When Your Pet Dies: A Guide to Mourning, Remembering and Healing - Softcover

Wolfelt, Alan

Softcover

ISBN 10: 187965136X ISBN 13: 9781879651364

Verlag: Companion Press, 2004

Inhaltsangabe

Affirming a pet owner's struggle with grief when his or her pet dies, this book helps mourners understand why their feelings are so strong and helps them overcome the loss. Included are practical suggestions for mourning and ideas for remembering and memorializing one's pet. Among the issues covered are understanding the many emotions experienced after the death of a pet; understanding why grief for pets is unique; pet funerals and burial or cremation; celebrating and remembering the life of one's pet; coping with feelings about euthanasia; helping children understand the death of their pet; and things to keep in mind before getting another pet.

Über diesen Titel

Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD, serves as director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition. He writes the "Children and Grief" column for Bereavement Magazine and has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show, Larry King Live, and Today. He is the author of Healing Your Grieving Heart, Healing a Teen's Grieving Heart, and Understanding Grief. He lives in Fort Collins, Colorado.

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When Your Pet Dies

A Guide to Mourning, Remembering, and Healing

By Alan D. Wolfelt

Center for Loss and Life Transition

Copyright © 2004 Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-879651-36-4

Contents

Also by Alan Wolfelt, 
Title Page, 
Copyright Page, 
Dedication, 
Epigraph, 
INTRODUCTION, 
PART ONE - MOURNING, 
PART TWO - REMEMBERING, 
PART THREE - HEALING, 
A FINAL WORD, 
THE PET LOVER'S CODE - TEN INALIENABLE RIGHTS AFTER THE DEATH OF A SPECIAL COMPANION ANIMAL, 
RESOURCES, 
ALSO BY ALAN WOLFELT, 

CHAPTER 1

PART ONE

MOURNING

Your beloved companion animal has died. I am so very sorry for your loss.

Your grief is a journey that started on the day that your special pet died. Actually, if your pet was sick or in declining health before she died, your grief was set in motion when you first understood that the illness would result in death.

An important distinction to keep in mind as you read this book is the difference between grief and mourning. Grief is the constellation of internal thoughts and feelings we have when someone we love dies. In other words, grief is the internal meaning given to the experience of loss. Mourning is when you take the grief you have on the inside and express it outside of yourself. Mourning is the outward expression of grief.

In Part One of this book, you will learn not only about common thoughts and feelings of grief after the death of a pet, but ways to mourn those thoughts and feelings, as well. Over time and with the support of others, to mourn is to heal.

The capacity to love requires the necessity to mourn

When a pet dies, you may feel the loss very strongly. You may feel overwhelmed by the depth of your sadness. Others, especially those who have never experienced the joy of giving and receiving love from a pet, may not understand your feelings of loss. They may even imply that you are overreacting.

If you take away only one piece of counsel from this book, let it be this: Your feelings are what they are. The fact that you are having these feelings means you need to have them. Never shame yourself over feelings of love and loss.

The second piece of counsel I hope you take from this book is that you need to express your feelings. The outward expression of grief, or mourning, is how you externalize those thoughts and feelings and ultimately, integrate them into your life.

If your grief feels very painful and debilitating, your brain might be asking your heart why this is so. Following are a few of the main reasons that our beloved companion animals are so important to us.

AN HISTORICAL PERSPECTIVE

The strong bond between people and animals is not a recent phenomenon. Actually, it dates all the way back to ancient times. Archeologists have discovered prehistoric gravesites that prove that people were often buried with their dogs. The early Egyptians thought so much of their cats that when a beloved cat died, the owners shaved off their own eyebrows to acknowledge the loss. This was a way to let others know they were in mourning and needed support. So, as you mourn your pet, remember — people have always loved their pets and mourned their deaths.

Pets are part of our families

Most pet owners I know consider their pets part of their families. A recent survey showed that at least a third of dog owners consider their dogs to be family members. I'd guess that the actual number is much higher.

How do our pets come to be considered a part of our families? Well, we not only love our family members, but we're concerned about their well-being. We make sure they receive good medical care and eat good food. We encourage them to get exercise. We give them comfortable places to sleep. Sound like your pet so far?

With family members, we also enjoy their presence in our everyday lives. We come home glad to see them and they to see us. We look forward to spending time with each other. When we're with them, no matter where we are, we're "home."

Of course our beloved pets are part of our families.

Pets delight in our company

We pet lovers sometimes call our pets "companion animals" because they are, in fact, our companions. In fact, the majority of dog owners (68%) and cat owners (61%) say that companionship is the main reason they have a pet. You could even say that our pets' very purpose is to spend time with us and simply "be" with us.

Not only are our pets our companions, but they also help meet our need for physical contact. How many companions in our lives do we routinely hug and hold and kiss? Compared to the physical intimacy we experience with a partner and the physical closeness we might share with our children, our use of touch with our pets is often as or more frequent. We touch our pets and they seek out our touch. We are comforted, calmed, and grounded when we stroke them or they lie next to us. When death separates us from our pets physically, we mourn not only the loss of a companion, but a companion whose touch was central to the relationship.

HOW MUCH DO WE LOVE OUR PETS?

• 95% of dog owners hug their dogs daily

• 85% of cat owners play with their cats daily

• 45% have taken their dogs on vacation

• 29% have celebrated their cat's birthday

While I was unable to find similar statistics for horse owners, bird owners, etc., I'm sure they would be equally telling of our love for all our companion animals.

Pets are part of the ritual of our days

Because pets are part of our families, they are an important part of the ritual of our days. If your special pet was an indoor animal, you may have awoken with the pet near you and expressing his affection for you each morning. All pets require nourishment; you may have begun your day by feeding your pet — perhaps before you fed others in your family or even yourself! (My pets get fed before I even make my coffee in the morning.)

Grooming and exercising your pet may also have been a regular part of your routine. And it is likely that your pet's presence played other, subtler (but just as important) parts in your day. Maybe your dog always sat at your feet while you read the newspaper. Perhaps your horse greeted you with a fond whinny when you walked out to get the mail each day. Maybe you spent some time in affectionate play with your pet every evening.

A horse called Starlight Moon

Kirby's story

She had a white star on her forehead, a pretty sorrel color to her coat, and because she was born under a full moon, I named her Starlight Moon. Since my childhood on a Wyoming ranch I had always wanted to raise a foal of my own and as an adult I finally got the chance with Starlight.

One day, Starlight hurt her leg. I took her to the veterinary hospital and after spending several thousand dollars on tests, X-rays and nerve conduction studies, I found out she had a radial nerve palsy with at least a possibility of recovery. Even if she could never be a sound horse, maybe she could be a broodmare, I reasoned. Twice daily for months I removed her splint, performed physical therapy on her leg and redressed her leg. It was very time-consuming, but she whinnied at me each time I came and seemed to appreciate the time we spent together. She was always cooperative, even when the therapy was not pleasant. Eventually I was able to wean her to smaller and smaller splints until she was able to stand and walk...

Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: Companion Press
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2004
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 187965136X
• ISBN 13: 9781879651364
• Einband: Taschenbuch
• Anzahl der Seiten: 96
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: preigu GmbH & Co. KG; mail@preigu.de; ; Lengericher Landstr. 19; Osnabrück; Niedersachsen; 49078; Deutschland