CHAPTER 1

It was late nineteen eighty-nine and the Christmas holidays were imminent.The trees were bare and a light frost still glimmered on the grass of thesprawling cemetery. A gentle wind that blew from the north only served toaugment the already bone chilling cold of that somber December morning.

"I can't believe he's really gone!"

"C'mon, Mom. It's time to go. I don't want you to catch pneumoniastanding out here too long."

Most of the congregation had long departed the gravesite that held theearthly remains of Jim Mathews. In the distance, the lone bugler who hadprovided a stirring rendition of "Taps", still stood at attention in UnitedStates Marine Corps full dress uniform, silhouetted against a solitary oaktree.

"He was such a quiet man. Most people never even knew what a braveand lonely soul he was.

Your father had many friends while in the military, but after he returnedhome from the war he abandoned most of them out of fear of losing them tooI suspect. I don't think he ever got over what he saw there ... or what he wascalled upon to do during his years in the Pacific. After he won the medal, hewas asked to speak many times at soldier gatherings. Out of respect for hiscomrades, he did a few times right after returning home. But for the last fortyor more years, he preferred not to talk about it."

"Did he ever confide in you about the war, Mom? I don't remember himever mentioning it in my presence."

"Once.

He told me some things that were hard for him to say. You could see thetears well up in his eyes and hear the crackling of his voice whenever he triedto speak of those times over there, and the people he was with ... especiallythe ones that never made it home.

I tried to tell him that I understood how difficult it must be to speakof such things. But, he assured me that no one could really know just howdifficult it was unless they had been there.

I assured him that I was willing to listen to his stories at any time. Ithought that after the years had allowed the strong emotions to fade a bit itwould be easier for him. But, it never was.

When we visited cemeteries on Memorial Day, which we did faithfullyevery year, I often sensed that he wanted to tell me more ... but he neverdid. We talked of taking a trip to the sites of the big Pacific battles with someof his Marine friends ... but that too he put off for various reasons. I don'tthink he could have handled seeing the graves of his comrades or the placeswhere they died even after so many years.

So now, those memories will all be buried with him."

Maria stood silently behind her mother for several minutes.

Finally, her mother released her hand from the coffin, took Maria's armand prepared to go.

"Goodbye, my darling.

I'll miss you and I look forward to joining you soon."

She touched the coffin one last time and then threw a kiss toward Jim'sgrave as they turned to leave.

Maria was concerned about her mother's reference to her own mortality,but remained silent as they walked to the waiting limousine that wouldreturn them to the family home. As they passed the bugler, Helen gave a faintwave of thanks and forced a smile his way. He acknowledged her gesture witha crisp salute.

The women held hands tightly but didn't speak during the twentyminute ride back to the house. Safely inside the living room, Maria's motherburst into tears.

She stood and held her mother quietly, comforting her as best she couldgiven the circumstances. Silently, she tried to imagine how her mother couldgo on without the man that she had loved and lived with for more than fortyyears. Helen sat down on her favorite chair. After a moment in which sheattempted to compose herself, she turned to Maria.

"If you will look in our bedroom closet, your father kept a small safe inthe corner on the floor. In it, you will find his medal in a small box.

Please bring it to me. I'd just like to look at it again. It's been a longtime.

The safe should be unlocked."

Maria got up and walked to the bedroom.

In the back corner of the oversized walk-in closet, she saw the safe andswung open the door that was already ajar. She was surprised to find not onlythe small box with the Marine Corps insignia atop a silhouette of the medalcontained within, but also a large brown envelope addressed to her mother.

Returning to the living room, she handed the objects to her mother.

"I found this addressed to you along with the box containing the medal."

Helen carefully inspected the envelope that bore her name written in herhusband's easily recognizable handwriting.

"I never saw this before. He must have placed it there just recentlywithout telling me. Would you open it for me?"

Maria took the envelope and carefully unsealed it.

It contained several sets of VCRs each in their own case. Accompanyingthe tapes was a handwritten letter. A quick glance at the last page revealedher father's signature.

"The letter's from Dad and it's addressed to you."

"Please read it to me. I don't think I can. My eyes are still wet."

Maria unfolded the pages, glanced once more toward her mother andbegan reading.

P.S. The case marked with your name is for you only. It's a little personal.The other set of tapes is ok to show to whomever you choose."

* * *

Maria looked at her mother.

"You didn't know anything about this?"

"No.

Your father often went out by himself ... for walks or occasionally toplay golf or so he said.

I guess he was working on it during those times. But, he must have hadsomeone help him make the VCRs ... I doubt he could do it all by himself.He was never very handy with electronic things."

She smiled ... in fact, almost laughed for a brief moment.

Maria remained quiet for several moments while her mother reminisced.

"Why he had trouble just changing channels on the T.V. when we gotour first remote. He would make excuses about people getting lazy and get upto change a channel like we used to do. And when we got our first VCR ...I thought he was going to break the darn thing ... he got so frustrated tryingto get it to work."

Helen took out a tissue and wiped her eyes, still wet from the emotionalevents of the day.

Finally, Maria asked: "Are you ready to watch this, Mom?"

"I think so."

Maria led her mother into the den where they had a large screen T.V.with...