Solve Employee Problems Before They Start: Resolving Conflict in the Real World - Softcover

Warrick, Scott

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1586446290 ISBN 13: 9781586446291

Verlag: SOC FOR HUMAN RESOURCE MGMT, 2019

Inhaltsangabe

With compassion, clarity, and conviction (and a dash of comedy for good measure) popular speaker and employment law attorney Scott Warrick distills conflict resolution to just three simple moves: Empathic Listening, Parroting, and Rewards (EPR). Because no one can use their EPR skills unless they can control themselves, he also shows you how to become an Emotionally Intelligent communicator, as mental toughness is a critical component in resolving conflict. The formula is simple: if you can control yourself, you can learn and master EPR skills to resolve any conflict in any situation -- and build durable trust with others, in your personal life and throughout your organizations, along the way.

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Scott Warrick has been an employment and labor attorney, HR professional, and professional speaker for more than three decades. His clients range from small privately-held organizations to Fortune 500 companies to governmental institutions. He travels the country presenting seminars on such topics as Employment Law, Resolving Conflict, Diversity, and Generational Differences among other topics.

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Solve Employee Problems Before They Start

Resolving Conflict in the Real World

By Scott Warrick

Society for Human Resource Management

Copyright © 2019 Scott Warrick
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-58644-629-1

Contents

Foreword, 
Introduction, 
Chapter 1 Why Emotional Intelligence?, 
Chapter 2 Neurology of Emotional Intelligence, 
Chapter 3 The Godfather Effect, 
Chapter 4 What Are Verbal Jeet "Kill Strikes"?, 
Chapter 5 The Three Styles of Communication, 
Chapter 6 Kill Strike #1 = EPR: Empathic Listening, 
Chapter 7 Kill Strike #2 = EPR: Parroting, 
Chapter 8 Kill Strike #3 = EPR: "Rewards", 
Chapter 9 The Verbal Jeet Coaching Process, 
Endnotes, 
Bibliography, 
About the Author, 
Other SHRM Titles, 
Books Approved for SHRM Recertification Credits, 

CHAPTER 1

Why Emotional Intelligence?

THE WISDOM OF THE DALAI LAMA AND RED FORMAN

Whenever I look to someone for wisdom and guidance, I often think of His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama, the spiritual leader of the Tibetan people. I then think of the great American philosopher and smartass father Red Forman from That '70s Show.

My favorite quote from the Dalai Lama is: "Bad action gives rise to misery."

I then turn to Red.

In one episode, Red discovers that his son, Eric, has been cheating on his girlfriend, Donna. When Red presses Eric on why he cheated on Donna, Eric says, "Look, it's just that all these things always happen to me. It's like I have bad luck or something." To that, Red replies, "Son, bad things don't happen to you because you have bad luck; they happen to you because you're a dumbass."

Not a day goes by where I am not inspired by Red's sound advice.

For instance, I was thinking about the Dalai Lama and his American counterpart, Red Forman, while having my car washed on a beautiful summer day. I drove down to the local car wash, left my car with the attendant, and went inside to wait while it was being washed. While I was sitting there editing a new training program, a large older man came walking into the office. He was in his mid-60s, about 6'3? tall, had thick gray hair, and was really mad.

Apparently, he had just retired. As a reward to himself for making it all the way to retirement, he bought himself a brand-new Cadillac. It was a beautiful bright red with a cream-colored rag top. It was gorgeous. Earlier that day, however, he had apparently brought his brand-new Cadillac to the car wash and, somewhere in the process, his beautiful new car got scratched.

Now, at this point, you need to ask yourself a very important question: "Does he have a right to be angry?"

Absolutely! They scratched his new Cadillac, a prized and very expensive retirement present. He had every right to be upset and angry. But think about it for a minute: what does the man want to happen now? What does he want the car wash to do about his damaged car? Clearly, he wants the car wash to fix his Cadillac. But remember: "Bad action gives rise to misery," and "Son, bad things don't happen to you because you have bad luck; they happen to you because you're a dumbass."

So, let's see how the man went about getting what he wanted.

Because he was justifiably mad, he clearly felt that he had every right to act however he wanted. He stormed into the car wash and saw the skinny, minimum-wage-earning, red-headed clerk sitting on the other side of the checkout counter. The man instantly started yelling, screaming, and cussing at the little clerk, who was probably no more than 18 years old.

Now, considering the fact that the clerk behind the counter is human and has just been attacked by this massive older man, he naturally became very defensive. It was then his turn. I mean, getting paid minimum wage is just not enough to put up with all this, right?

The clerk instantly started yelling, screaming, and cussing right back at the guy. And, just so he could top the old man, the clerk threw in a few disparaging remarks about the man's mother. Well, with that little dose of gasoline thrown on the fire, the situation ratcheted itself up yet another notch. Now the man really went off into a blind rage. It was bad enough that the car wash scratched his car, but for this clerk to swear back at him was inexcusable.

"I mean, how dare you treat me the way I just treated you!" was basically what the man was saying to the clerk.

It was now this man's turn to up the ante even further. He escalated the situation by pounding his massive fist down onto the clerk's counter, knocking over the little air freshener display. With that, the clerk saw that the man was turning violent. So, he ratcheted up the confrontation one more notch: he called the police. Within a matter of minutes, the police were there. By then, of course, the angry man had put himself into a full-blown tizzy. In fact, he continued to slam his fist against the counter and wave his arms through the air as the police tried to question him.

I promise you, that is never a good idea when the police are trying to talk to you.

The police promptly arrested the older man and took him away.

Now, can't you just see this guy sitting in his jail cell about 30 minutes later, after the excess adrenaline had drained from his body and his heart rate had slowed back down, thinking: "What happened? It's such a nice day. I'm retired. I got up and went to the car wash, and now I am in jail. What happened?" This was clearly a bad situation made worse by an emotional hijacking.

• Did the man have a right to be upset and angry? Yes.

• Was it important for the car wash clerk to know that he was upset, angry, and wanted this situation corrected? Absolutely.

• Did he have a right to scream, cuss, and slam his fist onto the counter? No!

It was at this point that the angry man's emotional system took control over his body and bad things happened. Are emotions a good thing? Is anger a good thing? Absolutely, but can you keep your ego and emotions in balance with your logic while you are engaged and trying to resolve a conflict?

In 349 BC, Aristotle wrote in his book Nicomachean Ethics, "Anyone can get angry — that is easy ... but to do this to the right person, to the right extent, at the right time, with the right motive, and in the right way, that is not for everyone, nor is it easy." This was true over 2,000 years ago and it is still true today.

The man at the car wash had every right to be angry, but was he angry:

• With the right person? No. What could the clerk do for him? Nothing. This was an issue for the owner or manager.

• To the right degree? No way! He went way over the top. It is fine to get angry, but he needed to remain in control. Going Neanderthal on someone you are mad at is never a good idea.

• At the right time? No! He should have been more aware of his rage and come back later. He was not self-aware and lost it, all to his detriment.

• In the right way? No! Yelling, cussing, and hitting the counter in such a violent manner is never a good idea.

• For the right purpose? Yes. His purpose was to get his car fixed, but I also suspect another purpose at work was to make the car wash employee pay emotionally for damaging his car and to show the car wash who was boss. This is clearly an uncontrolled ego and emotional problem.

Logically, the man knew all of this, but he was not acting logically. He had been...

Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: SOC FOR HUMAN RESOURCE MGMT
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2019
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 1586446290
• ISBN 13: 9781586446291
• Einband: Taschenbuch
• Anzahl der Seiten: 226
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: Nicht verfügbar
• Verantwortliche Person: Nicht verfügbar