Trapped in My Mind: Rescue Me - Softcover

L.P. MD., .

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1546224912 ISBN 13: 9781546224914

Verlag: AuthorHouse, 2018

Inhaltsangabe

The author decided to write Trapped in My Mind for herself and for others who have experienced disturbing moments in their lives. She underwent the most unpredictable and painful episode that a human being can go through. She hopes that sharing this experience with you will teach you and herself how to make a difference in the way people interact with one anotherthat together we will learn how to love and be compassionate and caring. However, she fears that all is gone now. What you are going to read is not a work of fiction, nor is it a love story. Its as real as the sky. In Trapped in My Mind, the author shares a very dramatic episode that recently happened to her. It is a treatise to societythat we must open our eyes and listen to the illness that might be lurking within and might hit us badly. If, through sharing, she can change how people perceive or judge just one person experiencing what she went through, she will have achieved her goal. This is why she is sharing her own story, sharing her mind. The events that transpire in Trapped in My Mind are real and have affected many lives, mostly the authors. When you see someone, anyone, wandering while talking to himself or herself, what do you think? What comes to your mind? Probably nothing. Or perhaps you just stare at the person. Maybe you even make fun of the person or just ignore the situation entirely. In truth, its a question that probably most of us dont know how to answer. When you have finished reading Trapped in My mind, you will probablythe author hopes, we will all probablybe able to better comprehend and learn how to react in any specific situation you might be involved in or witness along your path in life. We know so little about our minds and brains. But the author of Trapped in My Mind does know that the mind has a limitthat it cant take too much and continue to handle the situations we deal with on a daily basis. There are multiple ways to cope in life. Some people drink to forget. Others use drugs and so on to defend themselves, to protect themselves. But sometimes, the author would say that, more than we know, the mind shuts down perhaps because its the only way our minds know to manage a unique situation that could otherwise hurt us whatever that situation may be. The author was inspired to write Trapped in My Mind for those whove come out of just such a state of mindbecause they fought and they won. They were lost, and they found themselves. To all of you, she extends her sincerest congratulations and adds that you are strong and deserve the best of the best.

Über diesen Titel

Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

The author is a fifty-eight-year-old, divorced, female medical doctor. She is slim and very outgoing. Much of her life was raising here kids; she was mom, dad, and provider for about thirteen years. During those days, she felt strong and, many times, weak at the same time. She was struggling a lot to make a living for her family. She was literally working 24-7, living more in hospitals than in her house. She needed to be strong to survive. She never complained, believing that, in life, you need to do whatever it takes to make living worth it. She was just living day by day on her precious island full of amazing memories with hidden secrets; then everything changed. In those years, she was waiting for a phone call, waiting for few words: I want you back. It didnt happen. She knew that her children were at that age when they needed her most. Days and weeks passed quickly; time flew by. She did her best to give most of herself to her family and her career. She didnt realize that her insides were getting emptier and emptieruntil a time would come when she felt there was nothing left. She remarried a man whose career as a project manager required him to travel frequently. They both had careers with multiple responsibilities and made each other a promise that the author remembers dearlythat they would never live apart, no matter what. It was a promise that was never respected. At time of writing Trapped in My Mind, the author was actively working as a physician, or she was. She has been very grateful for my job and has always been very conscious about the responsibility of her career. She loves what she does for a living; its one of here passions. She has too much to give, too much to love. She used to enjoy the outdoors, dancing, and everything in a way that filled her days with energy. Since she was a kid, she would write here and there just for herself. This time, she will share a deep experience that recently crossed my path and probably changed her life forever. This situation occurred about a month prior to this writing, in May 2015.

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Trapped in My Mind

Rescue Me

By Luz Pratt

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2018 L.P. MD.,
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-5462-2491-4

CHAPTER 1

The Beginning

I was working out of state — to be more specific, Arizona. I was living in a nice hotel, the Residence Inn Marriott. The Arizonians were very open and talkative; I felt welcomed by them. I went to my training for this assignment, and it went well. I was excited to be starting a short-term job. It would last for about a month, so I would have new coworkers for a short period of time. By that time, my husband was again overseas, so I had chosen to travel. I didn't want to be alone anymore; there was too much of nothing and everything. So, I decided to travel

In Arizona, at the beginning, while driving my car, I started asking myself, Is this the right move? But I realized it was too late; I had already gone too far, and I would have to accomplish this assignment. In the beginning, I didn't know the roads. I guess that was normal, given this was my first time in Arizona. The first two to three weeks were not too different from my previous job. However, I will say that there were fewer hours of work. My patients had different illnesses. They needed to be taken good care of; they needed to talk and be listened to. I was excited because I knew that most diseases are not properly diagnosed, as people just hear but don't listen. My days went on with not too much change. I lacked sleep, as usual. I woke up every morning and started my routine — coffee, prayers, take a shower, get dressed, no breakfast (no time for that) jump in the rental car, and start my day.

Usually the days ran smoothly but were busy. I gave the best of myself with all the knowledge and love I could give. I never regretted the work, but again, there was not always time to have lunch. The day ended, and I got to the car and back to the hotel — to the loneliness, the empty room, with nothing and no one there.

However, as soon I was out of the work environment, strange feelings started filling my insides. I couldn't explain what was happening. Perhaps it was the loneliness, the lack of energy, feeling drained, and having no stamina at all. There was no life inside of me. I realized that I'd had these feelings for years, always masking them with a smile. The patients became family in my heart. Hi, Sir/ Ma'am. How can I help you? That was my introduction to each one of them.

In my personal life, I tried to give all of myself to my family. Those days were stressful; I needed to accomplish my mission in earth. I was living a life phase and wasn't paying too much attention to myself.

Looking back now, I realize that I had, indeed, been having those feelings and thoughts for years. I used to say, Tomorrow will be better; everything will feel normal. But what is normalcy? Nobody knows. Your body keeps moving forward, but your mind goes backward, stuck without any warnings. Did I ignore or deny some signs? Or did the necessity to keep working take my last drop of energy? These are questions that I still don't have the answer to and probably never will. You can run, but you can't escape.

CHAPTER 2

The Masks

I had lived alone for several years due to my husband's travels; my kids were growing, so I stayed behind. They grew up so quickly. My life then became bizarre; I didn't know where I belonged anymore. I had no expectations, no feelings. I needed love. Most of my life after that was spent in solitude in the woods in upstate New York.

Yes, we moved from my precious island to the states. I guess that's when my life started changing — started falling apart. In this new life, with new expectations, there were too many unknowns, too much of always hoping for the best.

I started a new practice, working long hours and long days. Again, I was always concerned that I didn't have enough time for my new family, much less myself.

Years passed with no change in my behavior. I changed masks every day. No one noticed my feelings; everybody was so busy demanding my presence.

My husband, on the other hand, traveled again and again. The eyes that I had fallen in love with were not as green now as I'd once thought them. We both had too much to hide; we were living different lives, and I no longer recognized this man. He was a stranger. I had no more memories; they were gone. There were no holding hands. I felt unloved, alone, and lost. I hadn't signed up for this.

I decided to change jobs, thinking that, perhaps, changes were always good. I was willing to create a new me with no more sorrows.

I started to travel, taking locum tenens positions — covering practices that were down doctors, covering doctors' vacations, or just filling in where extra help was needed. This was how I'd gotten to Arizona.

Another day ended, and I went back to my room. It would still be another four weeks before I'd made it to the end of this assignment. I continued with the same routine day after day — wake up, take a shower, get dressed, and jump in the car. Always I would be thinking, Another day but a different challenge. I was getting used to the surroundings already and no longer had to use the GPS to drive to work.

* * *

My husband decided to take a break and came to Arizona. We were together. We decided not to travel anymore and to start from scratch. We wanted to create new memories; we needed to start knowing each other again.

Our plans, however, didn't last. He stayed with me the first two weeks, and then he went back home. I felt disappointed, but again, I went with the flow. I was feeling like a loser. My instincts were telling me that something would go wrong.

I started feeling strange — different, lost, frightened, and abandoned. I wondered if perhaps this was the beginning of my death, the beginning of me slipping into a dark place.

* * *

Memorial Day weekend was coming soon. I was not excited, and I had no plans. I guessed it would be me and myself again. But something continued growing inside me; something strange was happening. Very gradually, I started hearing voices in my head; they were very real, talking to and about me. Scary, eh? I thought I might be suffering from exhaustion and sleep deprivation. I knew that was not a good thing. Plus, I was not eating well, which also might be the cause of these hallucinations. Throughout my entire life, I had always found excuses for or answers to all my concerns and issues.

Was I in denial? One thing was sure. I always kept these thoughts just for me. I never shared them. They were probably growing deep inside me.

I do remember weird dreams — dreams that were extremely vivid and real. I didn't know if they were real or not. I was scared. Frightening, strange dreams and issues came into my mind.

I started feeling sick and knew that I had an infection. I had fever, chills, and gastrointestinal symptoms that I ignored. I had to keep working, and there was no time for me. I was feeling weak and dizzy. That's when I started thinking that I should reach out for help. So, in my confusion, I decided to go to the hospital.

The hotel called the ambulance, and the EMTS arrived and took me to the emergency room. The hospital was just walking distance from the hospital, but I did not know that. The staff asked me questions, which I don't remember well. They did tell me that I was dehydrated, and I was given fluids and electrolytes. I also remember that the doctor found me anxious and wanted to give me something for the anxiety. I refused...

Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: AuthorHouse
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2018
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 1546224912
• ISBN 13: 9781546224914
• Einband: Taschenbuch
• Anzahl der Seiten: 108
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: Nicht verfügbar
• Verantwortliche Person: gpsr@libri.de; gpsr@libri.de; ; Friedensallee 273; Hamburg; 22763; Deutschland