Real Life On the Rocks . . . With a Twist!: A Collection of Stories . . . and Thoughts - Softcover

Mooney, Terry

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1491816511 ISBN 13: 9781491816516

Verlag: AuthorHouse, 2013

Inhaltsangabe

Real life is a series of ups and downs; for some the downs seem far more frequent and ominous than the ups. The key to a peaceful, contented life is to find a balance between accepting reality as it is and creating our own reality as we dream it. It takes determination and work, but real life is what it is, a combination of good and bad, happy and sad. What is smooth sailing one day may end up stranded on the rocks the next. But whatever happens, always seek to add your own personal twist to make it your life and no one else's. Real Life, On the Rocks . . . With a Twist! is an eclectic collection of real-life experiences told in a style reminiscent of Erma Bombeck. Read about a bear attempting to open a dumpster while standing on the lid, something we all tend to do in our own lives. Transcend generations as you read about a young girl boldy making a stand against a neighborhood bully. Warmth and humor guide the reader through the struggles and challenges of family, friendship, career, and personal loss for a young woman making her way through life on her own. Issues of love and self-esteem are presented with refreshingly subtle irony. Written with keen insight and lighthearted wit, Real Life, On the Rocks . . . With a Twist! is a toast to humanity and a celebration of the human spirit.

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Real Life On the Rocks ... With a Twist!

A Collection of Stories ... and Thoughts

By Terry Mooney

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2013 Terry Mooney
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-4918-1651-6

Contents

Foreword...................................................................
vii
1 Fantasy Life Can Be Rich; but Reality Is Even Richer!....................
1
2 Just Do It!..............................................................
3
3 Hell on Wheels...........................................................
7
4 They're Fake!............................................................
11
5 The Love Boat............................................................
15
6 Mr. Paul.................................................................
19
7 Run! And Don't Look Back!................................................
23
8 I Do Believe in Santa Clause!............................................
27
9 Merci, Mes Amis!.........................................................
31
10 Patience Is a Derivative of Commitment..................................
35
11 Does Anybody Care?......................................................
39
12 Don't Stand on the Lid You're Trying to Open!...........................
43
13 Make the Best of What We have...........................................
45
14 "Nice To Have Help, Huh?"...............................................
49
15 What Affects Any Creature, Affects Us All...............................
51
16 Doesn't Anyone Listen?..................................................
55
17 Don't Believe Everything You Hear!......................................
59
18 Half the Battle Is Knowing When to Help; the Other Half Is Knowing When 
to Back off!...............................................................
63
19 "It's just a flesh wound!"—Monty Python and the Holy Grail..............
67
20 "This is for all the lonely people"—America.............................
71
21 It's Just a Matter of Time..............................................
75
22 Sweet Caroline..........................................................
79
23 Nothing to Laugh About..................................................
83
24 Challenge for a Spoiled Girl............................................
87
25 When the Going Gets Tough, Do Something Outrageous!.....................
91
26 Be Careful What You Ask for!............................................
95
27 Would You Like Some Cheese with that Whine?.............................
99
28 Never Assume............................................................
103

CHAPTER 1

Fantasy Life Can Be Rich;but Reality Is Even Richer!

The fantasy life of a real estate agent is not unlike that of people inother professions. It goes like this. I am sitting behind a mahoganydesk with a backdrop of the Manhattan skyline, sporting a Chanelsuit and Jimmy Choo shoes, when the phone rings and a cash buyeris on the line, seriously interested in the commercial building for saleright next door (I don't even have to get into my BMW to make thedeal) and wants to make a full price offer—right now!

I said fantasy. Actually, I was sitting behind a Formica deskwearing Ann Taylor Loft clam-diggers and marshmallow sandals,casual elegance because this is the Poconos, with a backdrop of theDonut Connection. I'd only been in the real estate business a yearand a half, so I still got nervous when I had a customer. The mostexpensive house I'd sold was $310,000 in a market where manyvacation homes were selling for about $150,000. A man, his wife, andhis son walked in, and it was my turn. I was first up. They preferredsomething on the water; their price range was about $500,000 to$600,000, and my heart was pounding out of my body. I showedthem five properties, one of which they all really liked. As they leftto go back to the city, the husband promised to call me in a day or soafter he spoke with his bank. They were seriously pursuing a secondhome and felt this could be the one. I walked them to their car, saidgood-bye, and wished them a safe journey home. I went back insidefeeling as if I'd done a good job and that I actually might have made agreat sale.

While I was chatting about the houses I'd shown, the secretaryinformed me that Mr. Waterfront Buyer was on the phone asking forme. I shrieked, "He's gonna make an offer!" and I bolted down thehall to my desk, ripping an Offer to Purchase form out of the drawerand opening the pen. "Yes, Mr. Buyer?" I said in a calm, sophisticatedvoice. He replied, "Oh yes, Terry. I just wanted to let you know thatmy son used the upstairs bathroom and the water was turned off. Youmay want to take care of it."

Well, I thanked him for calling. It wasn't the call I had hopedfor, but if he hadn't advised me, the seller would have had a ratherunpleasant surprise. Suddenly, panic set in. How do I take care of it?I wondered. The water was turned off, so flushing wouldn't work.I mentioned it to a few of the other agents in the office who begana litany of comments such as "Well, you'll just have to rectify thesituation!" Another asked, "Isn't this the second time you've beendumped on this week?" We were laughing so hard we couldn't say anymore. When we finally caught our breath, one of the more seasonedagents suggested I go to the local market, buy two half-gallon jugs ofwater, and pour them down. And that's what I set out to do.

The next morning was very quiet. It was a Sunday, the sun wasshining, and the air was cool. I brought my water jugs to the houseand climbed the stairs up to the offending toilet. I opened the lid andemptied one jug. Nothing happened. Good thing I bought two jugs,I thought. So I completely emptied the second one in what I thoughtwas a vigorous manner, thinking that my vigor would push it down.It didn't. What now? Well, I thought, this is waterfront. So I searchedfor a bucket. I was just about to give up when I found one outsideunder the deck. I sighed with relief and made the long descent tothe pond, filled the bucket, and made the long ascent back up,mumbling, "He couldn't use the one on the first floor; it had to bethe top one" and "Remind me to quit smoking." Of course, I shouldhave thought to wear sneakers, but I wore little sandals that madenavigating the wooden steps treacherous. After three trips, I decidedthat the job was done. It wasn't until about three years later that Ifound out that you're supposed to put the water in the tank, not thetoilet!

CHAPTER 2

Just Do It!

Spinning at the gym soon after I'd moved to the Poconos, ourinstructor told us to close our eyes and imagine that we were on abeautiful country road. When I lived in the city, it made sense topretend to be in the country, imagining a cute little house with flowerboxes and trees all around. I ended every yoga class with that in mymind's eye. Creative visualization,...

Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: AuthorHouse
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2013
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 1491816511
• ISBN 13: 9781491816516
• Einband: Taschenbuch
• Anzahl der Seiten: 114
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: Nicht verfügbar
• Verantwortliche Person: gpsr@libri.de; gpsr@libri.de; ; Friedensallee 273; Hamburg; 22763; Deutschland