Decisions and Consequences
The Realities of Being a ManBy Kevin RasberryAuthorHouse
Copyright © 2012 Kevin Rasberry
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4685-5239-3Contents
Foreword...............................................ixPreface................................................xiLeadership.............................................1Our Children...........................................7Cheating & Deception...................................22The Boys...............................................47Attraction, Commitment and Respect.....................55Domestic Violence and Verbal Abuse.....................69Ending Commentary......................................90Thank You..............................................97References.............................................99
Chapter One
Leadership
Leadership can be done by anyone at anytime at any place. Effective leadership requires the right person. As men, we are inherently seen as the leaders of our homes, communities, and the world. That's not to say women can't lead or won't lead. They are a part of mankind and as this world continues to evolve, women in leadership will increase more and more.
The leadership that I am getting at in this book is men being in their designed place for the world to be where it should be. It's not enough for us to just do and have what we want. Even if we don't have a woman or a family we should be pillars in our communities, on our jobs, and with our friends and family. We are responsible for more than we can even understand sometimes.
So what is leadership, and how do we activate it and get better at it as we evolve in our life? It's defined as a position or function of a leader; the ability to lead; act or instance of leading; guidance; direction and the leader of a group. If you look at that definition carefully the one element that brings it all together is leader. That's pretty simple because it's the person who leads but it is also the directing head. A man is inherently the leader because we are ultimately held responsible for just about everything that goes on in the world in one form or another.
Nothing shows our leadership or lack of leadership more than our families. The details in society's problems are what we fail to see, and the importance of effective leadership has generational-type effects which ultimately outline the structure of our society as a whole. Look at it like this; a boy from a fatherless home doesn't get the leadership qualities nurtured in him by his designated leader, and that leaves mom to do the best she can to just raise a respectable young man. The boy develops discipline issues because mom does know the unique way to activate and control those man qualities. The boy goes on to be rebellious and doesn't focus on reaching his full potential. He begins to follow the closest thing that's familiar to how he is feeling, which is another boy who's acting out, and that boy influences him into a life of law breaking. He develops a disrespect for women because he never saw, nor was he taught chivalry. He can't hold down a job because it doesn't pay him enough to look like the men he sees on television. He didn't get the best education, and he is still living with his mom frustrated and angry. He wants to be a man, but he has no idea how to be one.
You think that was far-fetched? That it's an extreme example? It's more common today than a man with a college degree. As a matter of fact, that is a good example because he didn't have a bunch of kids yet that he can't take care of, and he hasn't killed someone while trying to steal their stuff! If you didn't notice, that's becoming the new norm. Some of us never had a father or a father figure in our lives. I don't mean "Uncle so and so" or Granddad, but a father figure who was there every day, teaching us how important it was to be organized, smartly dressed, and the importance of having good character. We know it's different when it comes from our dad ... our dad!
Because some men didn't want to be in their designated place of leadership, there are millions of boys in this country and around the world, for that matter, who are about to be in a cycle similar to that example. We are putting women on the front line to fight a battle that they will never be equipped to handle and win. Sure they will fight the good fight and give it everything they've got, but it's futile, and the sad thing is, we know it. These women will ultimately lose at trying to instill in these boys what they need to have to be the men they need to be as a whole. They won't even be able to fully prepare our daughters on how to deal with the boys and men of this day and age. They can't take them out on a date and make them feel like a lady, they don't know the daddy tricks we teach or daughters so they know what to expect. We have to be there!
We have leaders that have risen from the ashes like President Barack Obama from fatherless homes, but those are odds that we should not be comfortable with. I often revert back to my memory of my father and all of the moments of life talks we used to have while he worked on something to make money for the house. One of the greatest lessons I can remember that I use every day is, "Don't leave your business unfinished for another man to finish." A man is to be on post at all times. That means that we are to lead by example, we are to be providers one way or another, and we are to be our families point of reference for whatever they don't know. Like I said before we have to be there.
We know all too well those situations when a woman is going ballistic, crying and scared because there is a huge light bill that has to be paid now and there is no money to pay it, but we are sitting there like we're in space and "it is what it is" and we're not fazed by the situation, right? But what's the truth? On the inside we crying like babies, wrecking our minds trying to figure this out. We feel like punks because we can't pay this bill! We feel low because she is ranting and raving and we know that we are responsible. How are these kids going to manage in the dark? We can't cook and it's our fault. Am I right about it, guys?
Being a man is being a leader whether we want to embrace it or not. There are things that are a part of human fulfillment that are fundamental. Our basic needs have to be met or we will feel like losers especially when we have a family that depends on our decisions and will either suffer or benefit from the consequences. The realities of being a man are that we are ultimately responsible for the basics of human fulfillment in our families. It comes with the territory. There is little-to-no sympathy to be had for it because our society is on a downward slope. There are not enough man hands on deck.
An old Chinese proverb says, "Not the cry, but the flight of a wild duck leads the flock to fly and follow." We have to get out here and get it done with no excuses. Our sons are watching how to manage this life thing and our daughters are watching so they know what to expect from a man when she is approached by them. Being a leader requires us to make tough decisions and be consistent. Being a leader means we have to be where we are supposed to be all the time.
Remember the Cowboy and Indian movies when we were small? Remember when the Indians would leave the camp to go hunt and fish? Every time those Cowboys would come and wreck the camp, steal the women, food and the valuables. That's what it's like when we are not in place, our families are defenseless. Yeah we have to go out and work and provide...
