This Is Not My Life!: Coaching the Past to Help Your Future - Softcover

Love, S. M.

Softcover

ISBN 10: 150497574X ISBN 13: 9781504975742

Verlag: AuthorHouse, 2016

Inhaltsangabe

The ugly details about an intimate relationship on blast is what S.M. Love gives us in This Is Not My Life. She pores out the details nobody ever wants to talk about in a relationship. She even admits the part she played in the dysfunction. The book takes us through her past, and gives coaching advice to help others prevent the same mistakes. This Is Not My Life was written to help others set themselves free from relationship drama and to find happiness. The author uses this piece of her life to show how blind you can be in the middle of any relationship. S.M. Love takes off her love blinders, and puts on her life coaching lenses to tell you where she went wrong . The little reminders in the book are things one can use in everyday life. The book is an enjoyable read, and relates to the one thing men and women have in common, difficult relationships.

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This Is Not My Life!

Coaching the Past to Help Your Future

By S.M. Love

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2016 S.M. Love
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-5049-7574-2

CHAPTER 1

Hot sex, fabulous cars, and exotic trips were the snap shots of my relationship in my early twenties. I was still in college and having a rich man was the in thing. I was headed towards a nice career in the hospital, but let's face it in California you dream bigger than the hospital. My goals were a big ring with many flashy things so others could be envious. I was young and had lost track of the fact that a real relationship was about more than material things. I received everything I wanted from Daniel — along with things I did not want. I was in the beginning of a dysfunctional relationship that was surrounded with emotional abuse, covered up by money.

Daniel and I had some really great times, mixed with some questionable times in our new courtship. We were long-term associates, so we assumed it would be a good fit. He was a man I trusted because we had so much in common. We could laugh together for hours, and even lose track of time just talking. I was so wrapped up in our previous friendship from high school, that I didn't analyze our current relationship.

I was 22 years old, and he swept me off my feet like a fairytale. It was hard to see past the extravagant gifts, and luxurious lifestyle he provided for me. For the first 4 months life was "perfect", and argument free. Then out of nowhere we started having trivial disagreements. These spats would end up with him not talking to me for up to two weeks. Most of the other weeks everything would be romantic and argument-free.

It took me a long time to realize how much we were arguing. More often than not, arguments became less because I tiptoed around his triggers. Looking back, I realize now this was a huge warning sign from the beginning of the relationship, but I believed I was in love, so I chose to work it out. I was immature and believed that all adult relationships had these types of problems. I didn't realize that having these issues at the early stage meant down the line it would get worse.

As months passed by and one year changed into the next, we had some really good times; it would be hard to count them all. The 80% good, at this point, definitely outweighed the 20% bad in the relationship. The problem was that he seemed to be just going through the motions, and never really putting his real emotions out there. Don't get me wrong: the presents, and extravagant trips he gave me were amazing. But it always seemed like we were playing roles in a movie until we argued and I cried. It was like he was on autopilot when we were happy, and his real personality came out when we argued. Although the bad with us could be more than bad, after a year of courtship things started to change and become even worse.

I watched the situation change before my eyes, but I never expressed my feelings or position about the relationship. I didn't want our relationship to end because I was afraid to be single. I also was determined to not start over with someone else. We started spending less time together; now he only went out with his friends. If I ever said anything about him going out with his friends, or stated how I didn't like the little bit of time he gave me, I was wrong. If I said one word we were in an argument. These childish mind tricks seemed to keep me at bay for the time being.

If I had been my own life coach then, I would have asked myself a series of questions:

Are you happy with your relationship?

If you are not happy what is keeping you there?

What would help your relationship become more of what you need?

Since I wasn't a life coach at this time, I stayed through all of the hard patches. I was loyal to a fault. To my surprise, he still managed to ask me to move away with him to his home on the East Coast a year into the relationship. Moving meant I had to drop my whole life, including my job, to revolve around his needs, and it was a scary thought. But, like many others, I had love blinders on and made the move.

I had a man and I wanted to keep him so I did what it took. I wasn't thinking about how my life would be affected. I was just living in the moment, and enjoying the ride. I didn't think about how he would now be in total control because he would be supporting me. My parents said that with his personality type it would be a mistake, but I still avoided all the warning signs. I swore that moving would show my love and trust to make us closer.

I arrived on the East Coast three weeks earlier than we had both intended. A family member of mine had just passed away so I was going to attend the funeral. It was warm and humid back east with light rains, very different from the sunny days and beach I had left behind. I was just so excited to live together because it was a new adventure neither of us had ever experienced. I was so overwhelmed with things going on I could have never guessed what was going to happen next.

I had been in town three days and Daniel took me everywhere: movies, fancy dinner, clubs, and even the theater for a play. By the time the weekend ended we had been living together for four days, and it was time for him to return to work.

He awoke and went to work early Monday, and shortly after I woke up and started making myself at home. I started unpacking and cleaning to some soul tunes on the music channel. I was being a "good girlfriend", cleaning the townhouse from top to bottom. About an hour and a half in, my heart would be shattered into pieces I could not mend. A year and four months was flushed down the toilet.

After cleaning his bathroom and the living room area I worked my way over to the third bedroom. I was almost done cleaning when I found a video camera under one of the pillows as I was straightening the bed. The LED part of the camera was still popped open, so I wanted to see what someone had been watching or recording. Being nosey, I pressed play and saw three people having wild sex in the room I was trying to clean — and one of the participants was Daniel.

My heart must have skipped two beats at that moment. Anger, sadness, stupidity, and hurt all set in at once. Then my heart began to beat out of my chest. I pressed "pause" to try to think things through before reacting. While tossing thoughts back and forth, a light bulb popped on: this could have totally been an old video. Maybe he was just watching the good old single days before having a live-in girlfriend. That had to be it! Maybe he was just freaking out about having a live-in girlfriend; I couldn't be mad at anything that happened before me.

Questions I should have asked myself:

Do you want to be with someone that is watching his past sex acts?

Are you really okay now that you know about this type of behavior?

Like anyone else these questions never entered my mind, not even once. My thoughts just raced back and forth until the CSI agent in me came out. Then I thought about rewinding the tape to the beginning. I wanted to see if my loving boyfriend had his brand-new tattoo in the video. If so, I would have cold hard evidence that he was cheating on me. I hit rewind and play. A minute and a half into the video, I saw his tattoo and hit pause. There he was, cheating on me with not one, but two women at once. Why the hell would he even ask me to move in if this is what he wanted?

To add insult to injury, the girls who were with him had all the qualities he said he didn't want. Great! At first the only thought I had was, why...

Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: AuthorHouse
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2016
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 150497574X
• ISBN 13: 9781504975742
• Einband: Taschenbuch
• Anzahl der Seiten: 166
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: Nicht verfügbar
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