Create a better life . . . starting now! Whether you've struggled as a victim of abuse, found yourself trapped in a dead-end job, wondered how to get out of a waning relationship, or battled feelings of guilt, your future is wide open. Life is a series of choices. Don't you want to make the right ones? Cinderella is Still Dancing: 8 Choices That Can Improve Your Life shows that no matter how negative your situation might seem, the way you respond to it is up to you. This first-person account of a child abuse victim who grew up to become a senior bank vice president offers insight and advice on how you can take baby steps and then giant strides to create the life you want for yourself. You'll learn: What to do to escape your own personal prison. How to embrace change. When to wipe out thoughts of guilt. Why enabling can be unhealthy. How to leverage outside influences. What kinds of relationships can help you move forward. How to empower others. Why it's important to be kind to yourself. With narrative stories, real-life examples, gentle guidelines, and a checklist at the end of every chapter, Cinderella is Still Dancing gives you "permission"

Cinderella is Still Dancing

8 Choices That Can Improve Your LifeBy Ellen Kirton

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2009 Ellen Kirton
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4490-0924-3

Contents

Foreword..................................................................xiiiA Special Note............................................................xvPrologue..................................................................xviiChoice #1: Being Beautiful is a Choice....................................1All Kinds of Prisons......................................................2Early Choices.............................................................6Cinderella Story..........................................................8Take-Aways from This Chapter:.............................................10Choice #2: Embrace Change.................................................13A Glimpse of 'Normal'.....................................................14Gotta Get Out!............................................................17California, Here I Come...................................................20I Can Decide for Myself...................................................22Take-Aways from This Chapter:.............................................4Choice #3: No Guilt.......................................................7Replace Your Thoughts.....................................................9Stop Guilt Before it Starts...............................................0Share the Burden..........................................................1Just Forgive..............................................................6Take-Aways from This Chapter:.............................................38Choice #4: Enabling No More...............................................41Accepting Others' Responsibilities as Your Own............................45Enabling to Keep the Peace................................................47Keeping Someone from Moving Forward.......................................50Managing Expectations vs. Enabling False Expectations.....................52Enabling Your Own Frustrations............................................53Influencing Instead of Enabling...........................................57Take-Aways from This Chapter:.............................................59Choice #5: Outside Influences Can Be Good.................................63Lifelong Friends..........................................................64Mentors...................................................................68Adverse Situations........................................................73Mentees...................................................................77Personal Relationships....................................................82Outside Influences: A Two-Way Street......................................83Take-Aways from This Chapter..............................................84Choice #6: Relationships Matter...........................................87Nonprofit Work............................................................89Networking................................................................98Relationships as Resources................................................103Take-Aways from This Chapter:.............................................106Choice # 7: Let Passion Be Your Guide.....................................109Empowering Others.........................................................112Influenced by the Passions of Others......................................114Growing Through Sharing...................................................118The Passion of Family Love................................................120Take-Aways from This Chapter:.............................................123Choice #8: It's Your Turn to Be Happy.....................................127The Results of Life's Lessons.............................................129God's Place in This Book..................................................131Where Are They Now?.......................................................133Baby Steps................................................................135Be Kind to Yourself.......................................................137Take-Aways from This Chapter:.............................................137Epilogue..................................................................139Resources.................................................................141About the Author..........................................................143

Chapter One

Choice #1:

Being Beautiful is a Choice

I've been asked by many people over the years to tell my story so I can help others. Well, here I am at last. I was born in New York. At age 3, I had two brothers. Mickey was two years older, and Pat was my twin. Although Mickey and I looked more similar with our light Irish coloring, Pat and the other siblings born after us had dark hair and dark eyes.

When Mickey was 5, he was tragically killed in a fire. He and some friends were playing with rags and kerosene, which were used in those days to fuel the incinerators in the basement of the high-rise apartment where we lived. One boy lit a match and Mickey became a running torch. Pat and I would never be the same because of the resulting conditions at home from this tragedy.

For who knows how many reasons, my father became a Jekyll-and-Hyde alcoholic. Although he was a genius, his mood swings could be catastrophic. He had been born on the way over from Ireland. His dad died on the trip, and his mom passed away within three years. My father was raised by a maiden aunt. As a young man, he joined the U.S. Marine Corps, served in World War II, and came home injured. He met my mother and they married and settled in Astoria, N.Y., where they started a family.

The abuse started early for me. When I was 5, my father began fondling me, and this turned into rape. I felt something was odd but didn't know enough to question what was happening. This went on for some time. As the family grew, eventually to a total of seven children, with four girls and three boys, it became my mission in life to protect my sisters from my dad. This was a heavy burden for a young girl to carry, but I did so with a full heart.

I might also mention that he abused my mom, too, in horrible ways. Besides enduring mental abuse, she was frequently beaten and even cut up, and she never had a day when she didn't shrink away from the world. She therefore could do nothing to help my circumstances. My mom was truly more of a victim than I was because God gave me the strength to handle whatever came along. My mother was more vulnerable and continued to live the life of a victim for the rest of her days.

All Kinds of Prisons

After Mickey's death, my mom, my brother Pat and I were already living in fear, and we didn't dare question anything my father said or did. All the abuses seemed to blend together, and we didn't know what the day would hold.

Many years later, in my current home state of Arizona, I talked with U.S. Senator John McCain about how he had survived being a war prisoner. I'd just heard him speak at a gathering of Eagle Scouts, and I watched the young men's faces as they listened to his story about his confinement in a prison camp. He really made an impact on them.

When I spoke with him privately, I told Senator McCain my situation had been similar, although the walls of my prison had been invisible. We agreed there are all kinds of prisons, and I saw the look of true understanding and compassion in his eyes. He...