Sleep Is for the Weak: The Best of the Mommybloggers Including Amalah, Finslippy, Fussy, Woulda Coulda Shoulda, Mom-101, and More! (Blogher Book) - Softcover

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1556527721 ISBN 13: 9781556527722

Verlag: A Cappella Books, 2008

Inhaltsangabe

Each month, more than half a million readers turn to the 25 mommyblogs featured in this collection for advice and a sense of camaraderie, and this anthology brings together their best and brightest essays, ranging in style from snort-Diet-Coke-out-the-nose funny to poignant and bittersweet. Written to be read during the mind-bogglingly short breaks parents get during their busy days, these pieces will help moms find solace in a wide range of viewpoints and issues not often discussed in mainstream magazines and other parenting books. From dealing with rage to negotiating sleeping arrangements to the frustration and joy of parenting a special needs child, this is the perfect read for the hip but harried mother that says "you are still you."

Über diesen Titel

Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Rita Arens is the author of the blog Surrender, Dorothy (www.surrenderdorothyblog.com) and a contributing editor to BlogHer (www.blogher.org). She has written for the Austin American Statesman, BurstBlog, Circle Magazine, and the Kansas City Star. Stacy Morrison is the editor in chief of Redbook magazine. She is the former executive editor at Marie Claire and editor in chief of Modern Bride. She was part of the launches of Mirabella, Condé Nast Sports for Women, and Time Out New York.

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Sleep Is for the Weak

The Best of the Mommybloggers Including Amalah, Finslippy, Fussy, Woulda Coulda Shoulda, Mom-101, and More

By Rita Arens

Chicago Review Press Incorporated

Copyright © 2008 Rita Arens
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-55652-772-2

Contents

Acknowledgments, 
Foreword, 
Introduction, 
1 NOT UNDERSTANDING THE RULES, 
2 NEVER SLEEPING AGAIN, 
3 DIAPERS, POTTIES, AND UPHOLSTERY, 
4 NEVER ENOUGH TIME FOR EVERYTHING, 
5 MOMMIES DON'T NEED MED SCHOOL, 
6 THE ANNOYING OUTSIDE WORLD, 
7 KIDS CAN BE DIFFICULT, 
8 MEMORIZE THESE MOMENTS, 
9 PERSONAL GROWTH BLOWS, 
10 THIS IS MOTHERHOOD, 
Index of Contributor Blogs, 

CHAPTER 1

Not Understanding the Rules

Whether or not we realize it, there are rules involved with being a parent. rules for how we'll discipline our kids, rules for how we'll behave in front of them, rules for how we'll interact with other adults, childless or childful. You think you understand them until that's your adorable offspring throwing a tantrum in a crowded restaurant, your child begging for candy in the checkout line, your best friend who's suddenly furious you canceled a dinner date with her because you haven't slept more than two hours a night in three weeks. It's only then that you realize: you never really understood the rules before.

WHEN TODDLERS RULE

Alice Bradley FINSLIPPY

Dear prospective parent,

Thank you for considering parenting me. As my current situation is somewhat wanting, I am, as you know, looking for a new arrangement. Below is a list of my demands.

I. FOOD

1. For BREAKFAST, there will be only MILK from my SIPPY CUP while watching TELEVISION (see section II).

2. From BREAKFAST until what you probably call LUNCH, I will be provided with an unending supply of cookies. No arguments.

3. For LUNCH, I will eat YOGURT. Anything with FRUIT ON THE BOTTOM will make me pick out the fruit and throw it on the ground, or else throw it up on your carpet.

a. So no FRUIT ON THE BOTTOM.

4. From LUNCH until DINNER, I enjoy having something to lick. Why not a LOLLIPOP? Why not seven?

a. Between licks, I may place the LOLLIPOP upon your grandmother's Turkish rug. This will be OK by you.

5. For DINNER, I will have MACARONI AND CHEESE. Any attempts to offer me vegetables in addition to the macaroni and cheese will result in TEARS.

a. And don't you dare hide anything in the cheese sauce, because my God, how you will RUE THE DAY.

6. After dinner, you may provide me with ICE CREAM.

a. No frozen yogurt — I know the DIFFERENCE.

II. TELEVISION

1. Will be on ALL THE TIME, unless I say differently. While watching TELEVISION, you are to sit by my side, quietly, hands folded in lap, whilst I enjoy my shows.

a. You may arise to fetch me a SNACK or a DRINK.

2. No DIAPER CHANGING or PLEAS TO ENGAGE IN PHYSICAL ACTIVITY will be tolerated during the watching of the TELEVISION.

3. Turning off of the TELEVISION will result in much SCREAMING.

III. TOYS

1. There will be many.

a. They will always be strewn about the house so that I may simply reach down and pick up a toy, no matter where I am.

b. They will be loud, complicated, and contain many small bits. I enjoy the SHOOTING NOISES that go w-shooooop or zim zim zim.

c. Nothing that results in LEARNING, please.

IV. FRIENDS

1. Should be available should I be in the mood to use someone else's TOYS or ingest someone else's COOKIES.

a. They may not ever so much as look at my toys or cookie supply.

b. Ever, ever, ever.

V. SLEEP

1. Is when I say, where I say, and how I say. If I want to sleep UPSIDE DOWN with my legs locked around your neck, then that's how it will be.

a. And you will enjoy it.

VI. AFFECTION

1. Occasionally I enjoy being hugged and kissed. I stress OCCASIONALLY.

2. I will not be pelted with wet-mouthed assaults on an hourly basis. Should you feel the need to HUG or KISS, you must provide me with a written request, and then wait for me to offer you my pudgy cheeks.

3. Should I feel the need to be HUGGED and KISSED or SERENADED by my original "parents," I reserve the right to call them and have them come over, just for the HUGGING and the KISSING and maybe a SONG.

a. After that, it's vamoose, bozos, you had your chance.

THE THINGS THEY NEVER TOLD ME

Izzy Dean IZZYMOM

On numerous occasions in the past six years, I have pondered the curious nature of the clubs to which I now belong, which are the parenthood club and the motherhood club. I'm not even really sure that "club" is the right word. Maybe "secret society" is more befitting. I say that because until you join these clubs, there are things that you will not know and that nobody will ever dare tell you.

For example, when you ask someone how they are enjoying their new status as a parent or how they like having a new baby, they never ever tell you that it's ass-kickingly hard work and that you will never, ever own your life again, or that you will be dead tired for the first year, particularly if you're the mother. No, they tell you all the good stuff. It's wonderful. They're so fulfilled. They can't imagine their lives without their child. It's all good! And then they start working on you to join the club.

Now, I'm not saying that all those good things about parenthood aren't 100 percent true for me. They are. But honestly, it's kind of like false advertising to not share some of the downsides if someone is asking you about it. But they never do! And it's not just limited to the experience of having a new baby. Nooooooo! They hold out on all sorts of important things that would have helped me immensely.

An example? OK, how about hemorrhoids? I mean, sure, they briefly mention the H word in that book that everyone gets when she's pregnant for the first time. But nobody tells you the cold, hard truth about them, which is that once you have them, it's entirely possible they'll never go away.

Nor do they tell you that if your husband is at your side during delivery he might actually see you get your hemorrhoids. Yeah, I know, it's really funny when it's not you! But see, that's what happened to me. And then a nurse counted them for me. "You have one, two, three, four little hemis!" My God, she made them sound so darn cute. But seventeen months later? They're not so cute, and I've pretty much given up all hope of those adorable little guys ever vacating my utterly humiliated butt.

See, they make you think they're gone, and then one day you're very innocently doing your business without any excessive pushing (because I'm now well trained in how not to poop), and you feel that familiar prickly sensation and you know they never really left.

As if the "hemis" weren't bad enough, there's the whole incontinence issue. Seriously, I have never, ever been told or even gotten the impression that pushing out a baby is going to very possibly make you leak pee for the rest of your life whenever you sneeze, cough, get up off the floor too quickly, or jump on a trampoline. Nobody tells you that!

I honestly thought that all those Serenity and Poise pad commercials were for senior citizens, and I'd be all, "Why do they have these attractive young women in the commercials? That's so stupid!" Seriously, I thought that shit was for...

Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: A Cappella Books
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2008
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 1556527721
• ISBN 13: 9781556527722
• Einband: Taschenbuch
• Anzahl der Seiten: 224
• Herausgeber: Arens Rita
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: Nicht verfügbar
• Verantwortliche Person: Nicht verfügbar