CHAPTER 1

Let's Have a Baby

Tosh and I were married on July 17, 2010. It was a beautiful,albeit scorching hot, day in the Okanagan Valley. We had a smallwedding, with just our closest family and friends. The ceremonywas short and sweet, and the reception was just what we hadimagined—a great party with the people we loved.

Being 26 when we married, we were one of the last couples inour group to take the plunge. Before our big day, we extensivelydiscussed children, and we decided that there was absolutely noway we would have children or even attempt to get pregnant inour first year of marriage. All our other married friends had gottenpregnant before their first anniversary, and we didn't want tofollow the trend. That's not to say it is a bad thing to have kidsright away; it just wasn't for us. Things are different now. Couplesdate a lot longer before they are married (Tosh and I were togetherfor four and a half years before we said I do). They live togetherand, in the case of most of the couples we know, already ownhouses. So, it is the natural progression of events to marry andstart having kids right after your walk down the aisle. Having justbought a house and a puppy the year before we were married,we felt that that was enough for the time being. We were goingto travel, save money, and enjoy ourselves a bit before being tieddown to children.

All of our plans changed a short three months later, when mywonderful friend Terri took her own walk down the aisle. Toshand I learned that day that when you are at a wedding, thingshappen to you. The singles find themselves desiring that feelingof falling in love, the unmarried couples have a sudden urge tobe as blissfully joined for life as the bride and groom are, andapparently, the married-and-childless suddenly want to be marriedwith children. So that was how we immediately went from being awe'll-wait-a-year-or-two couple to being a let's-have-a-baby-right-nowcouple.

Shortly after Christmas 2010, I went to the doctor to have aphysical, just to make sure that I was in good health and okay totry to conceive. The doctor did a quick internal exam and, lo andbehold, saw something that he thought indicated the possiblebeginnings of a pregnancy.

I—often to my own detriment—have a very overactiveimagination. I also have an uncanny ability to convince myselfof nearly anything. If I were ever part of a pharmaceutical test, Iwould definitely be the patient who the placebo worked for. Myhusband actually jokes that I have the most powerful mind in theworld when it comes to convincing myself of things.

I told my family that my doctor thought I was pregnant. Istopped drinking coffee and alcohol immediately; I also stoppedeating processed meat, unpasteurized milk products, and anythingelse that I had heard might harm a growing baby.

A few days after my appointment (and the day before myperiod was due), off I went to get a dreaded blood test. Yes, evenat my age I'm terrified of needles! For a girl who tends to faint atthe thought of giving blood, I thought I did pretty well. I lay down,which I have to do for all blood tests, counted backward from 10,stayed lying down for a few minutes, and then dragged myself upand out of the lab—feeling rather proud of myself for being sucha tough cookie. Then I fainted in the elevator on the way down tothe first floor. Well, of course, my overactive mind began to wonderwhat would happen to the possible little fetus developing insideme as a result of this fainting spell. I hounded my doctor's poorreceptionist until my blood results came in.

That was my first mistake. While I did have slight levels of hCGin my blood, the levels were too low to be considered a viablepregnancy. What I had would later be referred to as a "chemical"pregnancy.

So, if I am going to provide any tips at all, here is tip #1: Evenwhen actively trying to get pregnant, don't jump the gun ontesting. Wait until you have missed your period by a couple ofdays.

Chemical pregnancies are rather common, and you only setyourself up for heartbreak if you see a positive result and then haveyour period arrive the following day. On the other hand, if you testearly—even using one of those amazing baby-mind-reading teststhat can detect hCG five days early—and it is negative, you maybe setting yourself up for heartbreak of an entirely different kind.Though you may see a negative result, it might simply be becauseyour levels are not high enough yet to show on the test.

My heart was broken. I had been so excited at the thought ofbeing pregnant, and even better, I had worked out my possible duedate, and it was two days before my birthday. I had been born twodays before my mom's birthday, so I had already worked it all outin my head that I would have a girl and it would be a full-circle sortof deal. I had had this planned from the time I was fairly young.But, unfortunately, my period had come, a mere two days late. If Ihad not had the check-up, I would never have even known it wasthe start of a pregnancy.

CHAPTER 2

Joy for Another

Two weeks after the slightly late arrival of my period, I had a dayoff from work, and I was getting ready to go out with my mom.Just as I was about to leave, my phone rang. It was Chelsey calling,a strange occurrence in the middle of the afternoon on a weekday,but I didn't think much of it. I barely had a chance to say hellobefore my sister's voice came down the line.

"We have some news," Chelsey said.

"You're pregnant!" I said. Sure enough, she was. Eight weeksin, she and her husband had just come from their first ultrasound,where they had been able to catch a glimpse of their soon-to-befirst child, their daughter Libby.

It is hard for me to properly express what I felt when I heardthis news. I was...