The Couple's Guide to Thriving With ADHD - Softcover

Orlov, Melissa; Kohlenberger, Nancie

Softcover

ISBN 10: 193776110X ISBN 13: 9781937761103

Verlag: Specialty Press, Incorporated, U.S., 2014

Inhaltsangabe

More and more often, adults are realizing that the reason they are struggling so much in their relationship is that they are impacted by previously undiagnosed adult ADHD. Learning how to interact around ADHD symptoms is often the difference between joy together and chronic anger and frustration. So The Couple’s Guide to Thriving with ADHD lays out the most important strategies couples can use – right now – to rebuild trust, fight less, disagree more productively, get the attention they deserve, and rebuild intimacy in their relationship. These are strategies honed over years of working specifically with couples impacted by ADHD, and demonstrated to change lives for the better. ‘Thrive’ is the go-to book for couples struggling with ADHD who want to actively work to improve their relationship.

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Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Melissa Orlov is a marriage consultant who helps ADHD-affected couples and also teaches marriage counselors and other professionals about effective marriage therapy for couples impacted by ADHD. She is the author of The ADHD Effect on Marriage and Married to Distraction, writes for ADDitude Magazine, and blogs for Psychology Today and at www.adhdmarriage.com. She speaks internationally on the topic of how adult ADHD impacts relationships, and has been interviewed on the topic of ADHD and marriage by numerous outlets, including CBS, CNN, the New York Times, Today, US News and World Report, and Women’s Health. She lives in Wayland, Massachusetts. Nancie Kohlenberger, LMFT, is a psychotherapist and an ADHD adult relationship coach. She lives in Newport Beach, California.

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The Couple's Guide to Thriving with ADHD

By Melissa Orlov, Nancie Kohlenberger, Steve Robb

Specialty Press, Inc.

Copyright © 2014 Melissa Orlov and Nancie Kohlenberger, LMFT
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-937761-10-3

Contents

Foreword by Ari Tuckman, 
Acknowledgments, 
Couples, Emotions, and ADHD, 
Diagnosis, Treatment and the Two of You, 
Tomato/Tomahto – Overcoming Communication Issues, 
Can't You Just Lighten Up?! Anger in Your Relationship, 
Is It Finished Yet? Navigating Chores, Tasks and Life Balance, 
Who's In Charge of What? Rebalancing Your Relationship, 
Warmth, Intimacy and Feelings of Love, 
Index, 

CHAPTER 1

Diagnosis, Treatment and the Two of You

"Lacking self-control robs you of free will. This is one of the most tragic consequences of ADHD. You might think that you're doing what you desire. Yet if you can't inhibit your behavior, you miss out on the delay between an event and your response. That delay is essential: It gives you the chance to think. Even more critically, that delay empowers you to choose freely."

— Russell Barkley

Treatment is one of the first things couples think about when they discover one or both of them has ADHD. But managing ADHD is complex, as there is no one-size-fits-all treatment. Because of this complexity, our information about treatment can be found in two different places. This chapter provides a concise overview of what we think you need to know about optimizing treatment of ADHD. With this knowledge you can move on to the good stuff — creating a happy relationship.

Our second resource is the Overview of Treatments for Adult ADHD on Melissa's website (www.adhdmarriage.com). This site provides more in-depth information about specific treatment options and issues. Moreover, it is updated regularly and includes numerous links to important online information.

Because we are not medical doctors, Dr. Edward Hallowell and Dr. John Ratey graciously agreed to review and approve this chapter. They are practicing psychiatrists and co-authors of Driven to Distraction and many other books on ADHD. Hallowell and Ratey are two of the world's leading medical experts on ADHD.

* * *

HOTSPOT 1

Confusion about Diagnosis and Treatment

With no proven physiological tests for ADHD at this time, getting the right diagnosis is something of an art form. Clinicians must assess:

• Whether or not the cluster of symptoms and behaviors clearly indicate ADHD

• Whether these symptoms might be something else (such as bipolar disorder) that looks similar to ADHD

• If ADHD (if it exists) is complicated by coexisting conditions, such as anxiety, depression or sleep disorders

Diagnosis is just the very beginning of what is typically a longer-than- expected journey on the way to creating a thriving relationship. As this journey unfolds, it is typical that non-ADHD partners suffer from anxieties and pose questions related to the repetitive nature of entrenched ADHD symptoms. For example, while observing their partner's slow progress at managing ADHD symptoms, they might wonder, Is my partner really dedicated to this? If so, why isn't he working harder to address his ADHD? As understandable as these feelings and uncertainties are, they miss the larger point. People with ADHD have trouble getting organized and following through. That's part of having ADHD. Since, by definition, those with ADHD have trouble getting organized, it is a cart-before-the-horse challenge for them to be organized enough to get a diagnosis and then put effective treatment in place. The process can be frustrating for both partners — particularly early on.

But let's start at the beginning — with the diagnosis. If you wish to skip to treatment information, go to page 18.

ADHD partner: I've just found out that I probably have ADHD. Figuring out what to do next just seems completely overwhelming. Can you give me some ideas of where to start?

ADHD partner: Are there physical tests I can take instead of having a psychological evaluation? I'm 55 and may have trouble recalling childhood memories. I may also have a hard time coming up with specific examples that help me answer the questions.

A psychiatrist, psychologist or primary care physician familiar with ADHD is your best resource for an ADHD diagnosis. In some areas you'll find the local expert is a pediatric psychiatrist, whom you may wish to contact. Expertise with ADHD is what you should seek, as ADHD can be tricky to diagnose accurately because it often is accompanied by other conditions such as anxiety or depression that can obscure it. In addition, other conditions such as sleep apnea, bipolar disorder, undiagnosed celiac disease, or a very hectic and overscheduled life can superficially mimic ADHD. Ask your doctor how often she diagnoses and treats ADHD to make sure she will be good at teasing apart the various diagnostic options.

If your current physicians don't have the expertise to diagnose ADHD, there are some other resources available to find help. These include:

• CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder), a national organization that keeps a small online database of professionals in the field of ADHD. In addition, and often a better bet, local CHADD chapters may keep a list of local resources. Contact the chapter nearest you to see if it has such a list.

• The short but growing referrals list at www.adhdmarriage.com.

• The PsychologyToday.com online database. This site is large and allows you to search by zip code and insurance plan. Make sure to call and ask if the person you find genuinely has expertise in ADHD. Many in this database have checked the "treats ADHD" box along with a long list of other options, suggesting they are not specialists in ADHD.

• Your local school district or learning disabilities group, which often knows of professionals in your area.

• A Google search of "ADHD diagnosis in (your state or city)" or "ADHD doctors in (your state or city)." The search may help you find resources worth exploring. For the sake of evaluation, avoid any resources you find that tout "alternative approaches" or that aren't licensed. You can assess these alternative resources for treatment later, once you know whether or not you have ADHD.

• The online database at GoodTherapy.org. Although the "expert search" is somewhat hidden, this site does provide useful information. At the time of this printing, you must go to www.goodtherapy.org then choose "find a therapist," then the "advanced search" tab. Finally, click on "concerns" and choose "Inattention, Impulsivity & Hyperactivity: (ADHD)." To refine your search, choose a state before clicking "search."

• ADHD-specific clinics. Some major medical centers, such as Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston and Mt. Sinai Medical Center in New York City, have these. Check your local hospital.

• Clinics that specialize in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. These clinics may also know of local diagnosticians.

A good diagnosis will include a look at your personal and family history, your medical issues and, possibly, your marital concerns. You will be asked questions to understand whether or not you qualify for a diagnosis as established in the diagnostic manual (known as the DSM-5).

Your...

Details zur Ausgabe

• Verlag: Specialty Press, Incorporated, U.S.
• Erscheinungsdatum: 2014
• Sprache: Englisch
• ISBN 10: 193776110X
• ISBN 13: 9781937761103
• Einband: Taschenbuch
• Anzahl der Seiten: 240
• Kontakt zum Hersteller: Nicht verfügbar
• Verantwortliche Person: preigu; mail@preigu.de; ; Lengericher Landstr. 19; Osnabrück; 49078; Deutschland