Fifteen psychologists, twelve secondary schools, four expulsions, four rehabs, two house-arrests and innumerable arguments... the cast and plot line for a season's worth of Law and Order? No. This was the real-life drama of Heather Stone's adolescence. Now in college, Heather, the once rebellious teen, has sat down with her father to pen an insider's guide for parents and teens alike.

Charles and Heather don't offer Cleaver family ideals or promise Brady Bunch thirty-minute solutions. They, instead, share the realities of their 6-year nightmare, in the hopes of fostering hope for the millions of families trying to survive the years from thirteen to eighteen. Replete with faith, honesty, and practicality, it offers readers nine practical lessons and provides a compass for even the worst tempests of teen rebellion.

daughters gone WILD dads gone CRAZY

W Publishing Group

Contents

Acknowledgments..............................................................................................................viiIntroduction: How to Get the Most Out of This BookFor Dads.....................................................................................................................xiFor Daughters................................................................................................................xvii1 The First Tattoo Relational Life Preserver 1: Don't Panic at the First Warning SignsFor Dads.....................................................................................................................1For Daughters................................................................................................................132 Verbal Venom Relational Life Preserver 2: Resist Turning Words Into WeaponsFor Dads.....................................................................................................................25For Daughters................................................................................................................363 The Wave Good-bye Relational Life Preserver 3: Make the Tough CallsFor Dads.....................................................................................................................45For Daughters................................................................................................................574 When Love Languished Relational Life Preserver 4: Stoke the Relationship Fire to Keep it AliveFor Dads.....................................................................................................................67For Daughters................................................................................................................805 The Hallmark Moments Relational Life Preserver 5: Reconnect ThroughGifts from the Heart For Dads................................................................................................91For Daughters................................................................................................................1016 I Screwed Shut Her Windows and She Still Escaped Relational Life Preserver 6: Laugh Between the TearsFor Dads.....................................................................................................................111For Daughters................................................................................................................1207 The War Zone Relational Life Preserver 7: Choose Your Battles-And Lose Some on PurposeFor Dads.....................................................................................................................129For Daughters................................................................................................................1398 Hopeless in the ER Relational Life Preserver 8: Cling to Hope When You're at the BottomFor Dads.....................................................................................................................149For Daughters................................................................................................................1619 The Prodigal Returns Relational Life Preserver 9: Soften the ReentryFor Dads.....................................................................................................................171For Daughters................................................................................................................18510 For Dads' Eyes Only "Is This All My Fault?"..............................................................................19311 For Daughters' Eyes Only The High Price of "Free" Sex....................................................................205Final WordsFor Dads.....................................................................................................................209For Daughters................................................................................................................214Endnotes.....................................................................................................................217

Chapter One

The wildest colts make the best horses. -Plutarch

For Dads

Our journey didn't really begin with Heather's first tattoo at age thirteen, but about twelve years earlier.

Before Heather was born, I became a true believer in seatbelt safety. I still remember the 1960s public service seat-belt commercials and their catchy march-time jingle that encouraged drivers to buckle up. That message stuck with me and I became a seat-belt-use drill sergeant for every passenger in our car, including our children.

In the eighties, car seats were contraptions of shiny tubular bars and flimsy plastic upholstery; even without the kid they weighed as much as a John Deere forty-two-inch riding lawn mower with both grass bags full. I would not move the car even out of the driveway unless I strapped Heather into her seat. I never budged-no exceptions. Not even on one infamous day-the day I learned the meaning of the phrase "the strong-willed child."

After Heather turned one, we planned a trip to see my wife's family in Mississippi. At the time we lived in Texas and decided to fly instead of enduring the sixteen-hour drive with a one-year-old. We recruited some friends at church to ride with us to the Dallas-Fort Worth airport and then drive our car home. I lugged our heavy-as-a-John Deere-mower car seat to the backseat of our two-door Grand Prix, strapped it in, and buckled up Heather. No problem so far.

We then picked up our friends. They sat in the backseat next to Heather. Ten minutes into our drive, Heather began to utter a guttural sound as if she'd been constipated for days and was about to ... well, you know. But that wasn't the problem. Those grunts crescendoed into earsplitting 150-decibel shrieks, equivalent to how that John Deere mower would sound with no muffler, two inches away from your ear.

A simple translation of her shrieks (we were experts in discerning Heather's unintelligible demands) might read like this: Father, I did not want you to put me in this cheap car seat in the first place. I don't like being confined, and I want the freedom to roam in the car at my leisure. I will do as I please. So, until you take me out of this seat, I will continue to blow your eardrums out. And with a set of lungs like these, I will win.

As a seat-belt-safety-conscious father, I pulled into the emergency lane and stopped. I got out, pulled the back of my seat forward, and leaned into Heather's face to make eye contact with her. She listened intently to my lecture on the importance of car safety and why I would not let her out of the seat. Even though my wife pleaded with me to take her out, I was her father and I knew best. I told Heather not to cry anymore and that we would continue our trip to the airport.

I sat back down, closed the door, and merged back into traffic, quite proud of my fathering skills. After approximately 6.2 seconds Heather let out another piercing howl. For the next full forty minutes we endured a non-stop concert of high-pitched grunts, growls, and howls that resulted in migraines for all. (Funny thing-our friends never again volunteered to...