As a pediatrician since 1983, I have noticed that over the last two decades, parents have forgotten what it means to make the right decisions for the well being of their children. Modern parents think that if the child cries, they must immediately do something to stop the cry, even if doing so leads to harmful consequences. Because of that, we have a society full with children that are disrespectful, misbehaved, obese, and socially not able to adapt. My book is called the "crystoppers", ( i..e. parents that concentrate on "making sure" that their child does not cry) or a practical guide for wise parenting. There are "Three Spheres" of parental control that apply to all ages: Sphere 1.- Sleep: from birth to high school parents have the duty to teach and enforce in their children appropriate sleeping skills in order for them to rest and have the energy to succeed on their daily activities. Sphere 2.- Behavioral/ social. Since the first few weeks of life and into adulthood your child will try to obtain from you different things in all aspects of life (sleep, concessions related to games, toys and activities, and in particular food items). The majority of these requests are obviously not in the child's best interest. To succeed, they utilize many resources; from whining, temper tantrums, aggressive behavior, to hugs and kisses, to blackmail or making the parents feel guilty. Giving into them causes serious social and health related problems. Aggressiveness leads to injuries, bulling, and even expulsion from school. Later on in life could lead to criminal behavior and trouble with the law. Sphere 3.- nutritional: catering to picky eating habits lead to an array of health issues. Childhood obesity, teenage diabetes, short stature, weakness, inability to do well in school. In the long term it increases the chances of the young adult to develop heart disease, cancer, stroke etc. If you follow the recommendations found in thi
CRYSTOPPERS
A PLAY BY PLAY GUIDE FOR WISE PARENTINGBy Y. Aaron KaweblumAuthorHouse
Copyright © 2011 Y. Aaron Kaweblum M.D. F.A.A.P.
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4567-3102-1Contents
Chapter I: Introduction..........................................................1Chapter II: Is Your Baby Intelligent And Capable From Birth?.....................9Chapter III: How Are You Perceived By Your Baby?.................................11Chapter IV: Parental Abuse.......................................................13Chapter V: Crystopping Prevention Guide By Ages..................................16Chapter VI: Six To Twelve Months Of Age..........................................30Chapter VII: First Birthday 12-15 Months Of Age..................................43Chapter VIII: Age 24 Months To Three Years.......................................51Chapter IX: Toilet Training......................................................64Chapter X: New Siblings..........................................................69Chapter XI: Day Care.............................................................72Chapter XII: Elementary School...................................................80Chapter XIII: Pre Teen And Teenage Years.........................................83Chapter XIV: Adulthood...........................................................90
Chapter One
INTRODUCTION
What is happening to discipline in this generation? What is happening to our teenagers? Why is it that we have the most unhealthy children in the entire world? Two thirds of our children are overweight. Our young adults have an unusually high incidence of heart disease, obesity, diabetes and chronic conditions that are the result of unhealthy habits because of poor parenting during the first years of life.
On top of the health risks of poor parenting, we are raising a generation of children unable to cope with frustrations. Children are aggressive, not only towards other children, but to their own parents. As an active pediatrician, I have even seen the emergence of a new social ailment, parental abuse.
For each unfortunate case of parents abusing their children, there are thousands of children abusing their parents. Society has created a mindset that makes parents think that it is a sin to allow a child to cry. As a result, parents stop parenting, and become "Crystoppers."
A Crystopper is a parent or parents who make important decisions regarding their children's care, health and well-being that are based solely on the parents' desire to make their children happy and appease them immediately.
The poor choices are the result of parenting decisions that are made only to stop the crying, screaming or tantrum that the child is in the middle of.
Crystopper decisions create an unhealthy relationship in which parents act and behave like servants, slaves or robots and not like wise guardians who create a loving and safe family that enables the child to grow emotionally, cognitively and physically.
NEED FOR WISE PARENTING
I have been a pediatrician since 1980. I have seen many physical illnesses. With new technology, medications and vaccinations, we have made significant progress in the improvement and maintenance of our children's health.
Medical students are taught everything possible about how to manage pediatric illness. Yet, they are taught very little about instructing parents in making wise decisions for their children. After practicing pediatric medicine for over 25 years, I decided to write this guide to help cultivate a culture of true parenting instead of parents who just react to their children's cries and therefore become Crystoppers.
Since the first years of a child's life, wise parents ensure that their children listen to them and do what they are told. Parents should be firm and loving and consistently guide their children to help them develop their individual gifts.
A wise parent follows three very simple rules:
1) If something is bad for your child DON'T DO IT, regardless of crying, whining, hugs, kisses or blackmail.
2) If something is good for your child DO IT, regardless of crying, whining, hugs kisses or blackmail.
3) Never say "I will try." If something needs to be done, DO IT. Like Yoda said: "do or do not, there is no try."
DIVORCE AND CRYSTOPPING
The following chapters will discuss the consequences on a child's life of being a Crystopper instead of being wise parents. In addition to the immediate consequences, very few consider the effects of Crystopper behavior on a marriage.
When a couple decides to get married, with all the good intentions and expectation that they will "grow old together," they believe that having a baby will bring them closer together, and serve to strengthen their relationship.
But even the typical demands of child-raising can distract parents from the needs of one another. Suffice it to say, when one parent is devoting 110% to their child's every wish and command, their attendance to the needs of their spouse will most assuredly suffer. Devoting that much attention is not only a drain on the parent's time but his energy as well, leaving nothing for his spouse. The effect of this is often resentment, and in some cases jealousy, of the attention given to the child.
A classic example of this phenomenon is allowing a child to sleep in the parents' bed for an extended period of time. While it will most assuredly appease the child, it severely interferes with couple's privacy and intimacy.
Children need and deserve attention, love and guidance. However, if parents don't agree with one another, there cannot be true love.
When a parent becomes a Crystopper who inappropriately consents to a child's behavior, a pathologic relationship develops that leads to serious health, social and mental repercussions for the child and the parents. Ultimately it will severely damage the marriage.
Over the last few years, I have seen an alarming increase of divorce and have witnessed firsthand the dysfunctional emotional, mental and physical consequences it has on children. It is hard to believe but many parents get divorced because of Crystopper behavior. Ironically, divorce only makes Crystopper behavior worse.
Inevitably, it is the children who end up in the middle of bitter fights among divorced parents. There are always arguments about the weekend assignments to watch the children, and former spouses tend to compete with one another, trying to buy their children's love. The end result is that divorced parents become the worst Crystoppers, creating an opening for their children to manipulate not only their parents, but all the adults in their lives.
THREE AREAS REQUIRING TOTAL PARENTAL CONTROL
There are three spheres of control that parents must conquer in order to successfully raise their children. These spheres apply from birth and continue all the way through high school. I will discuss how to deal with the three areas with regards to different age groups in the following chapters.
SPHERE 1: NOCTURNAL SLEEPING
Parents should be capable of teaching their children to have an independent, uninterrupted night sleep. Babies should begin to do this in the first few months of their lives. Babies and toddlers should not be roaming around after 8 or 9 p.m. It is distressing to see numerous children and toddlers, and their exhausted, sleep-deprived parents that have not slept through the night since...
