Crazy Tales on the Running Trails : Humor for Everyone
Sprache: Englisch
Verlag: iUniverse, 2015
- Softcover
- Neu

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- Titel
- Crazy Tales on the Running Trails : Humor for Everyone
- Autor
- Sinclair, Joe
- Verlag
- iUniverse
- Veröffentlichungsjahr
- 2015
- Zustand
- New
- Einband
- Softcover
- Sprache
- Englisch
- ISBN-10
- 1491777109
- ISBN-13
- 9781491777107
„Inhaltsangabe“ gehört möglicherweise zu einer anderen Auflage dieses Titels.
Auszug. © Genehmigter Nachdruck. Alle Rechte vorbehalten.
Crazy Tales on the Running Trails
Humor for Everyone
By JOE SINCLAIR, Carla LeslieiUniverse
All rights reserved.
Contents
Foreword, ix,
Acknowledgments, xi,
Introduction, xiii,
CHAPTER 1 Going Off the Deep End, 1,
CHAPTER 2 Gassing the Competition, 8,
CHAPTER 3 A Rear End Says It All, 15,
CHAPTER 4 Hot Asphalt, 22,
CHAPTER 5 Dirty Asphalt, 27,
CHAPTER 6 Angelina's Antics, 32,
CHAPTER 7 Willie Pounder, 38,
CHAPTER 8 Red Butz, 43,
CHAPTER 9 Rockin' Johns on the Running Trail, 48,
CHAPTER 10 Colorful Costume Characters, 53,
CHAPTER 11 Butts, Beer, and Asphalt: Don't mix!, 59,
CHAPTER 12 Open Mouth, Insert foot, 66,
CHAPTER 13 Scared Shirtless, 71,
CHAPTER 14 Chasing Those Tails, 76,
CHAPTER 15 Bladders and Butts, 81,
CHAPTER 16 Spectator Stupidity, 86,
CHAPTER 17 Shopaholic Runaholics, 90,
CHAPTER 18 The High-Tech Threesome, 95,
CHAPTER 19 Never Let Injury Interfere, 99,
CHAPTER 20 The Gall of It All, 104,
CHAPTER 21 The Determinators, 108,
CHAPTER 22 Freakin' Form fanatics, 116,
CHAPTER 23 Tuff Stuff, 119,
CHAPTER 24 Aging, Creaky Butts, 128,
Reflections, 135,
About the Author, 137,
CHAPTER 1
Going Off the Deep End
In the running world, you'll find athletes of all ages who have that edge of competitiveness that continues to drive them, time after time, to be the best and finish first. They strive to emerge as the winners. Coming in second or third is a complete failure to them, more like an embarrassment rather than an accomplishment. In the world of running, this kind of competitor also has to win at all costs. To not win simply sends them off the deep end with their running activities. What turns a runner into an irrational running machine with an insatiable appetite for pounding that asphalt?
A number of motivations may fuel an all-consuming desire to win, but one primary motivator is simple — that old nemesis called competition. Some runners enter each race simply for the enjoyment of kicking someone else's rear. It's a wonderful feeling and fuels them until the next race. Other runners challenge themselves as a formidable opponent, setting their own personal goals to finish as well or better than they did in the last race within a respectable time.
An avid running competitor may quietly pick out his or her competition and map a strategy to beat that competition to the finish line. The least likely motivation can spark that competitive edge, something as subtle as the satisfaction of seeing one's name listed above those of all other competitors at the end of the day. This provides the highly competitive athlete or the runner who is driven to win with a sense of satisfaction, at least for the moment. It doesn't last long, as these runners challenge themselves, knowing there will be another day and another chance to identify new competitors to race against. Winning once is never enough. There's always that next race to conquer. The problem with the insanely competitive runner is that he or she is not alone. Plenty of them exist — cocky and egotistical, lurking at the next race for the chance to beat everyone.
Defeat can happen, and once it does, the weight of the blow comes crushing down, not just on the runner but on everyone in his or her running circle. Depression is immediate, and the broken competitor walks away deflated, beaten, and conquered. Everyone around this defeated running machine must endure the pain and gloom-and-doom attitude until his or her next race.
Immediately after losing a race, the runner apparently also loses his sense of hearing, as every question directed his way is met with silence. "Hey, Ben, did you get that top award you were after?" The poor soul stands staring into space, wiping the sweat from his face, bowed and holding his knees, completely unresponsive. His mind is processing the shock of defeat, and amid a vicious rotation of tormenting thoughts he questions himself: How could I do this? What the heck happened to me? Why am I so stupid? He torments himself, wondering why he didn't try this or that, which would have certainly meant his success. Events in the running world influence his constant state of mind. Afterward, the ride home is in silence, his buddies respecting his need for self-torture.
For days, he asks himself how he could have run faster. How did he lose the race? What tactics should he have used? What could he have done legally — or illegally for that matter? What would have given him the advantage to finish just one step ahead of the winner? nothing brings him back from the brink, and the defeat consumes him. This extremely competitive runner is definitely difficult to endure if he isn't the lead dog in the running pack.
For days, this runner walks around in a stupor, seeing but not hearing. He is still processing defeat. The nights are filled with dreams of that elusive win, tormenting him even more. He wakes up frequently, hands folded behind his head, staring at the ceiling, mentally kicking himself.
He mopes around unable to eat, unable to do much of anything. He is interested in nothing else, so those who know him just save their breath. After spending a few days rolled up in the covers, blinds pulled to keep himself in the dark, he finally decides to wake up, wander outside, and smell the fresh air. The senses slowly return, and he starts preparing to kick someone else's tail in the next race.
At the next race, a pretty young thing catches his attention. He temporarily forgets about winning. He joyfully starts running slower as long as he can continue this wonderful pursuit, but mostly he enjoys the view, watching the shapely, graceful runner who makes all the right moves in her tight shorts. As they run, laugh, and talk, they plan to run some more. The race is soon over, and the running machine goes home, anxiously waiting for the next race and the chance to see his new interest. He is not sleeping at all now. He lies awake at night, hands folded behind his head, staring at the ceiling, with an important question for himself: How can I get into her head?
So much for the competitive running machine.
Another type of athlete who can be difficult to deal with — this one suffering a different type of running insanity — is the poor soul who has gained five pounds and becomes a foodaholic. This type of runner has the misconception that he can eat anything he wishes as long as he runs three miles each day to work off the calories. After running, he goes to his favorite dining establishment and chooses carefully, stuffing himself with all the delicious temptations of his choice. As a reward for having run three miles earlier that evening, after dinner he spends two hours watching television, junk food in hand, before retiring to bed.
The next day, he goes out and pounds that asphalt in an attempt to relieve the guilt associated with the eating binge from the evening before. He steers clear of that local eating establishment and opts instead to grab a couple of burgers and large fries on the way home. This is followed by a round of cake and ice cream just before bed, a reward for having run three miles earlier that evening.
A runner trapped in this routine could run his rear end off every day and still not lose weight, consuming more food calories than he could possibly burn out of his system. Depression sets in, and the foodaholic runner is...
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