Abused, Conquered, Alive is a touching memoir of the effects of abuse and the hope that victims might be able to find peace. Author Mary Proctor Reed talks about the different types of abuse she experienced as a child and as an adult. She also chronicles the life she lived as an adult-as a loving wife and mother. She explains the forms that abuse can take and how each person can conquer the abuse and take back his or her life. The good news is that there is life beyond the abuse, and it is within the reach of each victim. The author shares poignant memories of her husband, Mike, and his devastating fight with melanoma skin cancer along with the challenges they faced in their marriage. As a pastor, Mike had to minister to many different people while struggling with his disease for eleven years. Author Reed takes us through the last hours of his life and the feelings of shock as the realization that he was gone took hold of her. She offers hope to all who have experienced abuse and the understanding that even when we feel conquered, through God's love we can live and love again. By reading Abused, Conquered, Alive, those who have suffered abuse can find hope and faith again.

Auszug. � Genehmigter Nachdruck. Alle Rechte vorbehalten.

Abused, Conquered, Alive!!!

By Mary Proctor Reed

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright � 2012 Mary Proctor Reed
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4759-5269-8

Abused, Conquered, Alive!........................................ixPreface..........................................................xiii1—Don't Die................................................12—The Battle with Melanoma Skin Cancer.....................113—Pregnant.................................................194—Abort this Baby..........................................295—An Angel.................................................416—Raped....................................................497—Died.....................................................538—Given up to Die..........................................679—Angelic Beings...........................................7510—The Fight to Stay Alive.................................8911—Conquered...............................................9312—It Hurts too Badly......................................10313—Dreams and Angels.......................................10714—The Fear of Homelessness................................10915—Poverty.................................................12316—Too Young to Die........................................13917—College and Work........................................15518—Home....................................................16519—Dead....................................................18120—911.....................................................19321—Thoughts to Ponder......................................207Dedication.......................................................223

Chapter One

Don't Die

"Daddy, don't die!"

"Daddy, please, don't die!"

Rachelle cried in terror, as she sat on her daddy's bed next to his pillow frantically watching her big sister, Mary Michelle, help as I gave cardio pulmonary resuscitation to their daddy, Michael, the love of my life.

For the last few years Michael was being eaten up with melanoma cancer. It started out as a little dark brown mole in the middle of his back. Then there was a place that was as big as my hand, if my fingers were spread out that was in the middle of my husband's back, which was where skin and tissue had been removed to save his life.

Skin was taken from a place on one of his thighs, and grafted onto his back to cover up the place where the skin and tissue was gone. The doctor talked to me that said if Michael had not gotten the surgery when he did, within six weeks he might have died.

Throughout the next couple of years, Michael had melanoma skin cancer taken off several areas of his body. Then the melanoma cancer showed up inside of his organs. When he went to the toilet, both urinating and pooping it was red with blood.

After Michael was in the intensive care area of the hospital for a few days, he got to come home. Then he went through a series of chemotherapy treatments that caused him to get weak and very sick to his stomach. He was nauseated and he threw up, so often, that he got to where he would cry real easy. And he was in constant unbearable pain.

Friends came to our home and prayed for him, but he kept on getting sicker. At the same time he was depressed, and he lost his appetite, so he started losing weight.

Then my husband was signed up with hospice, because the doctor said that Michael might only have a few days to live, or a few weeks to live. Although, I never gave up on my husband, and I felt like he would be well and strong again, and he would live, for a long time.

But my husband died!

The young hospice nurse told everybody that was at our home on Lake Ridge Road in Danville, Illinois, to go home, because it was after midnight, and Michael needed to be able to sleep. Ina, the hospice nurse that was in charge of his care would come over, and see my husband in the morning.

And this young hospice nurse would not let anybody listen to me that my husband was too sick to be at home. She said that I was just a nursing student without any experience, and she was an experienced registered nurse with hospice.

She thought that Michael was going to be all right, and that he would still be here in the morning. And she even went to the extent of saying that she promised Michael would still be here in the morning. Then the young hospice nurse made a sign over her heart in the form of a cross, that she was sure that everybody could go on home, and get a good night sleep, because Michael would still be alive in the morning.

He was having trouble breathing, but the hospice nurse got him to take morphine that was prescribed for pain. So she said that he would start breathing better and relax, and then after he got a good night sleep, he would be all right in the morning.

After everybody left our home from seeing Michael, my little daughter, Rachelle, went to bed, and she was so exhausted from all of the company staying so late that she went right to sleep. And we were encouraged that the hospice nurse was so confident that Michael would be all right, after he got to sleep that night.

I stayed in our bedroom and got ready for bed. And I was still very worried about my husband, so I kept my eyes on him, as I prepared myself to go to bed. And of course, I was going to sleep in our bed with my husband, as usual.

Michael was still breathing, and I thought he was going to sleep, so I thought it would be a good time for me to use the restroom that was close to our bedroom, where he was lying on our bed.

I was in the restroom, for maybe ten minutes, and I was brushing my teeth, as I walked back into our bedroom to check on my husband. And I was very much surprised to see Michael looking at me, because he had his eyes closed the entire time that his family and the pastor, and the hospice nurse were at our home.

So I was excited to see that my husband was looking at me, because he had a big smile on his face. And he put his hand up toward me, and motioned for me to come to him.

I quickly put my toothbrush down that I was brushing my teeth with when I was checking on Michael, and hurried over to him. And I thought he wanted me to make love with him, because he was smiling the way he did when we would decide to make love.

So I ran to our bed, and jumped up on our bed, and I was looking at him all of that time. But then his hand fell down on the bed, and I realized that he was not breathing, anymore.

And I looked into Michael's eyes and saw that he had no sparkle in them, and they looked like marbles that had lost their polish.

Then I very quickly rushed towards my husband, and put my face close to his face to see if he was, maybe, breathing real shallow like. But he wasn't that I could tell, so I panicked!

I cried out loud into my husband's face, "Mike!"

And I was right beside my husband, with my face and my lips close to his, hoping he would acknowledge me.

And, I cried out again to my husband because I wanted him to somehow show me some kind of expression, or any kind of life!

I loved and still do love my husband, and he needed to respond to me! But Michael did not breathe, or move, or anything!

So, I quickly placed one of my hands on my husband's forehead and pushed his head back, as I was lifting his chin up with my other hand the way I was taught how to give somebody breaths who was not breathing.

And I quickly placed my mouth on Michael's mouth, and I forced out a long slow breath as best I could. Then I forced out...

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