Behind the Mask Adolescents in Hiding
Sprache: Englisch
Verlag: iUniverse, 2011
- Softcover
- Neu

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Bestandsnummer des Verkäufers L0-9781450283571
- Titel
- Behind the Mask Adolescents in Hiding
- Autor
- Rozema, Dennis
- Verlag
- iUniverse
- Erscheinungsjahr
- 2011
- Zustand
- New
- Einband
- PAP
- Sprache
- Englisch
- ISBN-10
- 1450283578
- ISBN-13
- 9781450283571
- Artikelgewicht
- 209 Gramm
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Auszug. © Genehmigter Nachdruck. Alle Rechte vorbehalten.
Behind THE MASK
Adolescents in HidingBy Dennis RozemaiUniverse, Inc.
Copyright © 2011 Dennis RozemaAll right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4502-8357-1
Contents
Preface......................................................................................................xiAcknowledgments..............................................................................................xviiHurt Where It All Started...................................................................................3Anger Lies between Hurt and Depression......................................................................6Depression Spiraling Down...................................................................................13Alcohol and Drug Use It Feels Right for a While, But It Only Makes Everything Worse.........................22Fear Formed in the Past, Living in the Present..............................................................31The Loss of Love Perception Is More Important than Reality..................................................37Choosing Life Instead of Choosing Death.....................................................................40Confusion Starting Recovery.................................................................................49Trust It's Their First Step.................................................................................54Awareness Learning To Think a New Way.......................................................................57Letting Go of the Mask With Love and Forgiveness, There Is a Light That Erases the Mask.....................60Recovery It Is a New Beginning, Not the End.................................................................64Afterword....................................................................................................73Discussion Guide For Behind The Mask.........................................................................79
Chapter One
HURT Where It All Started"It hurts so much when all you want is someone to care that you're crying hysterically, helplessly, that your life is a mess, and they don't. All I want is someone to care."
The mask didn't just show up one day. It grew over time. It may have developed over a short time, or it may have taken years, but it started growing in the past. And it usually started because of some kind of hurt that was experienced. There are a lot of ways to be hurt, but if the adolescent doesn't deal with that hurt, the result is the same. She ends up with pain so deep that it makes her want to hide. Hiding seems necessary at the time, and the best way to hide and still appear to be okay is to hide her hurt behind a mask.
When someone is hurt, is in pain, or has experienced trauma, she eventually feels anger. The anger is there because she has not expressed the pain. When you just think about it on a small scale, it becomes obvious how this works. If someone has his new bike stolen when he is five, he cries. He may even get angry. But if he never cries and holds it all in, his anger would eventually grow. As more hurt happens, which it does for all of us, he learns to just keep hiding it. As he grows older and deals with larger hurts, he has to either let it go or form the mask that hides it. The larger the hurt, the more important it seems to hide it.
Many people experience trauma in their lives. If someone has learned to hide his feelings, it is because the trauma he experienced becomes something important to hide. I have known kids who have completely fallen apart because their girlfriend or boyfriend of two weeks broke up with them. At other times, I have known kids who have suffered through unimaginable difficulties and had the skills to deal with it well. It is not the people on the outside of an event that determine it was traumatic; it is the person who experiences it that makes that determination.
Trauma and other hurt come in a lot of forms, and it builds on itself. Experiencing a painful event causes pain. Thinking in negative ways about the event and its pain leads to feeling anger. The troubled adolescent can hide the anger and hurt or act it out. Acting out the anger inappropriately causes more negative events, which cause more pain, and on and on it goes. Hiding the hurt leads to the cheerful or neutral mask. Acting the anger out creates the angry, defiant mask. How the adolescent thinks about and perceives events is the key to understanding and learning to let go of the mask. I will talk a lot about thinking later in the book. Some examples of trauma, hurt, and pain and the thinking that goes with them are quoted below.
"I've kissed two cousins and have slept with my brother. I was between 8 and 10 years old. Gosh, I've been waiting to say that out loud for so so so long. One time, we made a tent under the ping-pong table, and another time, we did it in one of our box forts. Wow. The more I write, the angrier I get. Who teaches this shit?" "Everything good is so temporary, and all the shit, the bad stuff, is permanent. It hurts so much when all you want is someone to care that you're crying hysterically, helplessly, that your life is a mess, and they don't. All I want is someone to care." "I can't stop thinking about her. I have to accept that she is no longer here, but I can't. I can't let her go. The more I think, the harder it gets, but I can't stop. What's wrong with me? Everyone else seems okay, and here I am all fucked up. The only relief is when I'm high." "He asked the right questions today. I can't tell him. I hate to lie. He has been so good to me, but if he knew what happened, what would he think of me then?"
Hurt needs to be expressed. When it is expressed through inappropriate anger, it leads to more hurt. Expressing anger in constructive ways allows the anger to dissipate, but it may not allow someone to understand and express the hurt. Being willing and able to actually talk about and experience the hurt gives that person the ability to actually let the hurt go. I understand it is not an easy task, but with the proper help from family and friends, it does happen. When family and friends are not enough, it is time to seek more professional help. Without that help, hurt and anger spiral downward until the person is depressed.
ANGER Lies between Hurt and Depression "The angry me is very much awake. I'm starting to listen to what it is saying to me too. I think the angry part of me is right: I should self-destruct."
Anger and Violence
Hurt may be what lies behind the anger, but it is often anger that people see. Anger can be kept behind the mask, or it can be the mask that hides the hurt. When the anger gets expressed, it usually causes more hurt due to the consequences of angry behavior. This cycle of hurt causing anger and anger causing hurt builds until the person loses the ability to think calmly enough to make any kind of positive change.
"There must be a very angry person on the inside of me that wants to release its fury but doesn't want to hurt someone else so it attacks itself, which is me. The problem is that I don't know how to calm this angry person down. I don't...
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In performance of a contract with you; and/or
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We may also use your personal data in the following situations, which are likely to be less common:
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In respect of all disclosures of personal data, we will only share the personal information which is necessary for the particular purpose for which it is provided, or where we have another legitimate interest in doing so, and we will ensure that the personal data is appropriately protected.
In respect of special categories of personal data, we may process this in the following circumstances:
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We will keep personal data of employees throughout your employment and normally for a minimum of six years after your employment ends.
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Where we store your personal data
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Personal data may be transferred outside of the EEA by processors acting on our behalf. For transfers to countries not considered adequate by the EC, we will ensure that personal data is adequately protected, as required by the GDPR. This would include by use of the Standard Contractual Clauses adopted by the EC to protect personal data.
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Under certain circumstances, you have the right by law to request:
access to your personal data. This enables you to ask to receive a copy of the personal data that we hold about you and to check that we are lawfully processing it.
correction of the personal data that we hold about you.
erasure of your personal data.
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CHANGES TO THIS PRIVACY POLICY
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Please contact us if you have any questions, comments or requests regarding this Privacy Policy.
Last amended May 2021.