First Lady Escapes, The: FLOTUS Flees the White House - Softcover

Speeks, Verity

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1789042089 ISBN 13: 9781789042085

Verlag: John Hunt Publishing, 2018

Inhaltsangabe

President Rex Funck is a loutish, lying old bully whose affairs have deeply hurt his stunning wife Natalia, a former model from Slovakia. Now he wants to get her pregnant so voters will see him as a macho stud and re-elect him in a landslide. Natalia despises Funck too much to go through with it. With the help of Angel, her gay Mexican hairdresser and BFF, she secretly flees the White House. To take her place they leave Moon, a ballsy trans woman who impersonates FLOTUS at a Miami drag-queen show. Natalia's suspenseful escape becomes a personal journey of self-awareness with unexpected twists and outrageous characters. Meanwhile, when the truth comes out about Moon at the White House, all hell breaks loose. In The First Lady Escapes: FLOTUS Flees the White House, Natalia proves herself a true American hero by saving her beloved adopted country from getting Funcked. 'A rippingly funny and surreal lampoon, the comic relief we so desperately need from the twisted absurdity of our current political horrors. It will leave you gasping with laughter and Trumpetized all at the same time.' 'I can't stop laughing! I'm buying a hundred copies to pass out at the next Women's March!'

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Verity Speeks was inspired to write The First Lady Escapes: FLOTUS Flees The White House because of the outrage, frustration and helplessness she has felt since November 8, 2016, when a meteor with a bad comb-over struck the earth and caused devastating consequences that continue to wreak havoc.

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The First Lady Escapes

FLOTUS Flees the White House

By Verity Speeks

John Hunt Publishing Ltd.

Copyright © 2018 Verity Speeks
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-78904-208-5

Contents

Prologue, 
The White House: December 15, 11:31 p.m., 
Part I: Two Weeks Earlier, 
Chapter 1 New York City, December 1, 2:00 p.m., 
Chapter 2 New York City, December 1, 2:30 p.m., 
Chapter 3 New York City, December 1, 2:45 p.m., 
Chapter 4 New York City, December 1, 4:00 p.m., 
Part II: Two Weeks Later (Continuous with Prologue), 
Chapter 5 The White House, December 16, 12:25 a.m., 
Chapter 6 The White House, December 16, 7:00 a.m., 
Chapter 7 The White House, December 16, 8:00 a.m., 
Chapter 8 The White House, December 16, 11:00 a.m., 
Chapter 9 The White House, December 16, 12:00 p.m., 
Chapter 10 The White House, December 17, 1:30 a.m., 
Chapter 11 The White House, December 17, 8:00 a.m., 
Chapter 12 The White House, December 17, 8:30 a.m., 
Chapter 13 The White House, December 17, 9:00 a.m., 
Chapter 14 The White House, December 17, 10:30 a.m., 
Chapter 15 The White House, December 17, 10:45 a.m., 
Part III, 
Chapter 16 The White House, December 17, 11:15 a.m., 
Chapter 17 Highway West of Washington, D.C., December 17, 12:00 p.m., 
Chapter 18 Washington, D.C., December 17, 1:00 p.m., 
Chapter 19 The White House, December 17, 3:00 p.m., 
Chapter 20 Washington, D.C., December 17, 5:00 p.m., 
Chapter 21 Knoxville, TN, December 17, 10:00 p.m., 
Chapter 22 Washington, D.C., December 17, 11:00 p.m., 
Chapter 23 The White House, December 18, 1:30 a.m., 
Chapter 24 Between Nashville and Jackson, TN, December 18, 2:00 a.m., 
Chapter 25 The White House, December 18, 2:15 a.m., 
Chapter 26 Between Jackson and Memphis, TN, December 18, 3:30 a.m., 
Chapter 27 The White House, December 18, 3:00 a.m., 
Chapter 28 The White House, December 18, 3:15 a.m., 
Chapter 29 Dallas, TX, December 18, 10:00 a.m., 
Chapter 30 Azusa, CA, December 18, 11:00 a.m., 
Chapter 31 El Paso, TX, December 18, 12:00 p.m., 
Chapter 32 The White House, December 18, 3:00 p.m., 
Chapter 33 Tucson, AZ, December 18, 6:00 p.m., 
Chapter 34 The White House, December 18, 7:00 p.m., 
Chapter 35 Near the Mexican Border, CA, December 18, 10:00 p.m., 
Part IV, 
Chapter 36 San Diego, CA, December 18, 10:30 p.m., 
Chapter 37 Rosarito Beach, MX, December 19, 2:00 a.m., 
Chapter 38 Washington, D.C., December 19, 9:00 a.m., 
Chapter 39 Rosarito Beach, MX, December 19, 6:00 a.m., 
Chapter 40 San Diego, CA, December 19, 11:30 a.m., 
Chapter 41 The White House, December 19, 2:00 p.m., 
Chapter 42 San Diego, CA, December 19, 2:00 p.m., 
Chapter 43 Mexico--U.S. Border Crossing, CA, December 19, 3:30 p.m., 
Chapter 44 Mexico-U.S. Border Crossing, CA, December 19, 3:32 p.m., 
Chapter 45 Tijuana, MX, December 19, 4:00 p.m., 
Chapter 46 Rosarito Beach, MX, December 19, 5:00 p.m., 
Chapter 47 Rosarito Beach MX, December 19, 8:00 p.m., 
Chapter 48 Ensenada, MX, December 19, 10:00 p.m., 
Part V, 
Chapter 49 Rosarito Beach, MX, December 20, 3:00 a.m., 
Chapter 50 Ensenada, MX, December 20, 3:30 a.m., 
Chapter 51 The White House, December 20, 6:30 a.m., 
Chapter 52 Rosarito Beach, MX, December 20, 7:00 a.m., 
Chapter 53 Rosarito Beach, MX, December 20, 8:00 a.m., 
Chapter 54 The White House, December 20, 12:00 p.m., 
Chapter 55 Helicopter over Baja, MX, December 20, 1:00 p.m., 
Chapter 56 Middle of Nowhere, Baja, MX, December 20, 4:00 p.m., 
Chapter 57 The White House, December 20, 9:00 p.m., 
Chapter 58 Middle of Nowhere, Baja, MX, December 20, 7:00 p.m., 
Chapter 59 The White House, December 20, 10:30 p.m., 
Chapter 60 Middle of Nowhere, Baja, MX, December 21, 12:00 p.m., 
Chapter 61 The White House, January 21, 8:00 a.m., 
Epilogue, 
Los Angeles Convention Center: August 5, 8 p.m., 

CHAPTER 1

New York City

December 1, 2:00 p.m.

Natalia peered out of the smoked bulletproof window of the black Escalade as it crept through snow-day traffic on Madison Avenue. The SUV stopped at a red light on Fifty-Ninth street. She glanced at the holiday decorations in a window of Barney's. Four white plastic robots in sequined party dresses formed an awkward chorus line, their sleek white plastic legs thrusting into the air, their shiny white plastic heads wagging from side to side. Their faces lacked eyes, ears, and noses. The only indication that the robots were feminine was their exaggeratedly plumped red lips, each pursed in a pout. Natalia touched her own Juvederm-swollen lips and realized that they were tightly pressed together, like theirs. Nothing to smile about, she thought. Like the plastic robots, I'm just going through the motions. She hoped that her visit today in New York would motivate her to get off her Slovak zadok.

The light turned green and the SUV continued up Madison Avenue, past Celine, Givenchy, and Valentino. She sighed wistfully. Before she became the First Lady, she could pop into any one of these designer boutiques without causing pandemonium among the hedge-fund wives and brand-crazy Chinese shoppers who worshipped there. The female store managers welcomed her with double air kisses. The gay male store managers kissed her hand, admiring the 15-karat emerald-cut diamond engagement ring that hugged her diamond wedding band.

Fourteen years ago, the opulent De Beers diamond ring hadn't been a surprise. Rex didn't like surprises, but he loved publicity. So before giving her the engagement ring, he flashed it to the press. "It's worth $3 million," he bragged. "But I got a great deal! Just like I got a great deal on Natalia!" Everyone knew that he was referring to the ironclad prenup that she was forced to sign before their wedding.

Natalia glanced down at the diamond. It glinted in the light from the backseat TV screen that was tuned to The Ellen DeGeneres Show, the sound muted. She stroked the stone with her index finger, imagining that she was rubbing a magic lantern and a genie would pop out. She pictured the genie looking like Ellen: boyish, perky, eager to grant her every wish. She only had one: to disappear from the White House and from President Rex Funck's life. She would happily give the genie her ring if her wish were granted.

Not that Ellen needs a 15-karat diamond ring, she thought. And not that I can get it off my finger. She twisted the platinum band, but it was too tight. She couldn't work the engagement ring or the wedding band up over her swollen knuckle. It was as if she were shackled to the multi-million-dollar rings, like she was shackled to Rex Funck.

Natalia shuddered, remembering the morning a few weeks ago when Rex had summoned Dr. Abraham Steinberg, Ob-Gyn, to the White House. "He's a Jew," Rex said, as if that added to his reputation as America's leading fertility expert. "When it comes to medicine and money, Jews work miracles." She had no choice but to meet with the aged, hunched-over doctor. She knew that President Rex Funck only heard the word "no" when it came out of his own mouth.

The White House butlers had wheeled an examining table, complete with stirrups, into her bedroom. Without saying a word, the doctor examined her inside and out and then signaled for her to turn onto her side. "You have a mole on your right buttock," he muttered as he positioned himself behind her. "Very odd, but it...

Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: John Hunt Publishing
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2018
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 1789042089
• ISBN 13: 9781789042085
• Einband: Taschenbuch
• Auflage: 1
• Anzahl der Seiten: 392
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: Nicht verfügbar
• Verantwortliche Person: Buchbär; info@buchbaer.de; ; Weberstr. 67; Osnabrück; 49084; Deutschland