June 10, 2015

I was born in a red-and-white barn with five other pups. I think my mother looked like a dachshund. Some people call them "hot dogs." My father, however, looked like a cocker spaniel. My parents were mutts, just like me.

My first encounter with humans was very confusing. Lots of people were looking at us in our big brown box. I was the cutest one. I looked and felt like a stuffed animal. I have cute little freckles on my nose, and my tan-and-blond fur is so soft. I admit that I look like a girl. However, I'm a boy. Everyone kept saying, "Look how cute she is. How adorable!" Pleeeease — I am a handsome and intelligent boy. I need to make that clear. My current owner keeps calling me a "she." I don't know why everyone mistakes me for a girl. Maybe it's because I haven't started peeing like a boy yet. Boy dogs are supposed to hold one leg up. But I am still a puppy, so I don't have to do that yet. Puppies are known to pee all over the place, anywhere and anytime. I suppose it is part of a cute puppy's nature.

I'll start my story with my first family, who took me home. They arrived with two small kids. The boy liked my little brother who looked more like a Chihuahua. The boy scooped up my tiny brother and said, "This is the one." I was happy to get rid of that rascal. He was always tackling me and nipping at my tail.

But the girl picked me up and started hugging me. She hugged so hard that she almost squeezed all the air out of me.

"Put that puppy down," her mom said. "We can handle only one puppy." Phew! That was close.

Then I heard a shriek that sounded like a fire engine siren. Yowie, my ears were ringing! I tried to hide under my sister puppy, but the little girl reached in the box for me a second time.

"Pleeeease, pretty please, Mom. I'll take good care of her and clean up all her poop. I'll give her baths every day — I promise," the little girl pleaded.

"Well, I did hear that two are better than one because they won't be so lonely," her mom said.

Oh no! The mom was caving in. She started rubbing my belly and even said how cute I was!

The mom told the man she'd take two, a brother and a sister. The man told her that I was a boy and pointed to my privates. How embarrassing.

"Well, okay," the mom announced. Each of my children can have one pet."

The girl squeezed me too tight again and started kissing me all over. "I will love you forever," she promised and smiled. I'd heard those five words before. While we were in our mother's belly, we were taught to never, ever believe them.

July 2015

Living in that home lasted about a month. I had a food aggression problem. I wanted to eat my brother's food and mine all the time.

I was very jealous of my brother. He got a lot of attention. The boy was a much better owner. He took my brother for walks, played catch, and chased him.

My girl owner just wanted to dress me up like a baby girl. She expected me to sit in a chair for a tea party. I don't even like tea. Yuck!

And for the record, she did not clean up my poop or pee. She put little puppy pads on the floor. I think we were supposed to pee on them. But I preferred the carpet and her bed. They smelled so much sweeter.

However, she never let me walk outside. Instead, she carried me everywhere. So even if I was a good dog, she never took me to the grass to pee. I don't think they had grass. It was mostly cement outside. I never found grass.

I guess it was my food aggression and lack of potty training that made the mom state, "It's time to find a new home for this puppy."

A new home? I wondered. Are there more homes?

I was pretty happy there, but it wasn't my choice. The next day, the mom told the girl to carry me to their car. She was crying big tears, and I felt bad for her. I wondered why she was so sad.

A short ride later, Mom parked the car and pulled me out of the crybaby's hands. She carried me to the porch of a big, fancy house.

When she rang the doorbell, I heard a big, loud bark. Lots of big dog barks. Now I was shaking. I even started to whimper. A lady opened the door and said, "Oh, she's so cute!" Again, I'm a boy.

The lady told the mom that her grandbaby was there and that she would try it out. The mom walked me in and put me on the floor. The big, loud, giant dog sniffed me like crazy. I was scared, so I peed.

I listened to the two ladies talk. The mom was telling the lady all about my "problems" and that I would not stop fighting with my brother. "I just can't handle the fights anymore," she added. Without a hug or a kiss good-bye, she walked toward the door and left. It was the end. That was it. She never came back. I didn't mean to be such a crybaby, but I was afraid.

The new lady called me to come outside. Instead, I just sat and shook. So she came to me and picked me up. "Come on, Freckles. We are going outside."

Freckles? The other people had called me Patches. I didn't like that new name one bit. It was much too girlie.

Anyway, I went outside. Oh my gosh, it was paradise! I saw grass galore, mulch, dirt, and a swimming pool. I just love baths. I know — it's a little strange for a dog to love baths, but I do. And this is a giant bathtub, I thought as I ran right into the pool even though I couldn't swim yet. I started dog-paddling faster and faster, but I was sinking.

Suddenly the lady jumped in — almost right on top of me. "Puppy drowning!" she screamed. Splashes went everywhere, but I was in the lady's hands. She pulled me to the side and put me on the deck. Then she climbed up the steps.

Oh, the steps, I thought. But I was still too little to swim.

The lady wrapped me up in towels and was all crazy about me almost drowning. She told me never to jump in again. Her heart was beating very fast. So was mine.

Finally she put me down on the ground. I shook off the remaining water and got everyone all wet. They laughed at me. So I did it again. Then I ran around acting all crazy for a while and then rolled on the grass. I even did some real doggy pee on the grass! Good boy, I thought.

After a while, I was hot again. Summers in Texas get real hot. Time for a cannonball, I thought. So I sprinted right into the pool. Splash! Paddle, paddle, I thought. Come on — faster, faster. Where did the steps go? Oh no, I'm sinking again!

"Puppy!" she screamed again. But this time the lady was already in the pool. She swam to me and scooped me up. "No, no, puppy!" No? Oh, I know what no means. That's the only word I know, but it's a start. No means don't do it. I wondered why a puppy's world has so many no's.

The next time we went out by the pool, my lady put this silly orange jacket on me. It had a handle on the top. She told me it's a puppy life preserver. It's supposed to make me float on the top of the water, just in case I decide to jump in the pool again, I'd be safe. She grabbed the handle and lowered me into the pool. I started doggy paddling right away. Faster, faster, I thought. I was really scared that I was going to sink again but ... the life preserver jacket worked! I stayed on top of the water. She told me that one of her students bought the life preserver jacket for me because his dog can't swim either. Nice kid, I thought.

So far, I like this...