When You Know It's Over: Why Men Stay Too Long — and How to Leave Without Destroying Everything - Softcover

Dylewski, Philippe

 
9798195404468: When You Know It's Over: Why Men Stay Too Long — and How to Leave Without Destroying Everything

Inhaltsangabe

You already know.

Not officially. Not yet. But somewhere between the coffee made out of reflex every morning and the nights when you don't really sleep anymore, you know.

This book is not for men looking for a reason to leave. They already have one.

It's for those who dream of somewhere else and are still here.

Why do men stay in dead marriages? For the children, they say. For financial reasons, sometimes. Out of generosity toward a woman who doesn't deserve this. These reasons are real. They are also, for the most part, presentable ways of not naming what is actually happening.

When You Know It's Over introduces four male profiles you will recognize — perhaps in others, perhaps in yourself.

The Procrastinator knows exactly what he wants to do. He's just waiting for the right moment. The right moment never comes, which is convenient.

The Saboteur doesn't leave. He makes himself unbearable until she's the one who leaves. That way, it's not his fault.

The Martyr Accountant stays out of generosity, he says. He tallies every sacrifice with the precision of a Swiss accountant. He suffers visibly. He hopes someone notices.

The Permission Ghost won't leave until another woman gives him permission. He's waiting for that permission. Sometimes he gets it. Often he's still waiting.

Drawing on thirty years of research in social, behavioral, and clinical psychology, this book examines the mechanisms that keep men in situations they have already left internally. Gottman on emotional withdrawal. Kahneman on loss aversion. Baumeister on unmade decisions. The research says what it says — and it is rarely flattering.

No therapy, no tribunal.

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