Out of Harm's Way: A Parent's Guide to Protecting Young Children from Sexual Abuse - Softcover

Wurtele, Sandy K.

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1884734979 ISBN 13: 9781884734977

Verlag: PARENTING PR INC, 2010

Inhaltsangabe

This frank study authoritatively and objectively examines the heinous crime of child sexual abuse, explaining how, far from being the stereotypical “dirty old man” or pedophile, many child molesters aren’t so easy to detect. Without resorting to scare tactics or jargon, abuse prevention expert Sandy Wurtele describes how community members and extended family members might groom a child for abuse, gradually increasing the inappropriateness of physical contact. The straightforward information provided in this book will help parents increase their awareness of such grooming and discuss it with children.

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Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Sandy K. Wurtele, PhD, is a psychologist and professor in the department of psychology at the University of Colorado-Colorado Springs. She directs the undergraduate program and chairs the Institutional Review Board for Human Subjects. She is the author of Off Limits! A Parent's Guide to Keeping Kids Safe from Sexual Abuse and Safe Connections: A Parent's Guide to Protecting Young Teens from Sexual Exploitation. She lives in Colorado Springs, Colorado.

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Out of Harm's Way

A Parent's Guide to Protecting Young Children from Sexual Abuse

By Sandy K. Wurtele

Parenting Press, Inc.

Copyright © 2010 Parenting Press, Inc.
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-884734-97-7

Contents

Introduction, 
ONE How to Recognize Sexual Abusers of Children, 
TWO Personal Safety at Home and While Out and About, 
THREE There's No Place Like Home ... for Talking About Sexuality and Body Safety, 
FOUR Keeping Your Children Out of Harm's Way, 
Conclusion, 
Resources, 
Index, 

CHAPTER 1

How to Recognize Sexual Abusers of Children

We all have ideas of what a molester looks like. Images of a "dirty old man" or creepy-looking stranger waiting to snatch some unsuspecting child come to mind. But these "evil" or "dirty old" men stereotypes are dangerous myths. By being vigilant only for creepy-looking men, parents may overlook the people who are much more likely to commit sexual abuse.

The biggest myth about CSA is that most molesters are strangers to the child. Instead, an abuser is much more likely to be someone the child knows, including relatives, family friends, and people in positions of trust and authority. Only ten percent are strangers.

Abusers can be relatives as close as siblings, parents, grandparents, or step-parents (known as incest). Abusers outside the family are often in positions of authority over the child — members of the clergy, baby-sitters, school personnel, medical or mental health professionals, scout leaders, or day care providers.

While it is true that CSA is mostly perpetrated by males, females also sexually abuse children. And abusers are rarely older adults. Instead, onset of CSA offending peaks at two times — the first during adolescence and the second during the thirties, when adults have access to children (in their own families or place of employment). Also be aware that older children and teenagers (boys and girls) sexually abuse younger children, including their siblings and children in their care (for example, while baby-sitting).

Images of molesters as criminals or homeless people are also incorrect. People who sexually exploit children often lead two lives — a respected public life and a hidden private life. Recent news reports have highlighted "shocking" cases of prominent, respected people (including priests, politicians, and teachers) who have been arrested for sexually abusing children. People are shocked because they have assumed that because of these people's public behavior or position in the community, they would never sexually abuse children.

The most important fact to remember about child sexual abusers is that they can be anyone. In the vast majority of cases, the abuser is somebody the child knows and trusts and who has power and authority over the child. Being an authority figure doesn't depend on the person's age or gender, but is based on a child's perception that the person is "in charge" of, or more powerful than the child. Molesters misuse and exploit their power and authority to persuade a child to comply with their sexual requests.

How to Spot a Potential Abuser

It's impossible to identify sexual abusers based on their outward appearance, position in the community, public behavior, or their relationship to a child. They do, however, give us clues through their behaviors — actions that reflect a sexual interest in children.

Most abusers carefully select their victims and then go through a process of emotionally and physically "grooming" them. Through the grooming process abusers gain children's trust, obtain their sexual compliance, and maintain their silence. Be aware — not all abusers groom children. Exceptions include random acts of violence by adults not known to the child and when bullies, one child or teenager or a group of children, perpetrate sexual abuse upon a child.

Recognizing the Phases of Grooming

Phase 1: Selecting a child

Some abusers place themselves in settings that offer easy access to children. Schools, churches, sports clubs, homes, and youth organizations offer many opportunities for abusers to gain access to children.

Abusers often hold positions of authority in these settings; these positions allow them to be alone with a child. Engaging a child in sexual activities requires privacy, and in most cases of CSA the abuser is alone with the child. In cases of parent-child or sibling incest, abusers are already in a position of authority and select one or more of the children in the family to molest.

In her riveting autobiography, Miss America by Day, former Miss America Marilyn Van Derbur describes how her prominent and well-respected father sexually violated her for 13 years, starting when she was five. She referred to herself as the "Night Child," as the abuse always occurred at night, when she was alone in her bedroom.

Other abusers target children who go places such as movies, malls, game centers, or parks by themselves. Some pick young boys who go alone into public restrooms, as this convicted molester described: "A great place to hang out is in a toilet in a kiddies' hamburger-type restaurant. Little boys, especially, go into the toilets alone and they aren't expecting someone to try to touch them."

This guy is an example of a "snatcher," who molests a child when he's alone in the wrong place at the wrong time. But in most cases, a person who wants to use a child sexually needs to develop a relationship with the child so the two can have ongoing contact. These abusers move into Phase 2.

Phase 2: Building a relationship

After selecting a particular child, perpetrators work on building a special friendship with that child. Over time (weeks or months), they become "best friends" and spend most of their spare time socializing alone with their "best buddy." In one study, children described their relationships with their abusers by saying such things as "He was like my buddy instead of my stepfather" and another reported that "We were really good friends, best friends." Molesters are experts at bonding with a child and using the friendship to manipulate the child into meeting their sexual needs.

How do they manipulate a child? Molesters often spend lots of time talking and listening to children, encouraging them to share their worries or problems. Another ploy is to give children gifts — movie tickets, music, jewelry, cell phones, clothes, or money — all with the hope of getting something in return.

In his book, Sexual Abuse of Children and Adolescents, William Prendergast describes Louie, a maternal uncle who lived with and supported nine-year-old Julie and her mother after the father deserted the family. Uncle Louie first befriended Julie, taking her to parks and amusement areas and buying her gifts almost daily. Julie's mother trusted her brother implicitly and was thrilled to see the two developing such a close relationship.

To gain access to a child, some perpetrators outside the family groom the child's parents by posing as a nice, trustworthy, or safe person. Here, a music teacher described how he groomed children and their parents: "When a person like myself wants to obtain access to a child, you don't just go up and get the child and sexually molest the child. There's a process of obtaining the child's friendship and, in my case, also obtaining the family's friendship and their trust. When you get their trust, that's when the child becomes vulnerable, and you can molest the...

Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: PARENTING PR INC
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2010
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 1884734979
• ISBN 13: 9781884734977
• Einband: Taschenbuch
• Auflage: 1
• Anzahl der Seiten: 32
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: Nicht verfügbar
• Verantwortliche Person: Nicht verfügbar