CHAPTER 1

INTRODUCTION

You all have purchased many Bridge Books and found most of themimpossible to use effectively. The most useful thing I did with one ofthem is when I killed an irritating fly at the Philadelphia Bridge NationalChampionship last year. Why is this bridge book different from all otherbridge books in the rest of the world? This sounds like the start of theSeder on Passover!

First because we will Pass Over (get it?.... Matzo, Jews, Sand, Moses,Red Sea.... you know) all the bridge hand examples and little testsand try to educate you to learn an easy, effective bridge bidding systemby yourself or with a willing, loving partner. Passover celebrates whenthe Jews were led out of Egypt by Moses. 5000 years ago the Jews didn'tplay bridge, eat Chinese food or have nose jobs for that matter. Theydidn't even have a bridge. If they did, Moses wouldn't have asked forGod's help to part the Red Sea; they would just have built a bridge andshortened the entire biblical story. I know those are different bridges!The Alterman Big Club will try to build a bridge from bridge to sex andfun. What Moses had was lots of people; all Jews, much like many bridgeclubs in Palm Beach County. Not all South Florida bridge players areJews, except in Palm Beach many are. In spite of the concentrated numberof Jews, it's pretty safe to play bridge in Palm Beach. Somehow you don'tsee a large number of terrorists playing bridge. I wonder why? Maybeit's the need for some terrorists to pray so oft en which would interruptfour hour bridge tournaments and long boring bridge lessons. Maybe it'sdifficult and uncomfortable sitting so long at bridge tables with bombsstrapped to your waist. Who knows? So we are dealing with a safe, sexysubject, bridge. Even though safe from terrorists, bridge and love forthat matter are dangerous battlefields containing mines, IEDs and otherbooby traps. The author has navigated these war zones for the last halfcentury providing innovative military solutions in Electronic Warfare,Stealth, Information Operations to Cyber and Counter-Cyber security.He has taken this unique expertise and blended successful KISS (Keep ItSimple Stupid) principles from the defence industry to bridge and socialnetworking to sex. As his old cold war adversary, Adm. Gorshkov of theSoviet Union Navy oft en said, "Better is the enemy of good enough". Stanputs this important concept to work in bridge and love as effectively as heturned it against the now defunct Soviet Union. Seduce your adversaryinto your "Fog of War" and avoid his attempts at the same thing to you.

The bridge techniques developed by the author over the last five yearshave been demonstrated in Club, Country Club, regional and nationalevents and vetted with a large variety of bridge masters. The concept ofThe Big Club was further tested by teaching a small group of AdmiralsCove bridge players the ABC system and successfully competing in ahigh quality Interclub League team of eight IMP competition with seasonwins four of five years and one playoff second place. The system works!

You will take the core principles presented in The Alterman Big Club andbuild your own system or just play it as presented for more fun, masterpoints and hopefully encounters with the opposite sex, or the same sex ifthat turns you on. To quote active long term bridge and sex player MaeWest, "Good sex is like good bridge, if you don't have a good partner, you'dbetter have a good hand." The corollary to Mae West's wisdom is that "Ifyour hand is so good that you don't care about your partner, the resultwon't be very interesting." Mae proved that you can still play bridge intoyour eighties and beyond and have good sex without your children gaspingin horror when they find out that seniors have and talk about orgasms. Iwas going to call this book "52 Cards of Play", trying to ride the successfulsex wave of "50 Shades of Grey" but my publisher, a lovely lady with acute giggle, married, and probably very sexy, told me she preferred my"Big Club" title.... and imagine that, we have never even met. Maybe shetalked to my girlfriend? I cannot pass up "50 Shades of Grey" and the nexttwo books in this steaming trilogy without my learned technical analysis.(I am a Doctor and qualified to discuss this subject.... OK a Doctor ofEngineering). No, I'm not off the bridge track. "50 Shades of Grey" has 20Million readers and that number is exponentially growing. These readersare mostly women and the quantity of readers is about the same as thenumber of bridge players in the USA. There are 175,000 USA tournamentplayers and at least 12 Million social players in this country and 5 to10 times that many around the world or over 100 Million bridge geeks.The readers of "50 shades of Grey" are generally smart, successful, strongwoman who fanaticise about male dominance in a modern woman's libworld where they have proudly turned men into wimps. Now they wonderwhat they are missing. The "Big Club" has a similar audience potential.Bright woman and men, successful, many living alone that fantasize whatit would be like in bed with other bridge players who on the outside seemlike a bunch of nerds but inside.... who knows?

Second, you will learn to love The Big Club and pass it on virally toeveryone you know or meet to spread the gospel (a little religion inbridge is OK since prayer is a big part of the game). Unlike sex, bridgehas no communicable diseases limiting the drive to get better andbetter by playing with anyone, even total strangers. In addition, the TenCommandments has nothing negative to say about bridge. Maybe wecan contribute just a bit to saving the world's great game that is currentlydying because it doesn't connect with the young and young at heart. AskBill Gates who is throwing millions at the game to stem the tide. Alongwith his dear friend, Warren Buffett, both avid bridge players and two ofthe most successful businessmen of our time, they learned that bridge isthe great equalizer and one of the great things in their lives. Buffett claimsthat playing bridge is so intense that a naked girl passing by might notattract his attention. That could be his age and the need for Viagra butbridge players can vouch for the intensity and excitement of the game.Once you know the basics of the game, bridge is very straightforwardyet unbelievably complex; so complex that computers have not beenable to master...