Love

"Love is a force more formidable than any other.It is invisible-it cannot be seen or measured,yet it is powerful enough to transform youin a moment, and offer you more joythan any material possession could."(Barbara de Angelis)

LOVE IN THE LGGC (LEGACY) model is the first and most-complexprinciple. However, it, like all the other portals, canbe accessed at any time. First we need to gain knowledge ofdifferent types of love so we can understand what we seek toaccess. We can learn much about the complexity and typesof love from the ancient Greeks. In the Greek language, morethan one word describes love.

Eros describes love that changes from moment to momentbased on varying circumstances. For example, when lovepartners are expressing pleasing words and treating eachother with passion, the warm, fuzzy feeling of love grows,and the desire to spend time together increases. But, whenthe partners are negative or share painful words, they maypull away and choose to spend less time together.

What causes us to consciously pull away? Let's think aboutit. People want to avoid pain and move toward what theyperceive to be pleasure. We not only withdraw from painor negative emotions in romantic relationships, but we alsowithdraw in all other types of relationships, whether withfamily, coworkers, friends, or acquaintances. When wewithdrawal, Eros love dissipates because it is love based uponexternal pain/pleasure circumstances.

Good news! There are options if we want sustainablerelationships. First, we have to expand our understandingof love to extend beyond Eros and consider love a virtuousprinciple.

Love as a Virtue

If we want a kind of love that is enduring and steady under allcircumstances, we can choose agape love. Agape love is oftenreferred to as a general affection or deeper sense of true loveor sacrificial love. This kind of love honors others regardlessof whether the circumstances are pleasant and whether otherssatisfy us or meet our expectations and desires.

To move toward enduring love, I challenge you to think oflove as a virtue rather than as an emotion. Namaste from theHindu tradition means, "I acknowledge the spirit withinyou as the same spirit within me." This kind of love involvesa commitment to stay aware of our oneness with others andall life. Even if someone has a difficult personality or flawedcharacter or if circumstances are not easy, we can still honorthat person from the spiritual perspective because in essence,we are all made of the same spirit.

When we are experiencing life-constricting emotions (e.g.,anger, fear) that seem contrary to maintaining a lovingrelationship, all love is not lost. We can turn our attentionto the principle of love and choose to enter that portal. Lovecalls us to treat others with respect and kindness and to speakgently, even when we don't like what they are doing or sayingor how they look or think. Loving another under difficultcircumstances is respecting the other person's divinity, whichis the same as ours.

Brother Ishmael Tetteh is a contemporary African mysticand spiritual speaker from Ghana author of the book TheWay Forward: Principles and Practices for Practical Living,his main claim in this book is—"Love is not a sentiment; itis a discipline." We must discipline ourselves to rememberthat none of us is outside the spirit of life; none of us is reallyalone. When we insist on remembering this truth of ouroneness, we can honor the divinity of others. When we doso, we are acting out of the principle of love. (Tetteh 2005).

Loving emotions are valuable expressions and experiences ofhuman life. The truth is that when we regard others fromthe perspective of the unchanging principle of oneness, thenrelationships are strengthened and made more beautiful andpowerful. It is up to us in our vision of oneness to give love.Dr. River Smith, in his striking book A Conspiracy to Love,succinctly says, "We don't find love by seeking it; we findlove by giving it." When we give love, let's choose to give itunconditionally. (Smith 2009).

Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is treating the other person with kindnessand respect, even when the conditions or circumstances don'tappear to warrant such actions. In his book, Real Love (2003),Dr. Greg Baer explores the destructive effects of conditionallove. Conditional love starts with how our parents expressedtheir acceptance or rejection of our behavior. If we didsomething pleasing, helpful, or smart, our parents or otherinfluential adults would smile and speak to us in a tone of joywith a feeling of approval. They would typically say, "Goodjob!" or "Way to go!" when we made a high grade on ourmath quiz or picked up our scattered toys. We had met ourparents' conditions to express their appreciation of us. Inturn, we felt loved and wanted.

On the other hand, when we did something unpleasing,rough, inconvenient, or seemingly stupid, our parentsmight frown, roll their eyes, sigh heavily, giving us thefeeling that we were not loved when we displeased them.The child simply didn't meet the condition(s) required toget the parents' loving approval. Because of this, we may gothrough life thinking that feeling loved comes from doingsomething to earn the approval of another person. Somechildren may experience love as an ever-changing, unstable,and conditional emotion.

Johannes Bourgeois, a teacher of science of the mind, used toask students to rephrase the common expression, "I deservelove." She taught that as long as we think we have to deservelove, we'll never experience ourselves as worthy and valuable.Instead, try saying, "I am the presence of love" or "Myrelationships are centers of love" or "I bring love with mewherever I go." Having to deserve love leads to people-pleasingand courtship rather than the relaxation of simply knowing weare here to give love, receive love, and be a loving presence.

A mother asking for help regarding her relationship withher son was in a counseling session with Rev. Beckwith, acontemporary new thought speaker and writer. The mothersaid, "I don't know why my son in prison feels so distantfrom me. I visit him regularly, put money on his books, andI always remember to close every visit by saying, `Honey,remember—I love you, no matter what.'" Beckwith urgedher to slightly change the sentence next time. "Just leaveoff the last part and see if that makes a difference," he said.At the end of the next visit, the mother did just that. Shesaid simply, "Honey, remember—I love you." She noticeda subtle expression in her son's eyes that seemed surprised,somehow softer. Over time, the communication betweenthem improved. The "no matter what" had been a reminderof all the unacceptable, disappointing things he had done inthe past. This little phrase had been undermining the feelingof genuine unconditional love his mother really felt inside.(Beckwith 2013 E-source)

Dr. Baer insists that if we identify love with meeting theexpectations or conditions of our parents or others, then aschildren and adults we will demand that others please usand meet up to our needs and expectations. We...