Everyone faces challenges at some time, but some are everywoman's nightmare. Losing a marriage, home or business can seem insurmountable. So does coping with the death of a beloved spouse or facing cancer. Portrayed in this book are courageous women who h

Bootstraps

How Women Pull Themselves Up Through Tough TimesBy Lorene Burkhart

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2012 Lorene Burkhart
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4772-2129-7

Contents

Introduction..................................................................viiPreface.......................................................................ixChapter 1 The "Happily-Ever-After" Myth......................................1How Did We Become the Way We Are?.............................................1The 1950s Girls...............................................................4My Story......................................................................7Boot Kickers—Old Boots!.................................................10Chapter 2 Surviving a Husband's Death........................................11Brave to the End..............................................................13He Taught Me So Much..........................................................15Loss, Then Acceptance.........................................................18Boot Kickers—The Boots Hurt.............................................21Chapter 3 No One Plans a Divorce.............................................22Infidelity Strikes the Final Blow.............................................24He's Doing What?..............................................................27Marriage is Maybe.............................................................30Abuse Takes its Toll..........................................................32Boot Kickers—When Your Boots Take a Beating.............................36Chapter 4 Single or Not......................................................37Remarry?......................................................................39Is it Worth it?...............................................................42Boot Kickers—Trading Old Boots..........................................45Chapter 5 When Our World Crumbles............................................47Her World Crumbled When She Lost Her Job and Home.............................49Her World Crumbled When She Lost it All.......................................53Her World Crumbled when She Lost Her Company..................................57Boot Kickers—Boots for Digging in (and Digging out).....................60Chapter 6 What Do You Mean, I have Cancer?...................................61Overcoming Ovarian Cancer.....................................................65A Mother and Her Son Both Survive Breast Cancer...............................72Refusing to Let Cancer Claim Her Voice or Her Life............................75Boot Kickers—Boots Restoration..........................................80Chapter 7 Reclaiming Our Lives...............................................82Drugs, Prison, and Redemption.................................................83Bariatric Surgery to Gain Back a Life.........................................89Boot Kickers—Getting Back Our Boots.....................................93Chapter 8 When Women Come Together...........................................94For Friendship................................................................94To Solve Problems—Taking Back the Mountain..............................96To Use Our Talents—The Women of Gee's Bend..............................104Boot Kickers—Every Pair of Boots Counts.................................107Chapter 9 When it's All Said and Done........................................109Look at Yourself..............................................................109How Did I Get Here?...........................................................110It's Never Too Late...........................................................113Who am I Now?.................................................................115Boot Kickers—Buried With Her Boots On!..................................117Afterword.....................................................................119Lorene's Advice...............................................................119What I've Learned.............................................................121Lessons Learned...............................................................121Girlfriends Fill in the Gaps..................................................122Alternative Journaling 101....................................................123Endnotes......................................................................127

Chapter One

The "Happily-Ever-After" Myth

How Did We Become the Way We Are?

When I was a little girl, life was truly a bowl of cherries. Each cherry in the bowl was perfect and delicious in my tiny world. My bed was warm and comfy. My meals were prepared by loving hands. No one molested or hurt me, nor did I have need to feel concern for my safety. Trust in my small universe was validated. My entire family—my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins—cared about the well-being of each person in the family. My brothers and I knew the rules of our household and we obeyed them (most of the time). We attended church every Sunday, without question. Our rural school and the school bus that took us there were safe. Teachers knew our family, and the school bus driver was our nearest neighbor. Despite my mother's busy life as a farm wife—her responsibilities included care of a brood of chickens, large garden, household, and family—she found time to make her little girl's dresses, as well as her own. But life was good. Sure, my brothers picked on me and I had to clean my plate. There were probably a few boo-hoos and some scratches and scrapes, too.

Because children "know only what they know," it never occurred to me that my family life was any different from anyone else's. We become who we are because of our environment, but many other factors that we individually do not initiate or have any influence over are also at work. Yes, they are the most important determinates of our lives. When I name them, you will realize these as "givens."

1. Where you were born. Large city or small town; America or foreign country; affluent, middle, or lower class; and your ethnicity. All of these have a tremendous influence in your life. I was a rural American.

2. When you were born. You may not believe in astrology (I'm a Cancer born in July), but the era and events surrounding the date of your birth definitely influence your life. For instance, I was born in 1934 during the latter part of the Great Depression. Therefore, I was a child during World War II. Our family, like everyone else, suffered during the depression. A Depression attitude hung over our heads, limiting all choices. We were gaining momentum financially by 1941, when I was seven years old. But the war changed everything again. The Depression had created one type of insecurity and fear but the war created another. A real sense of danger surrounded us, even though the fighting was overseas. A large air base was located within 15 miles of our rural home and soldiers swarmed into the nearest town—"our" town. The presence of uniforms was frightening, even if they weren't the enemy. We often heard the roar of a squadron of planes overhead and ran outside to count them. A couple of years after the beginning of the war, German prisoners of war were kept at the base near us. It was thrilling but scary to actually see them when they were transported in guarded military trucks to work as farm laborers picking tomatoes on our farm. Scarcity was also part of our daily lives as we learned to live...