Never Look Back - Softcover

Johnson, Amy

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1546202811 ISBN 13: 9781546202813

Verlag: AuthorHouse, 2017

Inhaltsangabe

Amina’s life has changed for the better . . . and for the worse. Difficult work relationships are slowly turning around thanks to her deliberate efforts to improve them, and a surprising new connection at work causes Amina to rethink her relationship with Anthony. A monster from the past repeatedly rears its ugly head and prompts Amina to make an entirely selfish decision. Is this a decision that she can live with, or is it one that will destroy her new found happiness?

Über diesen Titel

Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Amy Johnson, PhD, is a coach, author, and speaker who shares a new paradigm for how our mind works that leads to lasting freedom from anxiety, depression, insecurity, and unwanted habits. She is author of Being Human and The Little Book of Big Change, and has been a regularly featured expert on The Steve Harvey Show and in The Wall Street Journal.

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Never Look Back

By Amy Johnson

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2017 Amy Johnson
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-5462-0281-3

CHAPTER 1

The Old Millennium

December 27, 1999

Dr. Branson,

It's hard to believe that a year has passed since that horrendous day when Victoria Miller terrorized me and Anthony at my house only to end with her taking her own life. I'm sure you are seeing all of the anniversary news features on television and in the newspapers. Because it was such a newsworthy story in the usually quiet town of Coronado, Arkansas, it's all anyone wants to talk about. You would think that people are discussing a blockbuster movie or something! The story has grown and even been exaggerated in the media. All I can do is shake my head because it just opens up the hurt all over again at a time when Anthony and I are finally trying to face the reality and get ourselves back on track.

She was your patient. Do you really understand why she did what she did? Not the medical explanation, but the human explanation. Can the brain be so intricately wired to and dependent on chemical balances that it can get screwed up enough to make a woman tirelessly obsess over a man who didn't want her, shoot up the home and vehicle of his innocent girlfriend, and then shoot herself knowing that the child she was carrying would ultimately die? Is the brain really that vulnerable, that sensitive, that complicated? Can missing medication or mixing medicine with alcohol really result in such radical consequences? Are we all simply ticking time bombs waiting for a chemical imbalance to detonate an explosion in our lives?

Do you think that perhaps you missed some warning signs? Do you ever wonder if there was anything else that you could have done? These are questions that Anthony and I have discussed, avoided or argued about in one way or another. Could we have prevented it from happening? Did we exacerbate the situation by ignoring her erratic behavior?

I saw that story on the news about Vickie's cousin Trevor and that other family coming together to file a civil lawsuit against you. I think it is absolutely ridiculous, but I just haven't said anything to you about it because avoiding all mention of her name and that situation seems to work in my mental favor. I am only bringing it up now because all the news stories and focus on it is creepily close to terrifying me. I haven't had a single anxiety attack since she died, and this shows me how mentally damaged I was and how severe my PTSD was. Could I possibly have ended up in her situation? Is there a chance that I could revert back to that fragile state but not be fortunate enough to recover? The possibilities take my breath away.

As much as possible, Anthony avoids all mention of her too. We have basically spent the entire year avoiding the subject as much as possible, working nonstop to keep our minds occupied, pretending that everything is fine in our relationship, and putting on quite a show for our friends and family who are now convinced that everything is truly back to normal with us. They think that we haven't missed a beat, that we are hopelessly in love, that we overcame an incredible obstacle with flying colors, without a scratch, and emerged better than we were before. They couldn't be farther from the truth. Our relationship is in serious trouble, and this time around I am not the only one who needs therapy.

I still see Dr. Branson, but our sessions progressed from weekly to biweekly to monthly to bimonthly to quarterly. Now, that's progress because back when I was seeing her once a week, I was a nervous wreck. In addition to my rapid progress, we ended up being pretty good friends. She joined my exercise group at the CFC – Coronado Fitness Center, and she fit in perfectly with my friends Evelyn and Sasha. Evelyn and Sasha are dispatchers at CPD, and they both knew Vickie quite well. Even in my exercise group, we avoided mention of her.

Although there have been many occasions when we wanted to talk about her, we all give each other a funny "let's not go there" look and change the subject. It's hard not to think about Vickie though, especially since there's a huge memorial plaque with her picture on it in the front lobby of the CFC. The minute you walk into the front door of the gym, there she is staring at you, reminding you that she used this facility quite a bit.

The plaque, courtesy of a benevolent foundation in Coronado, was also followed by a membership drive which awarded three lucky winners an annual free membership to the CFC in Vickie's honor. I never knew she was such a supporter of fitness, but then again, there was a lot that I didn't know about Victoria Miller, but Anthony did, and little by little, this information leaked out and blemished Anthony's heroic reputation.

She knew that he consumed a lot of alcohol, and she was perfectly okay with it. According to rumors, she was quite an alcoholic herself. I witnessed her drunken behavior firsthand on many occasions. As it turns out, Anthony wasn't completely honest with me about their relationship. As it turns out, he was not honest with me about a lot of information, and as I learned more about him, I questioned myself about why I'm with him.

For example, he agreed to attend the plaque dedication ceremony at the CFC. From what I heard, he had some pretty nice things to say about her. I wanted to leave it alone, but I had to ask him why he felt obligated to even attend, much less speak! His answer was one that I expected. "She was a cop, I am a cop. We support our own, no matter what," he explained. It's true that many officers attended that day, but it would not have been an anomaly for him to miss it. After all, she did try to kill him ... and me, the so called love of his life, the woman he wants to marry and bear his children.

So, now every time I walk into the CFC, there she perches like a vulture above the admission desk, the one place where everyone must stop and slide their identification card. You wouldn't believe how fast I zoom into the gym, slide my card, and motor to the dressing rooms when I go there. That plaque is overbearing! It should be at the police department instead of the gym! Oh wait! There is one at the police department! A big one! It's like she's watching me from the grave and warning me that she's not finished with her harassment.

An obvious way to avoid that self assured smirk of a smile of hers would be to just go to another gym, but guess what? CFC is the only full service gym in Coronado! Anthony goes to the gym regularly, and he hasn't complained once about the plaque. In fact, he started inviting me to the gym even more after the dedication. Sometimes he acts like the whole ordeal never happened, and other times, he drowns his sorrows in a bottle and it is all he wants to talk about. Long walks in the park were my escape when I couldn't bear to walk into the gym and try to avoid her face.

Dr. Branson, Lanita, invited Anthony and me to Coronado's Christmas with the Arts program. It was an invitation only event and quite a fancy affair. It was nice to get dressed up, go out, and hang with important people. Lanita's husband, Robert, is an orthopedic surgeon. They introduced us to all of their doctor and surgeon friends. We thought that we would go and be out of our element, but we went, we fit in, mingled perfectly, and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Robert, Lanita, and most of their professional friends were down to earth, and we got along fabulously. That night out was actually a breath of fresh air for me and Anthony because we had both been working nonstop to keep our...

Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: AuthorHouse
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2017
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 1546202811
• ISBN 13: 9781546202813
• Einband: Taschenbuch
• Anzahl der Seiten: 222
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: Nicht verfügbar
• Verantwortliche Person: gpsr@libri.de; gpsr@libri.de; ; Europaallee 1; Bad Hersfeld; 36244; Deutschland