toward the freedomof the hallway." To illustrate this, the woman made a rolling motionwith her hand. "The cat, upon hearing this, will utter a joyful chirpthat means, 'Yay! Where have you been, my long-lost friend?' and thegame will start all over again."

Blaine smiled at the thought of this woman comparing herself toan aluminum ball rolling around the floor. She'd pay money to seethat, for sure. Her smile encouraged the fat redhead to continue hermonologue.

"See, I've long suspected God of deriving much amusement fromthe situations in which I find myself and the people who cross mypath. I believe he creates those situations and causes those people tofind their way to me just so he can see my reaction. There's just noother explanation for some of the things I've witnessed and gonethrough. Many times, I've been the only witness to some bizarre stuff,so I have my suspicions, like I said." The woman looked at Blaine forwhat? Agreement? Approval? Blaine couldn't read her expression,but it didn't matter because the woman continued with her train ofthought.

"Of course, it could also be karma. I happen to believe in karma,and in my mind, it boils down to the same thing: God or karma,payback's a bitch, you know?"

"Uh-huh," Blaine said, nodding again. She realized her fellowrider needed very little encouragement to speak her mind. Or maybeit was the woman's way of coping with the situation. It could be shewas nervous being trapped in a stalled elevator. Whatever the case,this behemoth certainly wasn't shy about telling a complete strangerexactly what was on her mind.

Full speed ahead, the woman continued. "I often wonder whoI was in previous lives. Yes, I believe in reincarnation too," she said,noticing Blaine's skeptical expression. "But I think I must have ametaphysical learning disability or something because I keep comingback. I've reincarnated many times already, and I'll probably comeback a few more times after this life. Maybe one of these lifetimes I'llget it right. In the meantime, here I am, God's little cat toy."

Nothing little about you, Shamu.

They fell back into silence. Blaine looked at her smartphone again.It was 2:35. It felt later than that, probably because of her colorfulelevator friend, but that was good. If the firemen rescued themquickly, the afternoon wouldn't be a total waste. She could still gethome relatively early. Maybe she'd even stop at the corner liquor storeand get a bottle of wine to celebrate her release. Yeah. That's exactlywhat she was going to do. She deserved it after this.

"Hello, miss?" Emmett's voice came through the intercom. "Miss?Are you there? Can you hear me?"

"Well, where the hell else would we be? Moron!" the fat redheadsaid.

Blaine pressed the intercom button and spoke into the speaker."Yes, Emmett, hello!" she called out.

"Miss, the firemen are here, but there's a problem. The way theelevator's wedged between the seventh and eighth floors, it's gonnatake awhile to get it running again."

"Well, what's a while, Emmett?" Blaine said, her voice wavering alittle. She had to keep it together.

"They're not really sure, miss. Maybe a couple of hours or so, butthey're working on it; I just wanted you to know."

"Thanks, Emmett. We appreciate the update."

Her heart sank. The joy she had felt earlier at the thought of thelong holiday weekend evaporated. She needed to keep her cool. Staycalm, she told herself. This will be over soon. Maybe the elevator will berepaired faster than the firemen thought.

"Well, looks like we'll be here for a while," the woman said, almostcheerfully. "If you don't mind, I'm gonna use the chair. My knees arekilling me. We can take turns sitting, okay?"

"No problem; go ahead. I can just sit here," Blaine said, pointingdown, simultaneously letting her body slide down the wall of theelevator until her derriere made contact with the floor. Good thing shehad chosen to wear comfortable slacks and her flat ankle boots thatmorning. Blaine...

Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: iUniverse
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2013
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 1491705310
• ISBN 13: 9781491705315
• Einband: Taschenbuch
• Anzahl der Seiten: 176
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: Nicht verfügbar
• Verantwortliche Person: gpsr@libri.de; gpsr@libri.de; ; Europaallee 1; Bad Hersfeld; 36244; Deutschland