You have said "we should pray about it" more times than you have actually prayed about it.
Not because you don't want to. Because the moment you're both sitting there and it's time to actually do it, one of you prays and the other says amen, and it's over in nine seconds, and neither of you says the thing you were really thinking about.
It's easier to pray for him alone in your car than it is to pray with him in his living room. Everybody knows that and nobody says it.
So this one has you write it down first.
Forty days, each one a two-page spread. On the left page you write, alone, in about five minutes. Short lines, always prompted, nothing to stare at. What you're praying for the two of you today, and one question that day asks you specifically, the kind he couldn't answer on your behalf.
Then you're together, or you're on the phone, and you read the right page out loud. There's a prompt you say to each other and a prayer already written out, so on the nights the words won't come, you just read it. The awkward part is the improvising. This takes the improvising away.
It gets to the things you keep circling. Jealousy. The ex nobody mentions. His family. Money. The fact that one of you is further along in faith than the other. Where the lines actually are. Whether this is the person. The book asks first, so you don't have to be the one who brought it up.
And there's a page at the back most journals don't have. Every prayer you wrote gets a line, and when something lands, you go back and date it. In four months you will read that page and see what you forgot you ever asked for.
Forty days, not fifty-two weeks. Two or three times a week is enough. Miss a week and nothing is ruined, you just open the next one.
It is not a marriage book, and it does not assume you're engaged.
Write it tonight. Say it tomorrow.
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