Parenting Project: Build Extraordinary Relationships with Your Kids Through Daily Conversation - Softcover

Alamar, Amy; Schlichting, Kristine

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1592338542 ISBN 13: 9781592338542

Verlag: Quarto Publishing Group USA, Inc., 2018

Inhaltsangabe

In a world full of many influences, The Parenting Project shows you how, through the practice of daily conversation, to maintain influence in your child's life.

Are you losing the influence game with your children? If you want to direct your child's growth, then they need to get to know you. In The Parenting Project, parenting experts Dr. Amy Alamar and Dr. Kristine Schlichting show you how to talk with your children on a regular basis to gain their trust. In a time when kids have many things vying for their attention, you want to become the go-to person, the one they turn to the most for advice and comfort. 

Sometimes it's difficult to speak with your children about serious subjects. That's why The Parenting Project teaches you how to make a habit of it, providing you with prompts to help start potentially difficult conversations across a broad range of subjects that apply to everyday life. The authors have divided these conversations into five categories to inform your approach—Heart-based, Uncomfortable, Dangerous, Character, and Brave—because each type requires different strategies and "conversation starters." The book includes story after story of how parents have built extraordinary relationships with kids through the act of talking with one another, day by day.

With some help from Dr. Alamar and Dr. Schlichting, it will be become easier to open up conversations with (rather than at) your children so that when the big questions arise, your child will turn to you first.

Über diesen Titel

Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Amy Alamar, EdD, has worked in the field of education as a teacher, teacher educator, researcher, parent educator, and education reformer for over fifteen years. In her role as a teacher, Amy has taught elementary school, middle school, high school, and served as an adjunct professor teaching curriculum design. She has conducted significant research in the areas of constructivism, conversation, engagement in learning, utilization of multimedia in education and student stress.

Amy is also a contributor to the Disney parenting website, Babble.com and a family resource specialist at Yellowbrick.me. Amy worked as the Director of Learning and Instruction at Gooru, designing and implementing digital curriculum for K–12 schools. Previous to that, she served as the Schools Program Director for Challenge Success at Stanford University where she oversaw programming for member schools and conducted professional development for middle and high school faculty and parent education presentations.

As an educational consultant and speaker to parent and faculty groups, Amy focuses on a wide range of parenting topics including student stress and wellbeing, raising digital natives in the information age, and parenting kids with character. She also conducts faculty development workshops that focus on engagement with learning, professional communication, and curriculum design. She was an invited guest of Michelle Obama at the White House for a conversation about kids’ health in 2016.

Amy is the mother of three children and resides in Avon, Connecticut, where she serves on the board of the Avon Education Foundation, dedicated to promoting and enhancing excellence in education.

You can learn more about her at www.amyalamar.com.

Kristine Schlichting, PhD, is an innovator, entrepreneur, expert problem solver, and change agent fusing together the principles of psychology, neuroscience, coaching, and wellness. She is the Chief Psychologist and CEO of Hopewell Health Solutions, a multi-disciplinary psychology group practice in Glastonbury, Connecticut.

Over the past ten years, Dr. Schlichting has “broken the box” of traditional talk therapy to develop a new model (i-Therapy™) for change, which is based on recent developments in neuroscience. Brain-based i-Therapy™ is active, dynamic, and collaborative; this therapy requires intervention, practice, and collaboration.

She holds degrees from the University of Wisconsin-Madison and the University of Connecticut. “Dr. K,” as she is fondly known by her clients, is a fierce advocate committed to helping all children and adults reach their fullest potential. She is also a mother to a child with dyslexia, dysgraphia, ADHD, and learning disabilities, so she understands firsthand the struggle many parents face.

You can learn more about her at www.hopewellhealthsolutions.com.

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The Parenting Project

Build Extraordinary Relationships with Your Kids Through Daily Conversation

By Amy Alamar, Kristine Schlichting

The Quarto Group

Copyright © 2019 Quarto Publishing Group USA Inc.
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-59233-854-2

Contents

Foreword by Kenneth R. Ginsburg, M.D., M.S. Ed., 9, 
Introduction, 13, 
PART I: I TALK YOU TALK: From the Casual to the Difficult, 16, 
Chapter 1: GETTING TO KNOW YOU, 19, 
Chapter 2: TYPES OF CONVERSATIONS, 37, 
Chapter 3: MAKING THE PROJECT WORK, 51, 
Chapter 4: CONVERSATION STARTERS AND STRATEGIES, 65, 
PART II: LET'S TALK: Common Concerns That Come Up Every Day, 82, 
Chapter 5: OPENING HEART-BASED CONVERSATIONS, 85, 
Chapter 6: NAVIGATING UNCOMFORTABLE CONVERSATIONS, 107, 
Chapter 7: BRAVING DANGEROUS CONVERSATIONS, 125, 
Chapter 8: NURTURING CHARACTER CONVERSATIONS, 147, 
Chapter 9: FOSTERING BRAVE CONVERSATIONS, 169, 
Conclusion, 191, 
Suggested Resources, 194, 
About the Authors, 196, 
Index, 198, 

CHAPTER 1

GETTING TO KNOW YOU

"Can I talk to you?" my daughter asked one evening as I was finishing a work email. I didn't think much of it and said, "Sure." Then she said, "In private?" Uh-oh. I could feel my heart beating, hear the throbbing in my ears. What did I do? What did she do? What's wrong?

While my daughter happily participates in conversations, she rarely initiates them — and this sounded serious. I needed to finish my email but I was having trouble focusing. We went to her room and she sat on her bed and looked at me, eyes wide. We just sat.

Eventually, she shared that she had thought she'd done well on a few tests and assignments but that her scores were not what she wanted. She was disappointed in herself. I sat there, relieved. I care about her grades, but I was ecstatic that she cared about her grades. And I was thrilled that she came to me. "Okay," I responded. "What can I do?" A parent's natural instinct is to jump in and fix a problem, but I soon realized that I didn't need to do anything. I just needed to be there with her and help her think through her next steps.

In parenting, the goal is to raise an independent adult, and it's often hard to keep that in mind when you're in the midst of it, dealing with an adolescent. We want kids to do their own thing, take risks, and find themselves — however, we would prefer that they do it the way we want. But following parents' instructions every step of the way is not what growing up is about. While kids will not take the path we set out for them every time, we can still remain a strong influence in our children's lives. The best way to keep your influence in your child's life is to stay connected.

PUSHING BOUNDARIES

When you think back, how do you remember the experience of growing up? What were your concerns? Whom did you go to for advice or to talk things through? If you went to your parents, why? What solidified your relationship and how did they maintain that trust with you? Do you and your child have a similar trusting relationship? And if you didn't go to your parents, why not? What was the barrier? Have you created a similar barrier with your child? How can you start to break it down?

A child's job as she grows up is to push boundaries and try new things. We should expect kids to make poor choices and do things we'd prefer they not do. Our job is to keep calm and carry on. So when your child acts out, makes a mistake, or gets caught red-handed, it's your job to understand that her behavior is likely not a personal stab at you but rather part of the process of growing up. And while it's your job to help your child see the error of her ways by establishing logical consequences, be sure to talk with her about her decisions and their ramifications. This conversation provides her with context and understanding, and sets her up to make a different decision next time — or to at least better understand her choice and its likely outcome. During conversations about choice-making, acknowledge your child's feelings and perspective — her concerns, anxiety, anger, sadness. What drove her decision?

Teens and tweens often experience strong emotions that they are not prepared to handle in the moment. So acknowledge their feelings and realize that understanding does not mean you have to celebrate the emotion or the decision that resulted from it. Rather, you are showing your child that you are trying to understand where she is coming from.

Acknowledgement doesn't mean you have to refrain from punishing your child if she has transgressed. For example, if your daughter was angry and took the car out after curfew to blow off steam, then she should face the consequences — perhaps she should lose car privileges for a set period of time. But the consequence comes after you've discussed her feelings, her decisions, and healthy alternatives. The goal is to open a conversation so you can better relate- so you can understand why she reacted as she did and she, in turn, can understand why you are upset by her behavior.

If you develop a habit of conversation, you will maintain influence in your child's life, and she will have the opportunity to see things through your eyes. Sure, she will make up her own mind, but she will have the benefit of your perspective. We all come to conversations with our own unique viewpoint — and so do our kids. You might think you're simply making small talk, but then all of a sudden you're in a full-on debate. Don't assume your child agrees with your political or social views, and don't be surprised when your child argues vociferously about something that doesn't matter all that much to you.

Examine your own hopes, fears, concerns, and motivations so you have insight into your approach. Getting to know ourselves and our kids is the best start to understanding how we deal with conversations. Use the parent-child interview questions later in this chapter to share your views and experiences and to get to know your child. You'll start to notice patterns in your interactions, and you can use those patterns to replicate what works well and to adjust what doesn't. For example, if you tend to approach conversations with an open question and your child responds, continue doing that. And if you start conversations with a strong opinion and your child shuts down quickly, try a gentler tactic.

TACKLING THE PROJECT

If you want to be an influencer in your child's life, you need to invite your child in and listen to him. We can't just tell our kids our values, we need to illustrate where our values come from and share the stories that fostered those values. In establishing a strong bond with your children, you increase the chance of them coming to you with the good, the bad, and the ugly. You want them to celebrate their wins with you and share their funny experiences, but you also want them to come to you when the going gets rough.

When we are in the midst of a discussion, especially a heated or emotional one, we can overthink and overreact — or we may underthink our response, suggesting we are not as invested in the topic at hand. While you're trying to balance overthinking and underthinking your next decision, your tweens and teens are defining themselves in every moment, also overthinking and underthinking their decisions.

At the same time, adolescents are trying to hold steady in the face of all the emotional and physical changes they are experiencing, as well as handle intense peer...

Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: Quarto Publishing Group USA, Inc.
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2018
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 1592338542
• ISBN 13: 9781592338542
• Einband: Taschenbuch
• Anzahl der Seiten: 202
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: Nicht verfügbar
• Verantwortliche Person: gpsr@libri.de; gpsr@libri.de; ; Europaallee 1; Bad Hersfeld; 36244; Deutschland